but there's been so many
different ways to love since
then, and they've never been
as gentle as I dreamed

and ever since then, near everything
has been a threat, a reminder that
As myself is not enough, this girl
These hands, these surly smiles
The way I dance, my naked wiles
I've willed myself to adjust
To fit what locks I can unlock

I melted down and poured me out
Filled the holes around the house,
Into votives in the halls, Mount me
Up along the walls, lined the porch
Out in the night beside your boots
I've flickered bright---

But that is not enough.


That is not enough.

isn't it fun to
believe in things that aren't
real? fate. soulmates. you.

I don't think I belong here.

Mom, where'd you go?
Dad, don't leave.

Little sister, little sister.
Deep in my head I stay.

Roaming the hills of unwanted thoughts,
delving the forests of secret things.

Climbing the stories to reach for the sun
I almost grasp a star.

too late
falling
falling
the story not enough to bear me.

falling
     falling
          falling

I don't think I belong here.
I'd rather walk
under the leaves of Lothlorien
sleep under the light of Evenstar

I'd rather die
battling Smeagol
poor, pitiable old Smeagol

I'd rather speak
a language no human knows

deep in the Chamber of Secrets
I'd rather be a Farwalker
I'd rather spit at the Snake in
Eden

I'd rather fly
and meet Oromis and Glaedr

I'd rather wield a sword against
whatever nameless one

in what ever
half forgotten world

born of a dying thought

I'd rather be a character to scorn.

Where are you, Mom, Dad?
Little sister, little sister.

I don't think I belong here.