I see my friends in new relationships, in bliss
I'm happy for them
I'm also a bit bitter if I'm being honest
And if I'm being honest I'm never really honest
It's a protection plan of mine like
the kind you get when you're at the checkout and the
cashier who's on her
second hour of overtime
says that for thirty extras dollars all your broken parts can be fixed
if you bring it back
There was an asterisk next to the plan
Terms and Conditions apply, please sign here
so when you bring it back with a shattered screen
they say they can't help you because you did it to yourself
And I've done this
thing
to myself
Over and over and over again
Waiting for the time it works
The right formula of time multiplied by distance divided by maturity
But the solution I come up with always equals zero no matter what numbers I move around it stays the same
I don't commit because I've committed too much before
I don't walk on those egg shells anymore
When I love there is an asterisk next to my heart
Terms and Conditions apply, please sign here
Don't get too close because you might see me without my mask
And unmasked me is brutal and burnt out
As frail as thin ice covering the pond of his regrets
I've grown old groaning on about these things
A cold king with a cold crown sitting on a cold throne
alone
And I don't want to be alone but I don't want to change
This is normal for me and it feels safe even if it is killing me slowly
Nobody has been through my shoes
You can sympathize but don't ever say you can empathize
You have not seen through my eyes or felt with my heart
There are parts of me I lost with every step forward I took in absolute fearlessness and faith and it crippled me
So don't act like I have those parts of me, still
There are things I just cannot do anymore
Like an amputee who can't feel his wife's hand in his anymore
Like a paraplegic who can't run a marathon anymore'
Like a young boy who spent his love in fullness and never got any back
Please, just accept that this is who I am and I can't change that
Because it's not in my nature anymore
It just can't happen

Words don't come to me as easily as they once did
I've said it before
Said it before
said it before
Cynical echo sound away
So I erase, backspace, highlight and delete every syllable of love, fear, anxiety, I've lived through in this life
Smother my worth with worthlessness but I hope someone else feels they are worth it
That's my drive
Keeping a stranger alive another day, perhaps
Writing on a beach just to let my words wash away in the sand
Let myself soul drift out beyond the waves, but my body forgot to become drowned in the deep
where silence is the deadliest sound
and I've grown deaf
breathing but not alive

I would describe depression as purple
and show you the frailty of my sanity
a long hallway with a long staircase
that goes up as it goes downwards
parts of you will fall off as you climb
rattling and echoing like a ghost
passing yourself seven times over
dusty lungs barely keeping you up
do you ever wonder if it ever ends?

Through the darkest night,
In the midst of ash
Ahead of its time –
Where the blackest black
Of filth and fire
Consume, devour – repeat…

A Light shines.

And while fools
Dance with death
To the tune of
An evil they call “good” –
Grinding their teeth
To curse and boast…

A Voice sings.

And as the earth groans –
Aching under the weight of
The birth of many children
Called “Destruction,”
Who've grown to eat and ****
Their own…

A King reigns.

.

.
Bird in flight is grace
Beams truth is higher than proofs
A part earth and sky
.

Beyond politics
We as a poetic society
Possess gifts
A large verity
Arrangers of word
Raw emotional avengers
Vicariously we live
Safely as pretenders

Close the mind
Let the thoughts flow free
The world still exist
  Outside your zombie
Don't bother breathing now
Your far too late
Our earth is dying
While she's still being *****

Politics they never trend
Fantasy certainly
Will always win
That is
Until the bitter end!

The embers of my heart laid out in a line
Laid out like a pathway to the pines
Get lost in the woods and
Feel the darkness creep up to my throat
Let uncertain breath escape
See what lies in wait

I can’t do this anymore
There is no strength left
I can’t do this anymore
There’s no faith left

My skin’s so thin I could be a ghost
And fall right in with the dead
Blackened and blued and without a hope
What is there to l̶o̶v̶e̶  live for
I have no grave and must die
Let no one mourn for me

I love the Stars
Cold and distant burning warm on approaching day
Darker than the lover's heart once torn apart until the newfound comes
And ways present themselves

And in falling
Streaks across the sky proclaiming love of our atmosphere
With a tale of residue tagging along and just behind it's former way of life

And in our eyes seeing
A sparkle alive in this familiar, love found, way

A star entering loves atmosphere
Is what I see in the dawn of this new day

A brief breath stolen away
Wishing on a dandelion the rest will follow suit
Wishing the empty page would match my empty heart
Anxiety suffocating me, I'm barely breathing
Distant dark waters call my name to the shore
Lull my senses and deprive my feelings
The right side of my mind hopes
The left side of my mind despairs
My heart loves my head but my head says my heart is weak
Nothing is ever good enough and peace cannot stay
The voice in my throat often lies to me
Coping mechanisms just aren't enough anymore
Even suicide says she has nothing to offer me
In the briefest moment of honesty
I don't want this anymore
Whatever this is