I'm tired
I'm tired of everything
I want to cry
I want to shout
I want to explode
I want to stop
I want to do something
but I'm tired

I want to curse people
I want to curse myself
everything, and everyone
who caused me
to feel like this
to feel lost and alone
so vague and so drowned
to feel so tired

I felt suicidal
thinking death could end it all
but I don't know
I've been overthinking so much
and my mind is tired
my heart is tired of pain
and it's palpitating with grief and hatred

I'm useless, so worthless,
nonsense
I felt nothing
no one

and despite all of these
all I want is someone
someone to support me
someone who will care
someone who will be there
because I'm tired
but no one dared to
no one attempted to
and no one did

that is why I'm tired

Do you remember me?
The hours past
I don't know why I can't sleep
What is wrong with me,
Who is he?

Do you remember the holiday?
When we could sleep
When the hours were blissful
Where life was a paradise
Maybe its because I insisted my way

Why do I smile?
When the hours do not pass?
When nothing will last
I can say I am afraid
Just let me sleep for awhile

I am confused about you
I don't even care
Or maybe I do
why can I breath?
Are we really through?

So many hours gone all alone
I don't remember who you are
What is wrong with me?
I can't even try
You ignore your phone

cake-235 calories

You can have a bite.  
Come on treat yourself.  
Indulge.  
For only the price of:
An hour of sit ups,
two hours of guilt,
A day of crying over the bathroom scale,
A week of fasting.  

French fries-250 calories

Come on take a bite.
Reward yourself.  
Indulge.  
You haven't eaten anything but your own fingernails in days.  

Chocolate milk-120 calories

Take a sip.
Indulge,
for only the cost of the rest of your life spent worshiping
the feeling of an empty stomach.  
The feeling of being cold in a warm room.
The feeling of your bones poking through your skin like white flags.  

Waffles-190 calories

Just one bite won't hurt.  
Indulge
And another and another
soon it's a binge.
Now purge.  
Purge your body of the evil of calories.
Purge your guilt into the toilet.  
Wipe your tears and brush your teeth.
It's worth it to treat yourself,right?

Why an emptiness within
with the summer wind
blowing away the dust

Why the mute tears
we weren't friends for years
but came together awhile

The earth doesn't pause to grieve
but in the heart of hearts
when a good friend leaves
the void for lifetime hurts.

Richard passed on yesterday April 23, 2017. I miss him already.

Bury me out on the open range
After you fill my pockets up
with all your worthless change
A marker with the day and year
but please leave off the name
When you bury me out on the open range

Shallow enough to hear the coyote howl
Deep enough where I'll stay warm
when the sun goes down
Far enough away
where I never will be found
But close enough
so my ghost can go to town

Bury me out on the open range
Then go about your business
when the memory of me fades
And if you ever think of me again
please give that piece away
When you bury me out on the open range