Do you want to know me?
The real me
Can you see my soul?
Do you have what it takes to handle me unwrapped?

Will you see beyond my scars?
Will you love me regardless?
May I give you my all without being crushed?
May I bare myself at your feet?

If not...
Just go,
Leave me alone and move on
My heart has been through enough disappointment,
To last an entire lifetime on it's own...

My worn out eyes
stare through the crowd
no joy to be found

My worn out eyes
cry tears at night
nothing but pain around

My worn out eyes
are tired and dead
how they still stay up  
is a mystery unresolved

My worn out eyes
are just worn out eyes
nothing more
nothing less
just worn out.

I hear a whisper in the night.
"I am enough".
And it fills my heart with joy.
But the joy is fleeting,
As I do not feel worthy of it's song.

The whisper fades in the static of my mind.
Feelings of guilt and shame,
Replace the whisper's cry.
The self-loathing rises up once more.
An ever present rumble of isolation,
Controls my inner thoughts.
And I am filled with a sadness,
Of what my life has become.

A stranger now resides within me.
She is filled with loss and regrets
The tears begin to flow,
And fill my eyes with longing,
For the girl I left behind.
I am so very tired,
Of this battle in my mind.

I push aside my inner darkness,
And I look to the stars for comfort.
I whisper to the night.
"I am enough"
"I am MORE than enough".

The stars begin to fall,
Through the darkness of my mind.
With quiet whispered calls,
Only chaos will they find.

Here colours swirl in time,
To the madness found within.
They start to flow and rhyme,
Until anxiety begins.

A crushing, pulsing weight,
Is baring down on me.
An overwhelming hate,
Of what has come to be.

I long for something more,
Then blackness and decay.
To find an open door,
And float my fears away.

My dreams are full of lies,
Full of vile thoughts that bleed.
They dance before my eyes,
And on my anger they do feed.

I wish for brighter days,
For a glow within my heart.
But this void forever stays,
And it tears my soul apart.

Pain is roaring in my skull,
Full of waves of raging fire.
It keeps my senses dull,
So my will begins to tire.

Exhausted from the fight,
From this battle in my mind.
I am lost without the light,
And my sanity unwinds.

They tell her that's she's gullible
They tell her she's naive
All she wants is to see the best in people
She truly just wants to believe

That there are still good people out there
Decent people, like herself
That live their lives with integrity
Helping others for more than an exchange of wealth

Yet time && time again,
People seem to take advantage
Of her kind hearted nature
Of her willingness to always bandage

Everyone else's wounds
All she really wants to do is mend
The hearts of all the broken
To listen whenever they need a friend

The girl whom is always helping
To fight other people's battles
The one that you deem weak
For helping piece back those who have been dismantled

Though she feels all alone at times
Though she could use help with some stuff
She'll never ask for anyone's aid
For her, helping them out is enough

I'm curled up on the bathroom floor
Wishing for something more
But what it is I do not know
Maybe love or a way to show,
My bleeding heart, the shattered glass
I hope this feeling will pass
Maybe a blade stained with red
Or a way out of my broken head
I'm gonna try to sleep  
So off to my bed I creep
Goodnight
Sleep tight
Goodbye
Don't cry, for me
I'll be free

You’re not a kid anymore, your all grown up.
I’m only 15 though, but you act like I’m 21.
I drink to hide the pain.
I cut myself to release the pain, it’s an addiction now.
A few years ago I had life planned, but now it’s all blurry and I just struggle to get out of bed.
I just want everything to stop, Breathe. Just breathe.
How do I look at people? I let people down.
None of this matters now, I never mattered.
I still want to believe in a future but I’m stuck in this nightmare.

I am not a child,
I am not your child.
In fact, I am all grown up.

I am all grown up,
but I cannot forget my childhood
because of you.

I kiss girls,
not boys,
because I am afraid that they will hurt me,
(like the monster you are) like you did.

I cover up,
extra clothes,
because I rarely wore clothes as a child
and you would peer at me through
the crack in the bathroom wall.

I don't sing with the birds.
I don't hug my teddy bear.
I don't leave the house.
I am terrified you are out there,
hunting for me like I am your prey.

But I am not a child,
I am all grown up,
and I can beat you up.

I am not a child,
and I will not call you "My Daddy"
and I will not let you call me "Baby".

I am not a child,
and I will not let you touch me.
I am gold, I am radiant, I am light.
And you will not ruin that,
ever, ever, ever again.

6 years old
loves barbies
plays outside
learning to ride a bike
shes getting taller

9 years old
loves chapstick flavors
walks outside
rides her bike everywhere
she is the tallest in her class

14 years old
loves mascara
runs outside to burn off the cupcake
bike sits alone
she is the biggest in her class

16 years old
loves black
runs lines down her arms, she doesnt see the sun
she drives around for hours thinking about everything but nothing
she is shrinking

18 years old
loves loneliness
runs and runs and runs from herself
she drives around hoping that she will be strong enough to make it home
she is breaking
slowly

20 years old
loves skipping meals
goes running until she feels like she's going to pass out, then runs another mile
she drives around thinking about her suicide attempt and thinks about heading home
she doesn't even know if home is a place or a feeling or if its real
lines going up her thigh now because she found out that wrists make people worry

people don't understand the process of self destruction
it started a long time ago
and it will never end
until she does.

I gave you my heart
and you lost it on the ground
now it's broken into ten thousand pieces
and I'm left here
picking up the pieces