Tonight, outside the storm
rages while the silence
inside me is as deafening
as a drowning violin,
I am as lonely as a lost feather
floating on a wandering
wind, my thoughts as painful
as a heartache wondering
when the beating will end
and love has turned cold,
passion has left, and when
the wine is all drunk I'll become
the insatiable leviathan
sinking ship after lost ship,
the salmon who drank the river
dry, the sailor who swallowed
the sea, until my forgotten
lover's face is seen in each breath,
and crystals condense
on my heart and my hands,
and the night is as dark
as a stranger’s stark shadow.

dear god,
you were introduced to me as kind, forgiving, generous. whenever i made a mistake, i didn't feel the need to come apologize to you because i thought you'd know it was a mistake and forgive me. not once in my life have i gone out of my way to hurt anyone. any pain i may have caused anyone was unintentional. like the way i broke my sister's arm- i didn't mean it. we were playing. my parents may not have understood that, but i knew you would understand because you were always- you have always been- my best friend.
i am eighteen now and i've made more mistakes than i can count. these mistakes didn't hurt anyone but myself. i made bad decisions out of vulnerability, desire, fear. and i thought you'd understand. i stayed up a few nights explaining to you exactly what happened (you were there though, so i probably didn't even need to do that). i ******* up, i didn't mean to hurt anyone. i swear to god. i mean, i swear to you.
but recently i'm being told by everyone around me that i need to repent and beg for forgiveness. god, i don't understand. why would i say sorry to you for my mistake? you created me. you knew i was made to make mistakes. if you wanted me to be perfect, you would have made me so. but you didn't. i've always come to you in times of need, in times of confusion and pain. you have guided me, i have trusted you, you told my secrets to no one.
why now, must i beg for forgiveness? you know me better than i know myself. you know i have always sacrificed myself for those i love, i never wanted anyone to hurt.
i am lying here with a broken heart and a the words are twisting in throat. my stomach is on fire and every breath is a struggle. i am thankful that i do not need to speak for you to hear me. god, tell me this, why must i beg for forgiveness when i know that you have forgiven me? i know you have forgiven me for being human. you made me human in the first place.
other humans will not forgive me.
you will. you always have.

please help me understand.
regards,
your human.

There's a storm
rolling in
from the east
off of the sea,
salty rain on
my skin,
if you could only
taste me,
darling, take
and shake me
until you hear
the thunder
under the wind,
and we both see
the lightning
out on the horizon
lighting a fire
all through
the night hours,
until our tired eyes
ride out the tide,
and we wake
on the waves
of a new day.