When I was little I used to be scared of everything.
I swore there were bloodstains on the coffee table.
One night my grandma saw me fist fighting in my sleep.
You can’t forget the traumatic things.
It haunts me in my dreams.
My mother did the best she could.
I don’t blame her. **** happens and you roll with the punches.
My father never said he loved me enough.
I used to sit by the front door waiting for his headlights but once again, another no show.
He loved the liquor more than me.
I don’t blame him.
Because now I do too.
I wish I could fill the white spaces with something wholesome, something sweet.
But by now the pain has become another layer of my being.
I’m formed with bad habits tied into my heartstrings.
Like the bittersweet taste smeared across my gums and in between my teeth.
And I can’t help but look in the mirror and ask myself, “who were you before the world made you cold?”
My mother says I was the empathetic one.
As long as I can remember I’ve been living life on the run.
Hiding from myself, stuffing, suppressing all emotions.
I used to know what it was like to drown but now I steer clear of the oceans.
I used to tell myself that I swallowed that water instead of drowning but my lungs just grew accustomed to breathing underwater.
I lost my virginity when I was thirteen to a man who was much more stronger than me.
He would press my face into the sheets, making it seemingly impossible to breathe.
He’s the reason why I started drinking.
I’d love to feel that burning sensation crawling down my throat into the pit of my stomach.
It hurt less than the nights he’d creep into my bedroom.
I used to sleep in the closet.
It took years of therapy to break that habit.
I won’t ever let the fear of him seep into my bone marrow again.
It’s like the word UNLOVABLE is tattooed on my inner thigh.
I wish people came with warning labels.
I wish my mother could see the signs before he laced his body with mine.
But I don’t resent her for it.
It’s not her fault.
And if you ever ask me if I regret anything I’ll say no.
Because all of this molded me into the person I am today.
Some days it’s hard to keep the bad thoughts at bay.
They swim in my waters making the currents hard to stand against.
But when the world is falling apart around me I refuse to crumble.
Because I am strong.
And I still choose to believe that most people are good.
I refuse to be cynical.
I refuse to let the bitterness hide in my small intestine.
I won’t let the enemy win by making me cold again.
I am warm sunshine, I am the feeling of sand between toes, I am celestial.
And I will associate myself with the word strong. I will take that to my grave.
Because I refuse to be defined by anything less than brave.

I mean I want you in a way
that means I want everything

I want to devour you
until I become you
I want to savor
every sweet and bitter
and light and dark
part of you
until I know every secret
you would share with me

I dont want to rush into you
I want to take it slow and easy
I want to spend an eternity
exploring and discovering
all the curves and mounds
of skin and muscle and bone

I want to learn every word
of every hope
and wish
and prayer
you carry in your blood by heart

I want to know every song
that makes you smile
every poem that makes you weep
every book that has changed you

I want to know all of the history
that made you who you are today
and all the dreams and hopes
of who you want to be tomorrow

I want to be part of the kiss
that makes your heart supernova
and then be pulled into the gravity
of the center of darkness left behind
and then relight the fires
of your still warm heart
and watch it grow
and burn brighter
and bigger than before

I want to be part of the journey
you are on to a better self
and learn how to become
a better me as I travel by your side

I want to be devoured
by your eyes
and let you split open my gut
and let all my lies
and truths spill out
leaving nothing hidden

I want to show you every thing
I have carried in my heart
I want you to know every scar
and broken piece of it  
I want to learn and teach you
the name of every star in the sky

I want to read you every poem
that has made me feel
there must be something more
to inhaling and exhaling
than just living and dying

I want to cry in front of you
as I read the favorite part
of my favorite book

I want you to know more about me
than I know about myself

I want to give you the map
and the key
and the bed
of my heart and my soul

I want to be everything you need
whenever you need it
I want you to know
how horribly and painfully
shy I am
and that for you
I want to be brave
I am willing to be brave
and I have never
been able to be brave before

I am willing to break for you
I am willing to cry over you
I am ready to stop hiding from
and neglecting my feelings of love

I am willing to give it away
and risk not getting it back

because when I say I want you
I mean I love you
and when I say I love you
I mean I want to give you
all of my life

whatever I have left
in my heart

I want to spend it on you

and if you don’t want me

thats okay
you’ve already given me more
than I ever would have asked for
and more than i ever
would have deserved

Someday you’ll love you.
From the sparkle in your eye,
To the pitch of your laugh,
Even the color of your hair.

