Life stories - Hello Poetry

Apr 2018

Benji James

If not for hellopoetry
I would have given up
The writing was starting to take its toll
Left me emotionally exhausted
I was forced to take a break
For all my energy it had drained
Sleepless nights, endless lines
Trying to switch off my brain
Left me depressed
When sentences formed
A story I'd tell
About my life in hell
Sometimes dramatised to a new level
Sometimes I have seen myself become the devil
All my emotions that stain the page
The blood, sweat and tears
Written into each line
Left me losing moments in time
And for this writing became a crime
Didn't feel like I was utilising my mind
Until recently I realised this was the only legacy
I would leave behind
I've seen this art in a whole new light
Through words on a page, I've shown my fight
I've shown all my emotions, I have been totally open
Gave my all in every line
Sprinkled in a flavour of rhyme
If not for hellopoetry all I'd have is blank pages
A mind full of lines, forgotten in time
Took some time to unwind
And that is when I realised
These writings and I are bound for life
I've learned to embrace this now
Finally proud of all my works,
how has it taken me this long
To fall in love with this art
If not for hellopoetry
An appreciation I would never have tasted
And this whole community I've embraced it
Don't care if you love or hate it
It's made me make some changes
If not for hellopoetry
There are talents I may never have uncovered
Some of us are still so young,
Still, more room left to improve
The elder ones raising us up
Understanding a whole new love for this art
I once said These lyrics were written in blood
Straight from the arteries from my heart
That metaphorically speaking
I spread all I am, all across the page
Bled the led with what I felt
So much heart into every verse
All this time it was never a curse
It was something special I've been gifted
To get all these thoughts out of my system
If not for hellopoetry
I wouldn't be here...caught within this poetic atmosphere

©2018 Written By Benji James

#hellopoetry #belief #writing #experience #journey #caring #community

Apr 2018

L B

We Are

Posted this some time ago and pulled it down after a couple hours.  I think it's time to leave it.  No, I don't write too many love poems....
___

I've often thought of splitting seconds down to nothing
how far it might be possible to walk into a wall
until my atoms slushed into the chalkboard
till the pressure where--
they are no longer fissile
where time stops and everything stands still...

...except for that taxi in the alley, honking

I could tell you what is out there
but who the hell would listen?

Everyone kept asking what I'd seen

Someone, somehow told them something--
of the torrent rushing by me
of the torment of the all-stop
for a soul still fused by heat and light to longing--
--or how would they have known to ask?

 When you get out there--
when you are really out there
it's all exactly where you left it standing--
every cell--
burning despair over the fuel of utterly alone
And how can anyone tell you....

I begged,
"I want to feel again!"
He kicked me
“You can feel."

A window standing open in the third floor of night
and I was hanging out it

A taxi in the alley
leaning on the horn

Heard-- my mother screaming out
from somewhere
Saw-- my body beside a car
below in snow

From behind me--
“Who the hell called a cab!”

...and when you're really out there
the windows all have opened onto nothing...
Death having long since-- left the scene.

When you get really out there
it's all--
and nothing

 He came to lead me out
I begged
“Define me!
Wrap your loving words around me!
Give me all the reasons we should be!”

He touched my hands my face
"We are"

made sure to catch my eyes--
again assuring

"We are.  We are.”

The intention of that night was for me to commit suicide, end the agony.  Perhaps the truest free-will act of my life was turning from that window.  It was not an act of strength or good-- not even desperation-- just response to silent urging-- to turn around.  Something snapped.  I could see it all, the evil ones waiting like starving vultures and then, the absolute mayhem of their panic as if they were shot around like rubber bands,  suddenly aware they were exposed.  I fled the house with two different boots and someone eles's coat.

I escaped into a January sunrise of despair.  The evil watchers had sent one of their own to accompany me.  The same one who had assured me it was hell, the same who would assure me as we walked along that "I'd get used to it."  But the morning colors of daybreak over the Merrimack River and the songs of birds were far too beautiful.  One thing I was sure of:  I was not dead, but had somehow escaped the anteroom of hell, had torn a hole in the continuuum of their diabolical plan.  Yes, it is possible by a single decisive act to alter time, to change eternity.

