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 Jul 2015 Claire
rained-on parade
Today I wrote a song about your teeth.
They are crooked and imperfect.
Just like this. Our hands. And these
songbirds are all liars. We haven’t learned.
Flesh memory is overrated. Last night
I felt the linen, and it whispered to me
nothing. Not even the shape of you
reminds me of happiness. What is the use
of these metaphors if they can’t
beautify you anymore. No longer as fierce
as the inferno I allowed you to become.
Drowning in bedclothes, trying to understand how streams of consciousness
are becoming bodies of water. Today
I wrote a song about your teeth. And I
read it aloud to the voiceless, and now
they know what love tastes like.
Does hating your own art make you a better artist, or just stranger to your own hands?
It wasn't my first time drinking
But it was the first time the earth moved beneath my feet
The first time my head spun like a top and the ground made it harder To keep straight
Kings cup and mike's harder lemonade helped me achieve this Unwanted goal
Along with the memory of you

My feet slamming with every step and I try to think of you
I don't know why I do this to myself
Other than wanting to feel sorry for my being on a daily basis

But for the first time when your memory hit my head
It's like my mind put up a brick wall
Not letting you climb over it
No matter how hard you tried to jump over
No matter how hard I tried to pull you up
The wall got higher
And higher
Until I couldn't see you

And that's when I fell back
Through the fluffy clouds in my head
Into the bliss of my brain
And started thinking about those chicken nuggets in the freezer
As I mix some of that mango moscato with cheap illuminium cans

The sun's lining hits the grass

I lay on the couch
Remember how I couldn't even try to remember the pain
And liking it

It makes me start to wonder
If this unwanted goal is my savior from you
Or the devil for me
I'm just letting everyone know that this was like the third time I had ever drank and I don't plan on making this a thing ever. I've seen how alcohol has affected family members and I'd rather not put myself through that.
that mango moscato was like candy though.
 May 2015 Claire
rained-on parade
Find coastlines along the edges of your body,
mark your territory
and invite gallant young men to try their hand
at crossing a huge wall made of crystal glass
and steel verses.

Let them be afraid of the tombstones gathered
at the gates; tremble at their own risk
because your heart can't handle an unsteady hand:
it's filled to the brim.
And as the tourney dies down,
as the men scratch the surface
and leave with pieces of your arms,
your eyelashes, your cheeks,
there will be one
who is there when the dust settles.

Allow him to love you,
in a most consuming way; let him
take your body a shrine and let him
call it his only home.

Finally,
break his heart,
and watch as the poetry
spills out of you like
an angry river, from a spear
he wishes he'd hit into your chest
not cupid's arrow instead.
Mumbling.
 May 2015 Claire
halioth
stop
 May 2015 Claire
halioth
Stop invading my dreams,
It is the only place I feel sane

You could take my heart,  
But for keeps, leave remains

I knew you had priorities,
Only thought I was your main

I'll cut my emotion pipes,
Let it all drain

Till my high is sober,
Till I start to use my brain

Stop invading my dreams,
The only place I feel sane
 Mar 2015 Claire
rained-on parade
We will forget the times I breathed your name into the sky
and made it rain.

The thought of you will become a ***** verse in the anthology of
apologies I figured in my sleep.

I will forget the touch of your skin
in the way you forgot how to love.
16/11/14
 Feb 2015 Claire
rained-on parade
Love someone who you cannot even
look in the eye:
it's not the demons in their self
but the way they make your heart
skip two beats instead of one
and maybe the realization that
they need not more than one look to know
you have already decorated a heart shaped room
in your ribs for them to find their home.

That's all they'll need to know
how once they let you in
you'll overstay
and lose your mind every time
their footsteps echo in the silent soundbox
of your conscious.

We don't talk of storms when they aren't already there;
if they can't fix you up,
they'll teach you how to ache instead,
and perhaps I'll learn to forget how to
give myself away in my smiles
and scribbles.

and scribbles.
Someone I know.
 Feb 2015 Claire
Alyssa
Mommy always said
I had expensive taste
I guess that's why
your champagne skin
left me drunk
with the empty bottle dangling from my limp fingers.
I must ask,
do you think of me still?
Cover your lips with
honey
before you answer;
sugarcoat it as best you can.
43
tiring days later
and I have yet to master
being able to say your name
under a relaxed jaw.
I wonder if this will get
any easier
to accept; until then,
cheers
to those intoxicating bubbles
soaking up
in your bones' winter quilt.
I'll leave you a glass on the table.



Copyright ©  2015 Alyssa Packard
All Rights Reserved
Basically poured my emotions onto the paper the night I wrote this. Any comments and/or advice is of course welcome, I love hearing from you guys .**
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