two letter word and the goodness it held;
crossover the forbidden pleasure of sense
no sudden burst of supernova
shall ruin my assayed constellations
if million years do exist, why seconds don't?
but if I have to wait a light-year for my universe,
I will spell out a more magical three letter word
when the time has come and everything's in place
where would I be? in my universe?
I wish I'm with my universe, but first...
let me be drowned in my own bittersweet dreams
I'm not yet done in killing myself so I could finally live
if matter has space and has mass and so do I,
then why I keep asking "do I matter?"
the absolute value is not my care, to whom is
because for those who really care is the essence of worth
many claimed pledges were already burned
by the raging wrath of my trust-doubting sun
in a world full of lies, where should I start
to breathe the purity of painful truths?
so by then...
four letter word will rest in my soul again

that man...
he's a goner trapped in a physical flesh
he trusts no one
well, I guess
and hatred is feasting his soul
he's a stranger everyday and no one
knows him
that man...
he's good at deprecating himself
in his mind, you'll find an eccentric kind
of chaos
in his heart, it is over a negative hundred fahrenheit
-- stonecold.
but that is my man
he is a beautiful chaos
I see him as precious as a water to this earth
I want to hold him moreover a forever
until he bleeds no more
until he could smile a genuine one
until his heart becomes warm in my embrace

but my man clothed himself
in thick sheets of anxiety

yet, I will reach brokenness to cover him
with my love, I'll do it until it fix him

yes, I really love that man.

i don't know why
the rain is most hated
does it really denotes sadness?
what if the rain was there
because she loves the sun
and so whenever the sun isn't
there, she'll take over
what if the sun has runaway
to chase his lover
and whenever he's gone
rain will arrive to take over;
to save the day
yet i don't think she saved herself though
i saw her crying whenever
does she denotes sadness?
-- i think it's pure love

his name
isn't funny
or what but
whenever I hear it,






I smile :)

a poem written
on 15th of May
on the amidst of lonely 2018
with a shimmer of hope
for a beginning of lifetime
I remembered how it started
but now I don't want to remember
how things were changed
told you!
I'm freakin' right haha!
good for me, I believed
"... but not fully"

thank you, it hurts
when you came in just to leave.

feeling the breeze of a cold rainy morning,
my coffee warms my palms
perfect to wish this day a merry one

I missed to be happy.


I'm not interested on the presents
wrapped in happy gift wrappers,
delicacies on the table,
nor wearing a new fancy dress
in a town clothed with bright lights
and joyful carols


let's smile today can we?


would you smile back if I greet you...


"Merry Christmas!"
Prince of Peace shall reign
so as in our hearts.

--

I missed to be happy.
I know that you too.
We missed to be happy.


Today, we will.


:)