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 5h
hannah
before these clothes of mine get on the floor,  
just look at me  
for a little longer—  
just a little.  

and maybe  
you’ll notice the way  
my eyes light up
whenever i see my favorite kind of math problems  
or the way  
i would start stretching out my fingers,  
when they feel "a bit weird.”  

before it all unfolds,  
just look at me,  
observe me,  
and maybe  
just maybe  
you’ll notice  
every little thing about me  
before anything else.
this is inspired by this poem i heard while scrolling through my fyp. i forgot the person who wrote it, all i know is that it was such a simple, yet beautiful poem about lust and desire.
 3d
hannah
i just want to be held, not touched;
to feel safe your arms,
to feel safe your presence—
is that too much to ask for?
i don’t want my body
to be your favorite toy anymore.

i just want to be loved, not desired;
to wake up to soft smiles,
to have your eyes to reflect your adoration for me—
is that too much to ask for?
what if i told you
i didn’t want you to undress every part of me
at every single glance at me?

i just want to be cherished, not owned;
to hear your voice telling me about how proud you are of me,
to be able to run into your arms after i win a game of uno—
is that too much to ask for?
can’t i be something else
other than a mere object
to fulfill your own selfish desires?

i just want to be heard, not shushed;
to lay on your lap as i cry,
to sob into your chest until i fall asleep—
is that too much to ask for?
i’m already shattered enough
to pray every single night
that i won’t wake up the next morning.
why do you still
have to give me
those cold, harsh commands?

maybe one day (i don’t care if it takes forever or even more),
you’ll truly love me,
even if it only lasts for so long.
all i know is that
no matter what happens,
i will always
be waiting for you
to truly love me.
 Aug 1
hannah
all i long for is to be held, not touched;
to feel safe in someone’s arms, to feel safe in someone’s presence.
i just want something different than the restless, hungry hands that have left trails across my skin—
something other than my curves turning into one’s favorite playground.

all i long for is to be loved, not desired;
to wake up to breakfast in bed every morning, to see adoration in someone’s eyes when they look at me.
i just want something different than those lecherous gazes that have undressed every part of me—
something other than the sight of me being a trigger for someone’s hunger.

all i long for is to be cherished, not owned;
to hear the words “i’m so proud of you” come out of someone’s mouth, to have open arms to run into after i win a game.
i just want something different than those words that slip out of their lips saying “you’re my pretty little doll”—
something other than feeling like a child’s toy, tossed aside once outgrown.

all i long for is to be heard, not shushed;
to lay on someone’s lap as i cry about my inner demons, to sob into someone’s chest until sleep quietly takes over me.
i just want something different than those cruel voices that pierce through my biggest cries—
something other than those cold orders even as tears of blood slip through in silence.

no matter if it takes a million years or a little longer than eternity,
i will always look forward to going to the world—
to the world where i’m something more than a pet kept on its leash,
to the world where i’m something other than a trend that will die eventually,
to the world where i’m held in someone’s arms that wouldn’t dare to shatter me;
never touched like a possession, never shown off like a trophy.
this is a sort of sequel to my "bus stop" poem
 Jul 30
hannah
i’m still waiting at the bus stop,
waiting patiently for the bus that will take me to the world where you truly love me;
the world where you won’t make me undress to prove my love
because all i ever wanted was to be loved by you, is that too much to ask for?

i’m still waiting at the bus stop,
waiting patiently for the bus that will take me to the world where i’m more than just a doll to you,
more than just a pretty face you desire
because all i ever wanted was for you to love my soul too, not just my skin.

i’m still waiting at the bus stop,
waiting patiently for the bus that will take me to the world where you’ll stay with me forever,
another world where i won’t be thrown out into the cold as soon as i get tiresome
because all i ever wanted was for you to stay with me and never ever leave.

i’m still waiting at the bus stop,
waiting patiently for the bus that will take me to the world where i feel safe in your presence
and not like a pet that will always stay in the cage you gave me
because all i ever wanted was to stay in your arms and feel safe from every harm in this world.

i will always be waiting at the bus stop,
waiting patiently for the ride that will take me to the world where you truly love me
not for my body, not for my skin, but for my soul.
i don’t care if it may take a thousand years or a little longer than eternity;
i’ll always be waiting to feel what it’s like to be held by you, not touched.

— The End —