To survive this last dreary winter
I hid inside my cell
I fed my eyes and ears false joy
To alleviate the swell

To pass this last lonesome winter
I hid inside my phone
And pushed the earbuds in so far
I never felt alone

To endure this last lonesome winter
I journeyed through my head
And it's almost like I jumped right past
The fear of being dead

To last through long lingering cold
I lit a little flame
And pulled the products of combustion
Up into my brain

To make it through it would've helped
If I had still been young
I had a small square paper door
I placed atop my tongue

To Last and First, now let me say,
Preferring Z's to A's,
I wish I didn't get caught up
Reviewing yesterdays

I long for the Omega
When we shall all be one
And I will catapult past Vega
And melt into the Son

To get through next year's winter
I'll need your guiding hand
Isolation didn't work
As well as I had planned

Though inner space was quite immense
I'll turn to face your gaze
And trip and traipse through forest dells
Where your beloved prays

Turn the lights down
and remember me....
Aren't we still the same--?
in shadows
of incoherent innocence and beauty?
In the soft and limpid
florals of the spring?
Am I not the same--?
still warm, somehow?

My love--

Can we not, still make it here?
In ancient fires?
Turn me toward you, in your mind--
Wanting--
Erase the blight
with lips still seeking mine
Hair has drifted off--
the years
to catch the moonlight on a shoulder
as nothing else    will

ever

With something mined
from hearts and minds  

Touch me!
Make me forget!

time

her ring sits on the mantlepiece
worn thin on one side
that dull warm yellow
that gold sometimes takes on

i remember it cutting into my hand
as she held it tightly as we shopped
it was bright and shiny then

she used to wear it on her  longest finger
after dad left us, she left it off for awhile
and then wore it on the other hand

it was tight on her workworn hands then
she took it off again before she went into
this last home, but kept it locked in a security draw

now it sits on the mantlepiece, waiting
for me to find a safe place for it
for it is the little bit of my mother's spirit
that will one day be part of my son's  wedding ring,

dripping
    wet
      from
        head
            to
              toe
                     glistening
                            like
                         the
                sparkle
                in
        your
crystal
        blue
            eyes
                 love
                   everlasting
                           like
                              the
                     flowers
                  we
      continue
    to
      grow
       shimmering
                in
                    the
                        sunlight
                                    like
                                          diamonds
                                                          catching
                                                       the
                                             waves
                                          in
                                     my
                             drink

rain is sifting through the leaves              
nests of bramble, blackberry  
ferns green and resting in
noon's shadowed face
shining drops, halcyon
washing April blue until
the moon blinks

Spinning and whirling, of course it would stop
Right here at this God forsaken spot
That wheel of time never did like her
In good times that wheel couldn't spin faster
In bad times that wheel would be dragging an anchor
Grinding through loneliness, bad things did occur

It use to be when she was in this agonizing place
Floating there in outer space
Desperately wanting friends so bad
But in outer space there's none to be had
Night time in her darkened room, she let the agony go
With every sharp slice like fire, blood filled with agony would flow

Spinning slowly into good times, it brought with it friends
One was a soul-friend connected through centuries, he was a Godsend
Teaching her how to deal with the loneliness, and darkness
He reminded her of the pen's savage caress
He was a great poet, with a shattered caring heart
"Bleed ink on the paper to make it depart"
"I love you dear friend, use the pen instead of the blade to drain
All the agonizing sorrow, and dark thoughts in your brain"

Soon figuring out they were friends of the soul, talking everyday
She prayed it would always stay that way
She got use to the "I love you" said to each other
When she was sad, big Bear hugs that smothered

Quickly the wheel spun good around to bad
In that day, in just a few hours she lost all she had
His demons had won, they had finally taken him down
On deaths door, bet you can guess by who he was found
It was a grief of the soul, she had never felt before
Far beyond agony, sorrow, or pain, this was a different door

One by one the other friends slowly disappear
It doesn't matter how, she's right back here
Wheel grinds slowly through loneliness
She's trying everything not to be depressed

Carefully she takes out and caress the tiniest wrinkle out of the paper
Pen now in hand, writing so fast ink almost becomes vapor
She drains her pain into her new friends she creates
With the blackest ink her darkness she tries to illuminate
With her paper friends she tries  to banish the crushing loneliness
Trying to fill the spot he left, trying to fill the emptiness

©Pauline Russell

We dance in the ashes like
Literary scavengers.
In the ruins and after rages
We draw the shreds of words and pages
Around our naked bodies like Blankets,
A quilt of the quintessential struggle
Which all people suffer