thank You for loving me
thank You for never turning away when i did
thank You for never giving up when i walked away from You
and convinced myself that it’s alright, that i’m alright,
even when i woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest
and everyday was a struggle just trying to breathe without You

thank You for Your faithfulness
thank You for Your grace
thank You for Your presence surrounding me
even when i did nothing but spit on Your face
and curse Your Name behind closed doors where i thought nobody could see,
but come Sunday and i put on my best dress
and pretended to worship.

thank You for Your patience;
You patiently searched for me in ***** alleyways where You didn’t belong
where the enemy stripped me of my clothes and dressed me in shame
chained my feet
and told me lies after lies after lies
and how i believed him.

i sold my soul to sin and i thought i was shackled for life
but You came to me
and bought me with the blood of Christ
the price for my life was the death of Your Son,
and You said, “so be it, I will send Him.”

i can never thank You enough.

i will never fathom the depth of Your love,
how You sent Your Beloved to die
for someone so undeserving,
for a people like us.

thank You for Your love,
thank You,
thank You,
thank You.

my life is a gift for You alone, Savior King.

oh i can see it now, i can see the love in Your eyes
i can see it. i can see it.

thank You.

thank You.

thank You.

Down stormy road..
Let me begin to imagine the sunny day with you..
Its strange..
I can't seem picture the sunny day in such a storm..
Its as if I have forgotten what it was like..
But I do see us walking in the rain..
Its cold at first but we soon get use to it..
The rain stops and the lightning dances across the sky from cloud to cloud..
I remember us leaving and never arriving..
Without destination..
The leaving storms in the distance leave such a blue for my eyes..
I call it Storm on the horizon blue..
That is where I see us..
Running with the lightning in the sky..

I miss the feeling of pure happiness I got when I was able to run around in the rain and not get in trouble for dirtying my clothes.

I miss staying outside on warm summer nights with my brothers catching fireflies until we were forced inside.

I miss jamming out to "heart and soul" on the piano with my dad, thinking it was the coolest thing in the world.

I miss my grandma telling me not to roll down the hill with no shirt on because I would be itchy. (But I did of course anyway. Several times.)

I miss waiting for the heaviest snowfall, and going outside for hours to build a snowfort. (Even though we got cold and kicked it down anyway.)

I miss being carefree. Only worrying about what mom was cooking for dinner.

Most of all, I miss how much more the little things meant to me.

I long for those feelings again.

They have
                      Taken my
                      Lord,
                      Where has
                      He been
                      Taken?
                      The tomb
                      Is empty,
                     Now we
                     Are quite
                     Shaken
He lives! He is risen! Glory to God in the highest! Blessed is he who comes in the name of The Lord! Redemption is here for us all. He died so we may live!
                     For our
                     Lord was
                     Not stolen
                     But risen
                     From his
                     Mortal
                     Grave
                     He has
                    Arrived to
                    The place
                    We to will
                    One day call
                    Our home,
                    The place
                    Where our
                    Heavenly
                    Father dwells.
                    Prepare, one
                   And all! He
                   Waits for
                   Us to come
                   To be with
                   Him too

Me: Getting lost in total abandonment--
Abandonment of dignity and self-awareness
Lost in the praise I was singing unto You
The Enemy: Striking again, pummeling me to the ground
Whispering to me the lie
that I had been abandoned by You
Me: Unable to stand with my body,
But taking a stand in my heart, remembering Your eternal
GLORY and GOODNESS,
Your everlasting loving-kindness,
Your grace, mercy, and faithfulness.
Shouting my praise to you now,
With even more conviction than before, having a greater hope
Knowing I would be restored,
Knowing that I was surrounded by love
The Enemy: Running and hiding
From the boldness exuding from me in the name of Jesus
He was defeated
You: Smiling, delighted with Your daughter,
Your faithful servant
Whispering to me a promise--
"My love will never let you go, for I am the everlasting God"

A big clock stood tall in the center of a park
With long hands and wood that was carved with much care
The carvings so detailed yet adding a spark
To the trees that surrounded it's great wood frame there

