Surrounded by people
But at the same time,
Alone

"Kami na ni A"
Or in English
"Me and A are official now"
Exact words you told me

Those were the most
Hurtful, painful, distressful words
I have ever heard from you
And I don't know what to say

I don't know what to feel
I know I'm happy for you
Bc finally she answered you after a year.
The long wait is over for you.

But my tears
They fell, escaped, from my eyes.
I was not able to help myself
I am literally crying my eyes out right now

Maybe you are currently jumping in joy
But what you don't know is that
I am in pure agonizing pain right now
Like someone stabbed a knife in my heart

My father died
before he could tell me
that your lungs fill
and you drown in yourself
as your heart fails.

My sister died
silent with the knowledge
that you taste the waste
your kidneys can't expel
as they slowly shut down.

My brother died
within the shell washed up
by the rolling tide of blood
from the bursting of
cerebral arteries.

My mother died
desiccated, emaciated,
her bitterness consumed
in the uncontrolled growth
of her cancerous sweetbreads.

One never lives
until they learn for themselves
the lessons of the lives
the histories and the deaths
of their inheritances.

I love your mind,
   how you speak it
   with every word—
   blows me away

It's still those words;
   that will and can
   be the reason
   I bleed to death

"–and in the angst of being so lost in the depths of my head
I saw words bubbling through to the surface
keeping me afloat when feelings of safety had long ago drowned."

Number two
Pencils of the past
Had a life
Which was brief
Now thanks to digital times
They live much longer