looking back, i had known all along



that underneath, the glittering world

    before my eyes



lay my   D E C E P T I O N



that everything

was to collapse

with a breath of wind



i turned away.  sidestepped, simply closed

       my eyes.



afraid i was, afraid to be loved for

              WHO I AM

We are all
improbable,
impossible people,
preceding
all the things
we needed
to exist,
our ingredients,
our history.

We are
a culmination
of struggles
beyond
our imagination,
wasting
the faith
we place in
religion
and politicians.

We are
crazy,
lazy,
stupid,
violent,
destructive,
devastated,
prostrate­d
to the things
that should be hated,
fools
that fly
so high
on the shoulder
of older giants.

We are
beautiful
creative,
a spark
that made it
this far.

We are
born to fall.

As the skies square in perfection
some egos are wiped by a storm
A scent of love forever meander
as my eyes follow your pastels
guided by truthful rights and heights
hand in hand, tag on tag, eyes arise

Let me hunger and thirst at our table
Caressing the gentle breeze of summer
Kissing the utter, priming the matters
Lead me martyr to the shiny grail
where promises are lifelong mists

Let free flow thunder scare the fears
Show me how to root aliveness
racing the twine,mending the torn
For an eternal stroll on valleys strong
where love speaks and rules in truce
as the hymns of adoration and trust   hum

As the moon square in perfection
some egos flow with torrential rain
As my eyes wander to lock on yours
gazing, racing, saying all there is
guided by truthful rights and heights
hand in hand, tag on tag, eyes arise

You're an almond joy
A smooth stone in soft flesh
A blank stone sparrow
In crooked wire mesh

You looked over your shoulder
And ignored their descriptive hairs
Dancing with compliance
Giving never selling wares

What unbroken ****** skin
Around your eyes, thy
Eyebrows never meeting, stretching
Happy faces to the sky

I hoped richer feelings
Might comply to your dream, yet
It was laid on shallow and
Cracked and poorly set

Still despite your fret dancing
Your shakes and swoons so full
Graceful, hopeful, ruby bright
Fell dirtied, scratched by gravity's pull

Despite your new company,
Jackal grins that never start
Hope, not one can rival
The sweetness of a young heart.

You know I tried
the old suicide ride,
but I never made it past
the last
loop,
and I am not making light
of this sorry life,
I’m just making it through,

But if I want to
joke about my pain
then that is what I will do

I’ll put a swiss cheese bandage
So I can see the goo flow through
share all these mad metaphors
that allow you
to obscure the truth
cause I don’t want to
make you feel bad to

I just want one person
that I love
love me enough
to say

“I am not okay.
But, how are you?”

It is not as poignant
as an abused animal,

Or powerful as
a crying child,

Not as memorable
as a warzone,

Not a battlefield
of brain damage
from repeated blows,

I am not a hero
and I am to old
to be a victim
because the expiration date
was a long time ago,

So when people
talk about their trauma
I do not expose
those old wounds

Because,
no one really listened
when I told them the truth,

So I take my shovel
and I bury old scars
dig as deep as I can
until I can see
the stars
on the otherside

Once again the bullets fly
Once again the chldren die
Once again the parents cry
Once again we wonder why

When will we all stand and say
The problem is the NRA
And all the congressmen they pay
To turn their heads the other way.

We need to all stand up and shout
All together we’ll have clout
We need to organize a rout
And vote the slimy ******* out
       ljm

I miss the small town girls,
whose names I have
mostly forgotten,
the games of tag,
the make believe scenarios,
the fun we had.

I miss the star lit chats
that the adults had,
while I ran
with flint rock sparks,
and chased fireflies.

I miss the old campground,
where we would swim
in a small sandy pond,
splashing.
When the older folks
dipped in
they got bitten,
but I never felt
any fish nibbling.

These memories
have been dimming
over time,
plus distance
as I swim in
a different
world,

but I was younger then
playing with other children,
innocent.

I miss those moments.

It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break