I noticed and awed at the effort at work
For it's hands seemed to reach out to the skies as they search
And i noticed that the hands were all lined in thick gold
The beauty mesmerizing although it was old

As i came up closer to view the great clock
I noticed a problem which came as a shock
The hands were not moving as they lay still and bear
What a shame as this clock was a beauty standing there

But when i looked down to the base of the clock
I could see a gold glimmer as if writing were there
So with curiosity springing in me i immediately flocked
To it's base were i then read aloud with much flair

"Time is but a moment in the span of a life
And a second only the beginning of a minutes ending strike
And forever only the equal to an eternity's one night
So with care every second use wisely for might
As a second is as precious as a minute of time"

As i read out the words more than once in my mind,
And still trying to grasp what intentions did write
A footstep so faint yet my ears could not lie
Approaching me softly ever slowly behind

And turning around an old man met my eye
A man full of years many a season he did mark
His hair white as snow and his face worn and dry
A worried and troubled reflection from his empty glassy eyes

He then said "The big clock's tick
Many a day i privileged saw
The chime of that bell thick
When a child i would awe
Those days were my young years
My body then strong
A lad who with honest fear
Was taught right and the wrong

My parents had raised me
As best as they could
Love, respect and show kindness
Were the things that were good

Back then i despised men who i'd see in our town
How they ruined their lives so freely
It made me shiver, made me frown

I would then tell myself
That i'd never drink or smoke
Vices would not be on my shelf
That my life was no joke

The years went by and i was eighteen
A boy fresh out of school
The excitement of college awaiting
Freedom from home seemed so cool

So i packed my bags and clothes
And bade my parents goodbye
I was now alone to roam the roads
So excited i felt i could fly

So i then got settled in the big city
And studied my wanted degree
First year passed yet oh so quickly
Time passed with the feeling "im free"

I headed straight home on vacation
My family i now longed to see
And spent those days in anticipation
What could next year have in store for me

Vacation ended even more quickly
I almost couldn't leave
But determined to push through this so sickly
My degree ever my goal to achieve

I then met one lad jason
A schoolmate of the same age
Although he from the city's inner mason
Was someone i readily engaged

He then became my room mate
And that is when it began
Jason was different a drinker
My sleep oft disturbed i did hate

Although he tried to lure me
To try even just one
Yet i so promptly rejected
As my conscience no evil had done

I was taught that evil be feared
But then doubtfull thoughts filled my small mind
Had my parents been too strict and weird?
Was there danger i curiously whined


So i thought and i thought and decided
It won't hurt it's just once i confided

So i drank my first beer
And i puffed my first smoke
Then i tried my first stronger drink
This is great though i thought
Not too bad i revoked
As my conscience now beginning to shrink

So i added another exemption
Saying just a little more's fine
Till the alcohol turned into drugs and addiction
I was now pushing it to the line

I would mock at the holy scriptures
And curse God when drunken or high
I would sometimes try and picture
How cruel my family's lies

A year passing by i still loved it
I free and now unrefined
But my vices eventually my health hit
I  was forced then to pause and recline

My body was racked with a fever
And i bound to the bed where i lay
I was sick and now not a believer
I'd forgotten how to pray

My life continued on this way
For years with no restraint
My friends all left but didn't say
Their reason or complaint

I went into depression
My pain and guilt remorse
I needed intervention
Twas time i changed my course

And as i in my darkest hour
Was sinking in despair
My heart's once fresh and lively flowers
Now crushed down burnt and bear

And as i lay in bed that night
For the first time in 3 years
I prayed dear lord please save my life
This pushed me into tears

And while i now was sleeping
I dreamt about that clock
And God as i was still there weeping
Approached me and we talked

He said that life is fragile
That time is not a joke
And day by day time's counting down
Convicted i awoke

And then God said to me what if he
For one day made time still
And on that day i would be free
To clean my life and will

Right then the clock stopped ticking
 Long hands eleven lay
I shocked jumped up heart beating
But i just didn't know what to say

Then HE said my child this is your chance now
To redo the wrongs you've done
And the chance now to change as you have vowed
Will soon be late my son