You will love every part,
From every wrinkle,
To every crinkle,
Every part of you.

But they will try to tear you down,
To make you frown,
To make you think you’re not worth it.

But darling you listen to me.

From the way you walk,
To the way you talk,
You will be mocked,
But don’t you listen.

From your weight,
To your height,
You are all wonderful to me.

Maybe one day you’ll see,
The beauty I see.
The way you were made,
So beautifully.

But until then,
Do not forget,
On how true beauty,
Comes from within.

A visible spirit
She came to me and
Asked for my name
I asked her why:

Does she need my name for?
She said that I yelled at her
And if I do it once again

I would see the visible spirit of her
I have come across so many spirits,
On my job, and none could match
My mines: I stood my cool,

And I vouch never to encounter her
I would walk through the valley
Of the shadow, of death, and I would
Fear no threats, not for the likes of her,
I know her, I once was her, but
Not as stupid as her, wraith

I will not let it rest, I whisper
Under my breath, another one
On my radar, another close called
My way of doing things:

And if you are to love,
Love as the moon loves.
It doesn't steal the night,
It only unveils the beauty of the dark.

And if you are to love,
Love as the rain loves.
It doesn't wet the bodies,
It only washes the sad dirt of the souls.

And if you are to love,
Love as the wind loves.
It doesn't drift away,
It only cleanse you to the core by invading through each pore.

And if you are to love,
Love as the sun loves.
It doesn't radiates heat,
It only pours its warmth on you to enlighten your way.

And if you are to love,
Love as the star loves.
It doesn't delightfully twinkles,
It only reminds you that not even death can separate two hearts.

And so forth,
if you are to love
Love as the whole universe
& not just a part of it.

You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

:)

By Arcassin Burnham


When the sun is off work and the moon takes shift and the
lights turn off , I'll b e missin' you,
As I lay in bed with the t.v. up loud while watching youtube,
I'll be missin' you,
Remaining thoughts run off at the top of my head but I'm slowly
calming down when I'm missin' you,
you give me lost thought highs, I ain't taking no drugs but I gotta
get you back cause I'm missin' you.

I know you wanna pick up the phone with shaky hands at a steady pace,
Sacrifices go out the window when i hold your face,
Cause now I'm contemplating love like I really didn't have a care in the world,
But if that were so you would have been erased,
Uncontrollable urges,
search for purpose just for loving,
Was it affordable to have a guy that you deserve or was it not in vain to sell
your heart in the first place,
I know a good guy would waste your time and all of your space,
bad boys come your way,
Your suddenly all nice, with me its all fake,
argued and yelled a lot,
but most arguments you just mistake,
I told you that I loved you everyday, It'll be forever,
Said **** it and left me with a four page letter.


When the sun is off work and the moon takes shift and the
lights turn off , I'll b e missin' you,
As I lay in bed with the t.v. up loud while watching youtube,
I'll be missin' you,
Remaining thoughts run off at the top of my head but I'm slowly
calming down when I'm missin' you,
you give me lost thought highs, I ain't taking no drugs but I gotta
get you back cause I'm missin' you.

/

Situations and complications are that easy to surpass if you and your
companion have a strong a mindset to recite over and over like they
were lines at a play,
bed you lay , you can't see another on nights that you sleep alone,
ain't a happy home,
stepped in terrordomes,
this is negativity but it has grown,
can't but help to feel a hate,
in knowing that this ain't the place,
the time even nor the space,
should have apologized to your face.

But I can see you fallin' , fallin',
In Love.
Nobody else above you , above,
except the one thats above.
But I could hear your voice and its killing me,
from inside.
I won't run from your lovin' , your lovin',
I can't hide.
But I can see you fallin' , fallin',
In Love.
Nobody else above you , above,
except the one thats above.
But I could hear your voice and its killing me,
from inside.
I won't run from your lovin' , your lovin',
I can't hide.
Can't hide.