Am I worthy?
I'm not sure I am
You don't listen to me
I don't see anything happening
I prayed to you years ago
Four almost five years have come and gone
Were there too many prayers in the world that you skipped over mine like I was unimportant?
So am I worthy?
I'm still not sure
Cause I'm still at least hoping
You'll make things right
Have you heard my crys?
My silent screams?
I'm not sure you have,
cause I'm still crying
and I'm still screaming
Have you heard the whispered thoughts in my head?
I have
I hear them sometimes
when I lie in bed
with my eyes closed and my lips slightly ajar
I cry on the inside cause can't cry on the outside no more
My outside looks different than my inside
You've must have seen
that darkness in me
and heard my silent screams
You've must have seen past my outside and into my inside
Hallow, dark, silent screams, blood and pain everywhere
And the shadows that close around me
You must have seen
Everything
Even the things I haven't yet seen
Am I worthy?
I honestly don't know
And I don't think I ever will
Please
If you haven't done anything
Tell me
Am I worthy?
Was I ever really worthy?
*~Chalsey E. Wilder

When the rain falls down
And it falls on you
When you have no chance for cover;
When the rain streams down
Dropping on your face
When you’re alone and with no other;

When you feel as though
It came for you
Seeking to bring you sorrow;
You may not see
The truth today
But wait until tomorrow:

Because the rain falls
On everyone
No one is untouched by the drops;
If you hide inside,
You’ll miss the chance
To see where the rainstorm stops.

Where the sky meets the earth
And horizons meet,
That’s where you’ll find me now;
Where the stars rain down
In a glittering scene
And the eye scarcely wonders how

I’m holding onto
The only One
Who knows the rainstormy weather—
If you follow Him
And come with me
We can brave this storm together.

His glory reaches over the hills,
It spreads past the mountains high;
His glory pierces every heart,
It fills the entire sky. 

His glory shines in the morning dew,
It causes the birds to sing;
His glory makes the young heart brave,
It gives life to everything. 

His glory reaches past the stars,
It makes the desert beautiful;
His glory lifts the heavy heart,
Its wonder indescribable.

The world and its evil disgusted me
The dust of the earth and the grime
Acceptance of dirt and love of filth
The creatures complacent in slime

I searched for a higher existence
When I saw the ignorance around
I found there was nothing within me
They all faded without a sound

Living one moment, dead the next
This life seemed meaningless to me
But as soon as I thought I had no hope
I saw the Man on the tree

Surely the most gruesome sight of all
He hung nailed on a cross
But in his eyes I saw a gleam
That saw this as gain, not loss

Suddenly the whole earth trembled
As the man gave up his last breath
The moon rose red and sky went black
As his soul went into death

What hope could he have, this man
Who hung in agony to die?
Who could he possibly be?
What could his black death buy?

Three days I spent in thought
And in contemplation walked
Too confused to eat or sleep
So perplexed I never talked

But on the morning third
A woman ran past me and cried
I followed her as she ran to a grave
And told me, “He’s alive!”

The stone was rolled back,
The grave was bare
And the wrappings from the man’s body
All were there

I began to see that the man on the cross
Had known he would soon rise
And who but the Son of God
Has hope to live when He dies?

He must know my dilemma, for sure
I must now find this Man
For if He can rise up from the dead
He could change worlds with His hand

Not quite sure what’s happening
But now I see more clearly
Can’t tell where things are going
Are we there?  Nearly.

Sometimes fires burn my hands
Sometimes the smoke burns my eyes
Whenever I fall in the red sands
I look up to the open skies

Tired of crawling for the end
I’m standing straight and tall
When the wounds are on the mend
We’ll find we’ve been strong through it all

How far will this winding path go?
How long will the battle push?
All I remember is, I don’t know,
But still we lead the rush.

Not quite sure how close we’ll get
Not quite sure how far we’ve come
But if we continue we will find yet
He gave us the strength to run.

You’re dizzy, lightheaded
Did you wonder where it was from?
Your eyes still sting, they’re blurry
Did you think you couldn’t close them?

Not sure if tears or screaming
Caused this pain so true
You’re breathing fast and falling past
Just hoping something catches you

You’re tempted and tried to just let go
It’s pulling at your grip
Not sure if the broken glass is a sign
That if you walk you’ll trip

Oh, but don’t you know
Don’t you remember?
There’s someone out there waiting
He’s been keeping you together.

This wretchedness unbearable is
I used to think that I was His
But now it often seems to me
That he has gone and let me be

I didn't want him to be gone
I was to his love always drawn
But now He's left me, I am here
Waiting to see what's drawing near

My future is dim, blurry, and dark
My mind catches fire with this one little spark
He left me because I have no will
To drive away sin that eats at me still

I feel so abandoned, lonely, alone
With dreading fear I crouch and moan
The horrors of this world are so, so tall
I feel so minuscule, so small

But then a light in darkness black
Lights up the world, nothing I lack
To see the things that troubled me
I find myself down on one knee

The weight of all I thought was lost
I find is here, but at a cost
My Savior, yes, he died for me
And how could I not see?

Things now become so clear
I wish I'd always been right here
For here I know I needn't hide
He'll never, ever leave my side.

O Lord, my life is short 
And my days a blink of an eye
Give me happiness and peace
So I can praise you when joy is mine

O Lord, my life is short
And my breath will soon depart
Give me trials and testing times
So I can grow and heal my heart

O Lord, my life is short
And these moments shall slip away
Give me friends to share your goodness
So I can bring them with me someday.

I am not a Number,
     I am not a Name
I am neither Voice
     nor Face

I am not a Body,
     I am not a Force
I am not a Color
     and I am not a Noise.

I am not a Secret,
     I am not a Sight
I am not a Vision
     I am not Right.

I am not an Hour,
     I am not a Breath
I am not a Picture,
     I am not a Rest.

I am not a Whisper,
     I am not a Shout
I am not a Melody,
     I am not a Note.

But I am a Soul,
     I am a Spirit
I am a Word to the Wise
     Saying, I am Here.

I tell you I've been busy
And sometimes I've been dizzy
Going somewhere constantly
Wandering unconsciously

Too tired to pretend
Just hope I'm near the end
Getting harder every day
To remember what to say

Every time I look
Every chance I took
Got me right back here to see
That You're right in front of me

All the times I hide
All the reasons why
Get me right back to the start
Take these pieces of my heart

I look like someone hurting
Others they are learning
Not to stand and stare at me
Not to ask me what they see

Burdens on my shoulders
I have lifted boulders 
Nothing that I cannot do
When will I give in to You

Every time I look
Every chance I took
Got me right back here to see
That You're right in front of me

All the times I hide
All the reasons why
Get me right back to the start
Take these pieces of my heart

And I'm never going to get it right
Not in this life, not in this life
I'm never going to get it down 
Not here tonight, no not tonight
And if I never really get this thing right
That is alright, that is alright
If I never really figure all of this out
Then it's just fine, yeah it's just fine

Every time I look
Every chance I took
Got me right back here to see
That You're right in front of me

All the times I hide
All the reasons why
Get me right back to the start
Take these pieces of my heart

Oh take these pieces of my heart
Take me right back to the start.

Tired of waiting
Tired of looking
I'm movin' on
I'm gettin' gone

Sick of distressing
Sick of distrusting
I'm giving in
I'm gonna win

Fed up with mourning
Fed up with not learning
I'm making mistakes
I'm making escapes

Done with running
Done with coming
I'm opening up
I'm growing up

Here I stand and here I'll stay
Now it's time to see Your glory
You've got the pen, Lord
It's time to write my story.