Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Sep 2018
muteD
trusting
“trust me”
but trust me,
trust stings.

trust has to be earned.
or so they say
but for some reason
i hand my trust out
like Halloween candy
right at 7 o’clock.
every word that you tell me,
i believe.
but trusting you scares me.
cause every person i trusted?
abandoned me.
stole from me.
left me wondering,
if I’m as pathetic as i feel
or if i only look it.
i wonder what makes me different from others.
what makes you stop and think
“i wonder how bad i have to hurt her to drop her to my feet.”
you wound me.
not with your words
but your actions are screaming
and i can’t stop listening.
like the sound of my heartbreaking
is on repeat.

(“I wanna put this song on replay. so i can listen to it all day.”
oh Zendaya how i wish i could relate.)
 Sep 2018
muteD
“No one cares about you unless you’re dead or lying naked in their bed.”
-mute
•••

too many.
too many to remember.
too many to count.
all my life I’ve been searching for love and affection
in the wrong places..
in the wrong people.
I’ve given up the key to my sanctuary
given up the password to my treasury
only to be tricked and robbed blind.
time and time again i allow myself to be used and abused
like a *****
but at least they get paid.

words can be so deceiving.
one minute they can be whispered so intimately in your ear
while you’re feeling the best pleasure
known to you
and the next millisecond
they can be thrown like daggers
and you’re the target.
and I don’t get it.

every time i think, it’ll be different.
every time i hope, it’ll be different.
but this time ?
i wanted you to be different
and I thought you were.
but now,
my mind is clouded
plagued by the poisonous thoughts in my head.
i was hoping you’d save me,
but you might be the reason i end up
dead.
couldn’t decide on the title so I combined both of my ideas together . this poem is very personal and speaks about something I have told little people. if you have read this poem , then you now know me better than almost every person I know. please do not judge me , this is me showing my soul.
 Sep 2018
muteD
you
and just like that
i became your diary.
you being the pen
and i being your paper.
like i was your shaker .
salt or pepper ,
it didn’t matter .
you needed flavor
and i needed ...
you.

in a blink of an eye
you turned to me
searching for something
anything
to hold on to
and like a lifeguard
i dived into your ocean of tears .
(or was it fears?)
i should’ve tested your waters first
because
i didn’t know how
to swim
in a place so deep.
you.
 Sep 2018
muteD
Sometimes I get sad.
Like sad sad.
To the point where it feels like a blanket of darkness is surrounding me.
Like a black hole of sadness
and happiness can’t get in.
And a life without happiness?
It’s suicide.
It’s almost like my own hands are strangling me.
Do you know how it feels to be suffocated?
To feel your soul slowly ooze out of your pores?
To have your life force ripped piece by piece from your heart?
Dear God or whoever you believe in,
I hope you never do.

Sometimes I get down.
Like down in the dumps.
To the point where it feels like happiness is a foreign concept.
Like the idea of physics.
Difficult and hard to understand
Especially when you’re your own teacher.
Teaching myself something you never knew to begin w.
So , HOW will I catch on?
I just can’t.
I can’t grasp the idea euphoria, happiness or physics.
No matter how hard I try.
And maybe that’s what I get.
Call it bad karma or bad luck ,
Whatever shoe fits just make someone else wears it
And not me.
Or maybe it’s because I was never taught how to be happy
and how to love myself.

Sometimes I get depressed.
Like depressed all of the time actually.
25/8.
There’s never a ‘happy’ moment.
Not for long.
Not ever .
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t depressed.
Maybe when I was a kid.
Back when life was a walk in the park
And all I had to worry about was..
Whatever kids worry about I guess.
I can’t remember what that would be.
All I know is that kids have this innocence,
This happiness,
This light.
But, I never had that.
Not even for a minute.
Like a 24 hour clock of depression
I’m always clocked in.
sometimes i just think.
 Sep 2018
muteD
Never say never when time is unknown.
And anything w ‘never’ , can be a lie on its own.

