Ok.
So it's Valentines day.
I'm alone,
but I'm in love again.
                                    The chemicals in my brain are firing pleasure sensors
                                     or whatever that science **** says.
                                      It bothers me that I live a lie no matter what truth I embrace
but whatever

I'm in love with his smile
his laugh
how he and I know exactly what each other is thinking
telepathy is our ESP.
If he knew was me
he would know it was him
still is him
by the way

I'm in love with his poetry
his voice
Every new thing I learn
Is a starburst in my heart

I know I look like a stalker
the way I follow him
but seeing him is my sanity

I have to believe
he will love me one day
if I want to live
another day

Step into my shadowed chambers
Feel my dusty walls
Wander through my tattered rooms
And down my darkened halls
Brush across my tight pulled drapes
And stroke them with your hand
Slide across my smooth wood floor
Begin to understand
Wrap yourself up in my blankets
Curl up in my bed
Don't overthink it, just relax
And rest your weary head
Listen for my loving whispers
Feel my weakened call
Build me up when my foundation
Seems it's soon to fall
Stay within me by my side
And don't leave me alone
For my walls are caving in
Open to unknown

-  no more let life divide what death can join together                                        


Say farewell Muse measured in seasons of love
O’ gone goddess gifting us unbelief…
Why does heaven have to be so far away?
And such shades of blue that leave no hope of peace?

****** well beyond these last days of mine
Forgotten by my muses and condemned to die
Definition to a spider’s eye
is chaos to a fly

Waking up is literally the worst part of my day.
You’re all through my dreams every night,
what should have been and could have been, what was.
I get to kiss your precious lips and be held by you and told ‘hey, it was all just a nasty dream I’m still here, I’m still with you and I love you’ But that is the nasty dream because you’re not still here
you’re not still with me
and you don’t love me
and that is still breaking my heart every single day.
I hate waking up.
Today I woke up to a message saying ‘baby come back, you can blame it all on me’ and I remember from June 2013 to November 2014 that was the one thing that you consistently done, was sing that stupid song in that high pitched annoying tone that I loved and it broke my heart even more.
I don’t really know why I’m so sad over you today but I am and I can’t cope today is a bad day. I’m sick of dreaming of all the things that made me happy, you. And waking up to ******* nothing. Please just come home. I love you so much.
(j.a)

I recall his voice sometimes when it's late and the world is quiet.
Longing for it to once more say my name.
I feel it vibrate through me.
It plays like a song,
focusing not on the words but the sound.

When I close my eyes I can see his face.
Handsome and strong,
a smile that lights his essence.
I could gaze at him forever not wanting time to continue,
knowing that he is a masterpiece.

I sometimes start to drift to things left unsaid,
silence and missing him always echoing the same.
Our souls are tangled in this unexplainable way,
curiosity and wonder always setting my skin on fire.

I could go to him...
but I've built walls that would crumble,
spent so much time stacking this house of cards.
We all share a moon I once was told.
Yet I never counted falling stars until he left, and took a piece of the sky with him.

I keep lullabies on my lips at night,
At those times when insomnia lays on the side of my bed,
Right where he should be.
My skin burns and my heart aches,
but I know now he's just a ghost.
He once was as real as touch,
only to become as strangled as my breath.

I'm running--

Running out of sadness that I absorb from songs.