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jon Oct 2020
You're not obligated to tell me why..
You're not obligated to do anything by me.
But when you left me without a doubt
No reason, I didn't think I could live without.
You were my sun, my moon, and all my stars.
I'm not gonna lie that **** hurt and of course you know me I ******* cried.
I still reach out,
It's almost been a year since we last talked.
I don't know how to feel most of the time.
I wish I could talk to you.
You don't respond to me and I know its because you think I'm crazy.
Talked to your mom the other day she said you were in treatment and I hope you're okay, at least near.
I'm waiting on a bed, to get out of here, to get out of my head, and away from the clear.
Even though you probably don't think of me.. I still love you dearly.
Riah
  Mar 2019 jon
galaxy of myths
My fingers crawl to
the loneliest place when I
want and miss you most.

-m.b
jon Mar 2019
I don't think you get it.
Everyone else gets it.
You don't need to love life.
You need to learn from your lessons.
  Mar 2019 jon
Blake
Don’t tell me you Understand
Not until you’ve stared at a blank wall
With a blank face
For hours
And cried
Not until you’ve felt
Every little piece inside you break
And instead of feeling pain
Or sadness
You’re numb
Not until you’ve slit your wrists
Not trying to die
But not minding
If you do
Not until you’ve watched blood
Drip down your arm
And thought
It’s a nice colour
Not until you’ve done stupid stunts
And dangerous acts
Just to feel
Alive
Not until you’ve seen inside my head
The thoughts that live there
And tried
To die
Not until you’ve seen and felt
What I have
In this life
Will you ever understand

Don’t tell me you Understand.
Because you don’t.
I don’t
jon Feb 2019
?
I never feel the right emotions when people want me to.
Stressful.
It's like being deaf and trying to understand someone screaming at you.
I can't read lips.
Useless.
an excerpt of how I'm feeling recently..
jon Jan 2019
My thoughts
They are messed up
or
Am I messed up?
Say anything please, anything at all.
I just want to hear a familiar voice
I also want to know what's out there
Will you please talk to me?
Will you just give me one moment?
And then I promise, you can go
Until then your voice... will suffice
I don’t understand human needs
I never have
I didn't choose this
It’s as if they’ve chosen me all along
You chose me
You would never say though, would you?
You keep your thoughts inside that mind
How do you have the mental capacity?
Messy thoughts
It won’t let those thoughts out.
You’re guarded, why are you guarded?
Who made you suffer?
Made you the way you are...
Because even though it aches, it made you
so beautiful
Flawless, without effort
If you knew me before everything.
If we were together in another life.
My lips sewn shut, my hands bound
And my thoughts are disoriented.
A current excerpt of how I'm feeling right now.
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