•••

“I’ll never leave you.”
What a delicious little lie.
“I’ll never stop loving you.”
Never ended quick .
“I’ll never switch up.”
How can you be seated on a throne of needles
Dipped in poisonous lies ?
(and not feeeeeel them?)
You changed up like I change clothes .
Doubt looks better when you wear it,
Not when you bite the backs of those who helped you say it.
(I’m talking words here .
Doubt in your words
Planted a seed of
Uneasiness which I cannot escape)
Cloaking yourself in deception won’t hide the treason you’ve committed .
Not when you’re found guiltily.
This is the Court of Loyalty
And you cannot get it .
 Sep 2018
Graff1980
What do we learn
when the knowledge
is turned
to scraps and ashes?

When the past is
less than prologue
cause everyone
was encouraged
to forget all
but the bright
moment,

pleasures pursued,
seconds wasted
being used
as a consumer,
as another tumor
so ingrown
that it can’t be removed.

Rush, play,
point, click,
sleep, eat,
work your life away,

and if you are unhappy
or to tired to do your job
if you feel
slightly unwell,
well we got a pill
to push all that
anxiety
away from humanity.

Until, the still pond
no longer reflects
the wonder and awe
of the artists
we once were.
 Sep 2018
Graff1980
A small pale faced figure stands, enshrouded in darkness, while a hauntingly sweet song softly echoes through the cave.

“There’ll be days
precious moments
see them sunning
by the bay
till, the sea
sees the star light,
blinking angels
dissipate.”

Somewhere in this sightless void a larger form slumbers. Moans of agony pass this man’s parched parted lips.  Tears moisten his painfully swollen face. The stench of sweat, *****, feces, and fetid breath fill the air around him. An alarm sounds as the last battery from the compact heater finally dies. Sloan shivers as the temperature within the cave begins to drop.
Mother mercy watches with a well-practiced stare of concern. She slides a thin, torn, and brown stained sheet over Sloan’s shuddering body. It does little to comfort the sick man. His ragged breaths slowly shift to slightly less raggedy breaths. Mother Mercy watches for a few more moments to make sure that he will not die, then settles down in a corner for the night.
Electric dreams of long ago float in the forefront of her mind. A bone thin boy of barely teenage years stumbles into a broken-down building that was once the Canadian Gazette. Stray rays of light from an overhead window brighten the small room, illuminating gun black filing cabinets, and dark wooden cubbies, colored with well-worn grey paint, which hold crumbled bits of old newspapers; One of the papers read, “Mass Methane Leak Poisons Ground Water and Air”.   Each step stirs up dust causing him to cough. Mother mercy can hear the congestion in his cough and see the fever in his scarlet flushed face. His eyes are a rabid red flitting left to right, searching for any sign of danger. A loud noise causes him to flinch. Mother Mercy moves forward, trying to speak to the boy, but like a doe sensing danger he prepares to dart.

She finds her voice. “Please. Do not leave. I can help you.” She pleads mechanically.

He moves forward, tentatively attempting to touch her. She can see a sharp scar that runs from under his right eye down to his thick dry cracked lips. He tries to speak, exposing his yellow and browning teeth and the many gaps therein.
Suddenly, daggers of light push past and through his young body. He does not cry out, but merely succumbs to disintegration. Then……
Then Mother Mercy awakens to a new morning. Waves of light bring the cavern to life.
Sunshine moves in and across the cave to expose uneven earth, and a dirt encrusted cave wall, which is oddly void of any insect life. Her hazel eyes quickly adjust to the oncoming onslaught of daylight. Once again, she checks the man to make sure he is alive. Sloan’s chest rises and falls in an unsteady rhythm, which is all she can really hope for.
She slides dark brown locks of long hair out of her eerily symmetrical face. She brushes the dust off her tattered tan coat, and her holey faded jeans. With a couple of rapid sweeping motions, she removes almost all the dirt, and pebbles from the breast of her inner shirt.
Off to the left of the cave, and still covered by shadows a small machine awaits her inspection. She examines each tube, cord, and gauge with a military proficiency. Then using the jury-rigged straps, she places the machine on her back. Heading out of the cave, Mother Mercy stops, picks up the batteries from the small heating device, and checks Sloan one more time. Finally, with her bare feet fully outside she sets off for the day’s labor.
The sky burns a bright orange interrupted by barely perceptible vapors of methane, and bluish grey cotton clouds. Despite the splendor of the morning there is nothing but silence; No dogs barking, or bees buzzing about their honey making business. There is no life to be found except for minor patches of multi-colored fauna that are randomly situated along her route. So, Mother Mercy breaks the silence with a song.

