it's all in the gnomes on your lawn
that draws me baby
not your curves
not those curls on your naked shoulder
or your poems
not the way you slide up to me
like some kind of fine woman
just those gnomes
I like your gnomes
baby

I live on the Hurdsfield Estate
To the north-east of town
Set on the edge of the countryside
And at the foot of the hills
It's idyllic in many ways
But with a character of it's own

For a start there's the H.A.T.
Which stands for
The Hurdsfield Assault Team
Which has existed for generations
With sons following fathers
They see themselves as protectors
Of the place where they live

There was one memorable instant
When two policemen entered the flats
To arrest someone several floors up
The H.A.T. boys gathered around
The unattended cop car
Whilst someone blocked the lift
They bounced and bounced that car
Until they turned it on it's roof

Now, I don't know if this is true
But it's said that Santa won't come here
Apparently, the last time he did
Before he got back up the first chimney
His sleigh was on bricks
And half the estate were eating venison
But as I said
That's just what I heard

                                   By Phil Roberts

Thurston started off easy enough
With the simple slurping of Sippy cups
But soon enough moved on the the bigger stuff
When Sippy cups didn't do the job

He constructed a straw three feet long
Though Thurston was thirsty he wasn't that tall
So he could reach the kitchen sink
As Mom did the dishes Thurston could drink

Soon the sink was not enough
So Thurston moved on to the bathroom tub
You would think that that would be too much
As Thurston rub a dub dub'd and drank it all up

From there he moved to the aquarium
As he watched the fish around him swim
As they watched their world go sinking in
To the glass reflection of Thurston's grin

With an inch of water left he left them alone
As he spied outside the retention pond
That's when Thurston's thirst came on strong
And he dropped everything he had going on

Once he had the pond drunk dry
Thirsty Thurston heard the waves nearby
Dare he even give the ocean a try
His answer was yes to the question of why

Though Thurston did give a pause
Along with a bit of a thought  
Before he left he went out and bought
The makings for a longer straw