Live your life while imparting life giving
Love to all the poor one's who need love
With your hands now undo evil's giving
And remind of their Father's great love

Feed the poor and be eyes to the blind one
Give your strength to the crippled and the old
Bring the dying man good news of salvation, my son
For in heaven he shall walk streets of gold

As the time will soon end now forever
And your chance for redemption no more
It's the time now for sins to be severed
As heaven's gates soon open their door
Once the clock is at twelve you will know that,
Tis the end and we're now going home

As his words hit my heart i then waited
I would check how much time i had now
But as i fixed my eyes it all slowly faded
And my bed was what pressed on my brow

I awoke realising that i was sleeping
And the dream was my life counting down
And the more that my sins i'm committing
All the more my head won't wear that crown

See the clock was not there just to tell time
But to also guide ones on their way
Like the man who was lost and ran out of line
The clock was placed there as a sign

Today is the day that we must choose
If today is the day that we will start
To change our life and become true
And learn from our mistakes but move on and do our part

And you keep saying to yourself "ah yes tomorrow"
But again you commit the same wrong
We never know how many more days can be borrowed
As the clock keeps its ticking all along

I start to strum the guitar, with her in mind.. I smile before I sing, the words about how happy she seems.. But the song changes chords, minor and sad, I tell a story about how really things are bad.. She cries in the morning as she awakens, I think its me, My soul is shaking.. The chorus is about us and them, How they destroyed our love poem.. I try to make her happy, I try to color her eyes, But I need to stop this nonsense I need to go on to the other side.. You see my songs make her cry, She screams why did you have to die! I sing to her dreams,  She sees I am not yet an angel, Because I cannot go alone toward this  heavenly light beam..

Some of the smallest jewels shines the most brightest of all.
Whatever you do in the private of your life here on the earth.
Shall either draw others to Christ our Holy Savior God King.
Or push them even father from him, remember this always
Sometimes you have to let people go and walk away from them.
Because all that they are doing is taking from you and not giving back.
They are not seeing Christ in you but a pawn. to take advantage of.
Sometimes prayer is the only way out of any situation.
Because sometimes only Christ can save you from the spot that you are in.

I drive down the evening road sun setting.. Cool air from the summer night is my air condition. I can't remember the last time I even worried about anything.. That's what scares me. Am I allowed to have such peace..  Everything about the drive reminds me about how beautiful life can be.. My family is healthy and happy,   My truck is running good, My bills are paid, And I am at a perfect balance..  It always seems to me that malevolent spirits feed off of people like me..  The ones at peace with themselves..  They want to take the luster away from such a diamond..  Just because its beautiful.. But I will ride this wave until worry does come back.. Its all I can do..  The sun setting horizon has purples and oranges that only God can paint.. Wow!  I make a U turn back home..  Here is to hope and peace!

Through death..  Afterwards, Aftermath, The glow among the darkness.. The signature used between us was an emotion we never quite understood but used anyhow to the fullest of our comprehension..  I loved you! That is how I am able to find you in this infinite space and time.. Our love is like a beacon to each other, like magnets of hope that are pulling toward each other..  Although I am dead this new infinite form I have ascended to is made of our love.. And then we finally find each other.. We hold each other at the center of darkness..  We become light...  We become a star...  The light we give off warms a nearby planet.. We are the light of life, the giver of shine.. We are the day and night there.. In this new forever created by love..

I ask the Lord To be with me
as I journey through my day
it was so good to know His eye
was on me each step of the way

now I may stumble I may fall
and still he will remain
my precious friend though my failure
He keeps me safe and sane

He will be there till the end of strife
No matter where you are
He is there patiently waiting
no distance will be too far

He will reached down from heaven
with his tender hand
and show you His love
how much he really cares

Don't ever give up on his love
for he loves you and He's there
He will not allow more to happen
then what we can bear

we all have those days
when things goes wrong
to know inside our heart
we can always sing a song

he will hear your call loud or faint
and surely answer your prayer
there's never been a day I could say
my lord was never there