“There’ll be years
yarn unspinning
as we stumble
towards our graves,
but the seconds
in-between breaths
are what make
this life so great,”

A few miles along the way, she stops singing, and begins to check the tiny traps she has planted along her daily path. Each carefully constructed device is sadly empty. Three or four more hours after that the silence evaporates and she can hear a small stream of water running. She stops and stares down at her bare feet.

“There is something I forgot to put on my feet.” She queries to herself while continuing to walk.

A few moments pass as she puzzles out the minor mystery. Once she makes it to the edge of the stream, an awkward smile fills her tiny round face. Mother Mercy removes the machine from her back, letting it fall to the ground. It makes a loud thud and sinks several inches into the slightly softened earth.  In a movement so swift human eyes could barely perceive it, she jumps up, rising several feet in the air while crossing a considerable distance, and finally lands in the stream. Soft sizzles sound from her bare feet, as she slowly grinds them into the mud. Then Mother Mercy sloshes sloppily out of the water wearing a thick layer of dark brown mud on her feet.

“Of course, how could I forget. I need mud to cool my feet.”

She walks back to the machine, pulls it out of the ground with ease, and returns to the stream. Next, she submerges the device. Waiting till it is completely full of water, she pulls it out, and begins fiddling with knobs and switches. She waits as the water boils, completely evaporates, filters, cools, and finally condensates back into liquid. Deftly, she removes one of the filters and shakes out all the unknown particulates. Then she opens a tiny compartment, and places a small sensor device within in the water to check its quality. After a satisfactory reading she places the water filtration system back on her back and heads down a different path.
The mud on Mother Mercy’s feet dries; Dark brown shades lighten, crust up and chip off in little flakes. Irritated, she begins to slide her feet through the almost nonexistent foliage to scrape off the remainder of the drying mud. With each small patch of grass Mother Mercy moves her feet faster and faster. Her left foot flows back and forth with incredible speed and strength. There is a loud clink and a chipped piece of rock soars across the air.
In puzzlement, Mercy stares down at her foot and finds that it has split open. Red and black fluid streams from the seam of torn skin, which expands and exposes metallic bone. As she moves, the wire insulation from within her foot ruptures, revealing cheap copper conductor. The hot metal sparks, lighting up the methane in the air. A scorching white, orange, and bluish outlined fireball expands with enough force to launch Mother Mercy up and back off her feet.

She hits the ground hard, and curses,” ******* methane!”

White synthetic skin begins to melt, shifting and swirling into grotesque shapes, and darker shades of red. Mother Mercy rises, unsteadily. Wincing in pain, she unloads her heavy water filter burden. Again, she checks all the tubes, cords, and gauges. What was once a thing of ease now becomes quite burdensome. She places the filter system on her back again, and resumes her journey. The red and black liquid continues to leak. Each steps becomes slower than the last. Until, she reaches her destination. Mother Mercy collapses next to a series of solar panels. With what little strength she has left, she detaches one of the charged batteries. A look of distress crosses her already agonized face.

“I’m sorry.” She softly sobs to herself. “I need this one.”

Mercy pulls a flap of skin from the right side of her waist. An intricate maze of wires, metal, and fake flesh pulsates. Her hand plunges deep within the slimy cavity, twists, and removes a damaged battery. It is bent, and cracked leaking a thick acid liquid which viciously burns her hand. She tosses it aside then slips the unbroken battery inside the cavity, twists it, waits for the click, then removes her acid, and viscous liquid covered hand.
The synthetic skin slowly starts to unburn, shifting in reverse till it returns to its previously pristine quality. Her foot begins to pop and all the parts snap back into their original place as the split skin slowly stiches itself back together.
Mercy harvests the rest of the charged batteries and places the used ones in their charging slots. Finally, with the days labors done she heads back to the cave.
Once she is at the cave she washes a stray rag. Then cleans her hands. Cradling Sloan, she slowly serves him some water. Once he has had his fill. She gently rolls him on his side moves his shirt up searching for any sores, then proceeds to softly scrub them. She rolls him in the opposite direction and repeats the process. Then she checks his inner thighs, and **** cheeks. Sloan winces in pain but remains quiet. She gently lays him back, and rolls up his pant legs, washing the bare skin which is littered with more nasty sores. She finishes by washing his face, hands, and his feet.  Finally, she sends him to sleep with a sweet song

“and the children
that we leave
littles daughters
full grown sons
are like blooms
that lose their trees
as our roots
wither and flee.”


