You opened up my Pandora's box
And out sprang forth a geyser of forgotten traumas.

Years of hard work of disassociation,
Wasted.

You yell at me for not loving you better but I was loving you just fine before this and if I didn't then that's on you for never speaking up.

Your intimidation isn't my problem.

You yell and kick and scream
About abandonment
While I'm fighting off the demons
You activated for abandoning yourself and with that, your life.

You don't get to dictate how I handle the pain YOU opened up.

Idc about your half hearted attempts.

Admit that you're weak and you fell and you're knocked out and stop pretending to play confident king.

Delusional men who think they sit on a throne of truth but they sit upon half-truths, broken to pieces by your fractured perceptions.

Just admit it.

You are defeated and I refuse
to lie down and die in your coffin with you.

Humans aren't experienced with
"Intricacies."

The world sped up and shifted away from meaning.

They don't have time
To stop and think,

Let alone,
Stop and wonder.

They need things simple and quick,
To the point and definitive.

But I never was any of those things.

Anomalies stitched together with
deep complexities.

A walking contradiction
To all that is non-fiction.

I'm like ridin' waves,
Up n down.
Never staying the same.

I don't make sense, they say.

Is it because I can't make sense of me?

They wanted what was whole but couldn't have it all
So they took pieces instead.

And when they came back for another,
they came to realize there was nothing left.

Is it normal to have old dreams past slosh from side to side in your head?

A sea of old memories that were never real,

Yet you remember them sometimes better than the ones you collected from everyday reality.

Is it normal to have your mind somewhere in space?

Or possibly it fell out and down the drain instead,

Maybe it is sinking to the bottom of the ocean by now.

But seriously,

I don't know where I am.

Walking between worlds.

I feel so spacey.
Like I'm falling and there is nothing to hold onto.

Like there's a cannon ball
Rolling. . . side to side. . . and side to side in my head. . .

Is it all my thoughts that I could never make sense
now condensed?

Weighing me down further into the silent void.

The Emptiness, the stillness, the calm. . .

People talk of these things like they are comforting

But to me I feel like dry bones walking around,

Dead inside both in heart, and in head.

Crack the sky open

And spill forth all that was hiding behind the curtain.

You will not hide the Truth from us much longer

and you will die trying

as we die fighting.

God always wins.

I want a man who remembers his Divinity.

In his full spirit, ready to create with me.

I want the woman who has remembered she is a Goddess.

Let me worship them in love and gratitude.

I want people who remember,

With Me,

Who we really are.

I already Am that I am,

Where are those who are?

It feels like my heart

Doesn't have much room to feel

That much of anything

Other than fear.