I am the sun,
and you are the shadow.
You could eclipse me,
but I am not afraid.

I
am
healing
but I don't want you to take off your shoes in my home yet

I
am
healing
but I'm still afraid of your touch

I
am
healing
but while I'm healing, you're burning like a broken electric wire, and while you burn you bloom

so yes, I am healing
slowly
trembling
feeling numb
but healing

roses are red
night is dark
writing this poem
hurts my heart

shaky sobs
like violets, i'm blue
i'm wondering
why i ever loved you

i was born
with a heart too big to fit
inside my chest
and a soul bigger than my body
so i have chosen
to leave pieces of my heart
in the places my feet have known
in the people i have loved
in the words i have read
in the beauty my eyes have seen
and my soul-
i have scattered it like seeds
and i have left parts of it
in songs,
in poetry,
in the laughter of children,
in the arms that have held me
and the hearts that have loved me

naked,

underneath snow that falls,

like a dead waltzer,

like you and your shaking self.



naked ,

where snow melts around bones that break,

knees that shake.

and a voice that refuses to speak.



naked,

laid out to rest,

cede to the crackling frost;

frost like a galaxy,

the same galaxy, crafted and stitched into your ice-born skin,

into your glacier eyes.



naked,

starved,

a suicidal dreamer,

trying to touch the stars,

the begging, arctic moon -

trying to touch anything

but her anorexic, marbled form.

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, staring down at me

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, a hero in the sky

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
and i wonder if this means
that no matter how many
crimes you commit
somewhere deep inside
you are still my savior
standing so tall, so far
always untouchable
i wonder if this means
that in my heart
you still hold a position
stories higher than anyone else
i keep looking for a savior
but that place remains unreplaced
because the safety after the fear
that you gave me is irreplaceable
and i wonder if that means
no matter how far i run
i'll still search for you
in my skies and sun

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your skin buzzing with electricity

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your touch caressing my skin

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
and i wonder if that means
no matter how many times
i try to escape
your weight is still somewhere
on my chest
holding me down like a brand
claiming me as yours
your skin is heavy
with hunger and mine
craves you in ways i never
craved anyone else
and after all these months
i wonder if this means
you are still somewhere
on my body
in my body
i wonder if you still
live somewhere in my heart
and under my layers
and i wonder
if this means no matter how many
times i try to wash you away
you are still
always there.

The demons inside are terrible
They tell you how to feel and what to say
All they seem to do is make life unbearable
They come out when you least expect it just to play

They poke fun and make you cry
The bad thoughts sometimes come and stay
You get pushed to the edge ready to leave the world with no goodbye
Wile the demons inside laugh and don't go away

Your ears ring with their laughs
While your screams comfort them inside
They whispered the bad things in what seemed like paragraphs
Until you fell apart in your mind

There are no rules for them
They lie and break and bruise
They cause mayhem
The demons fight and play until you lose

when a boy shows you his hands
bare except for the dust
he’s begging you to look past
take them in yours.
squeeze them once.
twice.
say without speaking
that you understand that the valleys
in his palms were meant to cradle
shooting star wishes
that he’s allowed to still hope for.
when a boy shows you his eyes
of milk and crimson and melanin
a bloodshot vein for every night he can’t sleep
let him shut his eyelids.
say without speaking
that you understand that the black hole pinpricks
of his irises hold more than the universe
should allow.
when a boy shows you his soul
shivering but still working toward friction
iced over but still working toward melting
let him come to rest next to yours.
say without speaking
that you understand that he is lonely
and that his silence speaks volumes
and that you kept his treasure close
because you love him.
when a boy shows you his hands
show him your hands.
when a boy shows you his eyes
show him your eyes.
when a boy shows you his soul
show him that
this is a comfortable place to rest it.
when a boy shows you the hardness that shaped him
show him the softness
that you have in store.