I take 3 steps forward, and 1 step back .
I was sober almost 4 months.

Doing swell, the job, prolific writing.
and then, wham, A bottle of Absinthe in two hours,
Not even Van Gogh on the box or the worm wood could
make sense of the garbled words I wrote.
**** Hemingway and Fitzgerald.  And Stein can go to Hell.

Don't rush God?
Since He has been so patient with our habits.
Our mistakes, our wickedness.
All started in the book of Genesis.

Don't rush God?
But accept that he loves us through the stupidity we create.
Even He regretted his mistakes in making us.
But let us strives to be a better person.

Lamentations three and twenty-five lay it out so plainly.
Read it and see, just why the love of God is a wonderful thing?

Trust In God
In helplessness we have been ordained with excellence
Every fate or fortune is predestined to follow and to flow
Kindness and mercy of Lord remains but as an evidence
So from birth till death there is a point to grow and glow
Soul from times immemorial remains the order of Lord
Likewise whatever is written in fate takes us but along
It is a moment of great pleasure to be the ward of God
We have a pride in the fact that to Lord we do belong
The only fact is that we donot have any one else less Lord
So we must have indomitable faith to believe in Him
Love of Lord is supreme to be understood as a love cord
My love for my Lord remains the basis of this hymn
Colonel Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright Aug2021 Love Remains

It's as a pearl in its shell
Not oppressed as you spell

You judge us for what we wear!
This we wear for what we care,

My beliefs bring me relief
I'm free, please don't weep for me

This is to please my creator
Not to impress the creation!

Peace be upon you
Peace be upon you.
The moment you were born
were summoned to Earth
far from heaven.
Far no more, no more
heaven is now an open door
close to the believers' souls!

Peace be upon you
Peace be upon you.
The moment did you dip
your toe in this mortal soil.
Mortal no more, no more
it becomes sublimely
the most beautiful of all!

Peace be upon you
Peace be upon you.
The moment you breathed life
your perfume stirred the water
the meaning of life is obscured
no more, no more
it’s all clear like the full moon!

Peace be upon you
Peace be upon you.
East to the west
you are the best.
The leading light
shines at the fore.
'Rahmatul lil Alamin'
Mercy to the world.
for the mankind
for the evening star
and the morning rose
you brought peace to all!

VI. deidameia's danse macabre

we are sick, deidameia
till the end of our days
we are sick with mortality

we are the ants on the pale blue dot
alone in our fruitless toil
we are a godless generation
feigning synthetic emotion
philosophies oh so fragile
dogmatic pins pushed into
unsuspecting cloth dolls

i'm right
you're wrong
i'm lonely

but right now
we stand at the crossroads
of destiny
a former self behind
a well-trodden path ahead

we find nirvana
as the clock strikes thirteen

when my eyes close
i taste oblivion and holocaust
so we dance on the edge
round and around we go
the pauper child, the holy man,
the king, the tiller of the fields:

so you sow, so shall you reap

the dice are cast
the cards are dealt
the matches are lit

this soul has been aching
to burn once again
douse me with kerosene
light me up like
cigarettes to cellophane
choke back the embers
we live on the smoke

i'll hate you till my lungs give out
i'll love you till my body's dust

i've won the world
and all her pearls
i've got the world
except you

IV. dawning at the sanctum

We were arms and legs,
ruffled pillows and
twisted blankets
bare writhing bodies
reflected in a warped carnival mirror
glowing embers of a fallen star
Your strokes
tentative and wavering
in an unsteady tremolo

find me where the shy dawn
dare caress the black crystal waters
that sparkled so green
amidst cold oceans of metaphor
and warm, streaky peach jam skies

gift me, make me, break me, grant me
may i find nourishment and sustenance
in suckling the dripping honey
from your velvet rose-tinted lips
slake Your thirst
sate Your hunger
drink from these fountains
and eat from these briars
revel in my sanctum
but let no blessed water
pass my parched lips

i will etch soliloquies into the nape of your neck
i, the calligrapher, you my masterpiece
monet's soleil levant and water lilies
botticelli's map of hell and rorshach blots
i will find god in your twinkling sepia eyes
and repose in the contours of your body
chiseled with conviction bold
i will trace lines traced long ago
and discover you anew
lilting auroras behind these tired eyelids
sweet aubades of clotted maple cream
embroidered into the
buttery cashmere shearling
of Your lush being
knotted, blistering lilac and rose
in this churning ****** sea
of flames and sculpted ice

bold sensual soft
caress but never kiss
it's five a.m.
and i still can't sleep
we're out of time
there's no stopping what's to come
but the taste of jasmine white tea
still lingers on my tongue
i'm still shouting to the void
and playing piano in the brazen dark

III. clay feet

the metal nightingales
chirp their heralding serenatas
realizing every lucid daydream
and smelting away every plastic
contingency

to part the molten
gold in Your eyes
is to tempt Fate
but you are Achilles
and i am your patroclus
i will lay down my pride, my life,
every ounce of my being
for You

You shall sit atop pedestals
adorned with bas relief acanthus
conquest and compassion
life and death
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
i will exalt You and Your pride
and wash Your clay feet

You are my first musing
in the morning
and final contemplation
at night
twice and three years
of abstinence
make my body whole and clean

II. alpenglow

hushed white
first snow's plush
duvet

inimitable beauty
euphoria
in the florid incandescence
infinitely faceted fractals
a conflagration:
fire on the mountaintop,
oh, these halos in the umbra—
roving alpenglow

paper birch
trembling aspen
bent by sheer roiling passion
into a piazza passageway
leading to Our
cloistered
crystal
kingdom
come

an icy, sharp chemical-like hint
of taste lingers
at the back of my throat
a steady stream of
tears cascading down
my face

i lie on the fallen down,
a snowy duvet under a yielding sun
that gifts the little light and warmth it can

crackling paris green
and steaming water
She does not watch us here

Our breath is one and the same
why are your hands so cold?
You whisper
my beloved philtatos,
they are but a mark
of the rites of passage we endured
and a youth idealized

understand
that i am a worn letter lost
burnished ink that once clung
to a burnished nib
on deckle-edge ecru paper
embossed with gold and filigree
do you dare to open me?