Mother Mercy is consumed by an unnatural fatigue. She resists slumber for a few minutes, but inevitably succumbs. Everything becomes nothingness, then changes to nothingness with dizzy brown spots. Yellow sparks split from the tip of her consciousness. The darkness dissolves and becomes the cave again. Small streams of water worm their way in from the cracks on the wall, which seems to breath unevenly. Suddenly she realizes the cave stinks like sewage. Fresh wind works its way in then blows out a stark stench of rot. Each exhale sounds like a human moaning in pain. The last flickers of light die a long-protracted death.
A wheezing breath stirs Mother Mercy from her dreams. She awakens quickly to see Sloan gasping violently.  She rushes to his side, and sees a thick yellow and greenish gooey fluid mixed with blood sliding down the side of his jaw. With her left arm she flips him over holds his upper body inches off the ground, wipes away the disgusting fluid, and checks the abscess with her free hand.

“Spit it out.” She pleads.

Sloan continues to gasp. Tears swell but refuse to fall.

“Pleebees, helpep, me.” He struggles, coughing violently.

Mother Mercy cradles him in her arms, singing,

“Till, the song
that I am singing
becomes the song
that they passed on
and the love
that I was bringing
are the wheels
that just roll on.”

Sloan, gasps and wheezes for several minutes more. Tears and sweat fill his face.

“Mob where’s my mob?” He cries between gasping breaths.

Two hours later slumber finally reclaims Sloan. An hour after that Mercy gently places his pained body back into its original position. After another half an hour she to surrenders to sleep. She sees nothing.

A stern voice commands,” **** the enemy.”

Mercy cries in response, “There are no more enemies.”

Mother Mercy awakens to a new morning. Once again, she checks the man to make sure he is alive. Sloan’s chest rises and falls. She wipes off a spot of pus and blood left over from last night’s abscess leakage.  The swelling has slightly receded, but his face is still feverishly warm to the touch. She switches out one drained battery from the heater for a fully charged one then grabs the water filter, and heads off to start the day’s labor, singing.

“So, goodnight
little planet
precious place
that I lived on.
I know you won’t
miss me one bit
but I was grateful
to call you home.”
 Sep 2018
Graff1980
It is a worrisome world
that keeps itself
in a state of peril.
A galaxy of
merry fools
who fail to remember
the lessons of
all those old
days of December.

I feel dislocated,
isolated,
less than hated
because to the masses
I am irrelevant.
Even when,
I speak the truth
in poetry,
trying to make
it more palatable,
I am unknowable.

A Rockstar of the mind,
but my people
will not find the time
to remember
what I offer,

and as we
disintegrate
from history
space and time
will not be bothered
to remember
this bothersome
human species.
 Aug 2018
Graff1980
Flint Michigan
still doesn’t have
clean water
to wash dishes in,
drink, or bath in.

But our president
can afford to
take expensive
vacations
almost every
weekend.

Puerto Rico is
still recovering
from a hurricane,

But we can
send foreign aid
to Israel
so, they oppress
Palestinians

Lots of people
on the street
going hungry,

But we can
afford tax cuts
for the extremely
wealthy.

Infrastructure
needs a lot of work,
veterans need
better healthcare
along with everyone
else that lives here,

But we can afford
billions in weapons
and spending on
more wars.
 Aug 2018
Johnny Noiπ
man of peace single-handed made Human Rights a thing;
as plainly, no one else gives a **** about Human Rights

RIP
 Aug 2018
egghead
We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.
Inspired by the Vanity Fair article of André Aciman's reaction to his book *Call Me By Your Name* being made into a movie. Specifically the quote, "I couldn't write silence."
 Aug 2018
Rayven Rae
i still smoke the same cigarettes --
camel menthol silvers

they make my hands smell like the inside of your mouth tasted.

i am still trying to breathe you in after all these years.
what the **** is wrong with me?
Next page