Drug related psychosis (LSD) with thought-process hallucinations and audibles.  Lasted 8 or 9 months, during which, I hardly slept for more than ten minutes at a time.   It ended as suddenly as it started.  Yes, I was in my right mind again.  No, I could never hit the reset on my life.  Consequences?  I knew what would have happened to me if I had gone to a hospital.    I'd read The Bell Jar and Ariel-- knew what happened to my Aunt Lil-- Belchertown State Hospital, the shock treatments, the Thorazine with its tardive dyskinesia. "...Our names too close, confused too often...

".  https://hellopoetry.com/poem/1911551/lillian/

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2035619/drowning-in-the-shallows/

When it was really bad, there was this one guy, Jay, who could talk me down. He was like an angel.

Apr 2018

Jeff Gaines

“Wow”

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines

I once had a really close friend ... I really want to believe this ... BUT ...
No matter how close I thought I was ... I would soon learn I was wrong. and eventually, after years of what I thought was closeness, she just "vanished" from me (or did she "vanish" me from her?), leaving me no way to contact her.

I pondered the reasons to the point of insanity ... until I realized that it just was what it was and there was nothing to do or say except to write a therapeutic piece like this (a few, actually) and move on.

I was led to find this writing from poet Trent Shelton ...
It truly began my healing process with an enlightening understanding:

"You can't control someone's loyalty. Being loyal is a decision they have to make. No matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean they'll treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you, doesn't mean they'll value you the same. You just have to understand the people you love the most, can sometimes turn out to be the people you can trust the least. But never let that turn you into a person you're not. Keep LOVE in your heart."
~TRENT SHELTON

#confusion #frustration #rejection #lossofafriend #acceptance #betrayal #betrayed

Apr 2018

J Robert Fallon III

Bland Hand

Seeping into this mattress the only consistency I know now, the only object I recognize is my stoic unchanging frown.

Running away always seems the viable choice, but the lonely mind is succumbed to having no voice.

The choice is directly in front of me and my hand, yet it looks so hideously bland, I don't understand.

When will my soul become a part of this confusing land?

So easily forgotten, do we remember the bright days of playing in the sand?

When dreams were always ingrained in the inevitable plan?

We all seem to forget the small thought of no matter what I can.

#poetry #poem #poets #childhood #anxiety #lonely #sad #mad #life #dream

Mar 2018

lauren

venice

They say butterflies do not appear in Venice
But I saw one.
In the hot heat of summer,
Past the rickety abandoned homes
While passing through yet another alley
Of vintage clothing shops.
It flew and fluttered in a fragile nature
Right past my head and
Strangers overlooked it,
But I marveled in its beauty while
They talked about the bridges that were
Under our feet and the
Gondolas that ventured past us.
They say this and that but
I fail to listen because
This and that simply means nonsense
Because I saw one.
In that moment he was there
Whispering sweet Italian lullabies
In my ear
La mia piccola farfalle.
And I felt at home
From hundreds of miles away.
They say butterflies do not appear in Venice
But I saw one.

Mar 2018

Kelly Weaver

collapse

Our home has an uneven foundation
The walls are crumbling and the support beams are rotting
And tonight, the roof finally caved in.
As my lungs filled with sawdust I covered my ears
I covered my eyes and hid from my fears
I didn’t wanna hear the screams or the tears,
I couldn’t bare to hear promises of suicide
And claims of pure hatred with a dash of cyanide
I couldn’t bare to see my home topple over
And I couldn’t bring myself to look at their hands bunched up into fists
They screamed until they couldn’t make a sound and I couldn’t deal
I couldn’t witness such a catastrophe without being scarred so I ran and I hid
I hid from their words and I hid from their lies
I hid until the worst of it was over
And then all was quiet.

When I opened my eyes, the walls were intact
The beams were solid, the floor was leveled
And everyone was smiling.
Their teeth were black with ash and soot
But they smiled wide, grinning ear to ear
And their voices were calm, the yelling had ceased
I uncovered my ears.
And though their mouths told one story
Their eyes told another
They were red and puffy, and I could see the pain that the damage caused
But they smiled on anyway
As did I.

the draft, however, remained.

#family #depression #drama #abuse #suicide