The scars will be lost within the creases and wrinkles,
this sea will have been traveled and never unraveled.
love left its stain,
time wanes and ebbs the fervor of the summers.
Legs now twigs as fragile as the first,
limbs and bones become limp
soon won't be able to even lift my hand
to write to you a reminder of the marvelous passages
I've traveled.
Sentences running on in place of me whom lies in bed asleep.
Soon, in the dawn of a day my words will lose their sense
and I'll ramble about incomprehensible things.
You'll get tired of me.
I'll fade away to me, forget my face and name;
forget the pen and paper.
Too lost without a reason to be afraid.

There is too much I want to say now that I can-
but the words stumble upon each other.
all I can do is but put on a smile as I stare in to the mirror.
There is not a note of sound but for
the silent gesture of its affliction.

Do you know what its like to watch a man die?
to watch the blood spill from his head
like when you turn the faucet on to wash your hands
before you go to eat dinner
Do you know what its like to helplessly watch a man die?
as he is gasping for breath
while you breathe in fresh air
unable to share
Do you know what its like to wait for the police to arrive?
how deafening, terrifying that wait is
its like when someone tells you news that's so devastating you don't even think to cry you're just stuck in a transfix

They say you feel sympathy for others when you do not understand
but this was so much more than sympathy
more than the fact that I was beyond devastated
I feel as if I should have been that man
and I felt guilty that all I could do was scream and sit there with him
while I felt his soul leave his body

Do you know what its like to watch a man die?
because I do.

An artist by nature.
A beauty by heart.
A prisoner by mind…I’m falling apart.

What more can I do?
What more can I say?
I’m losing myself in a world gone astray.

No, wait.
That’s not right, the world’s not to blame.
It’s me who’s the problem.  
My soul’s ran away.

“Where are you?”
“Come back!”
“Don’t leave me like this!”
I say,
with tears in my eyes and a tightly clenched fist.

Spiraling spiraling spiraling down
….am I so far gone I can never be found?...

I want to escape, to break free from the chains
That have been holding me hostage since the day my dad walked away.
But with each passing year they get heavier and heavier.
I just want to be free of this hell-binding barrier!!!

Overwhelmed.
Insecure.
Worthless.
Tired.

I see the imperfections.
The weakness that has grown.  
I’m broken.  I’m breaking.  
…lost…
Waiting to be found.

What happened to the warrior I was once said to be?
There’s a cut on my foot, put there intentionally.

The scar,
The pain.
It was self inflicted.
Why am I constantly feeling so **** restricted?

That night I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t move for half an hour.
But I dragged myself up and reached into the shower.

The razor sliced hard.
The darkness had robbed me of all of my power.

I was defenseless against myself.
Weeping and cold.
Shaking with guilt of an act gone untold.

I lied,
Am still lying, about its very existence.  
Saying a pan fell and broke.
One of them old cooking dishes.

But I know why it’s there.
What happened that night.
I broke down.
I am scared.
Wound up in fright.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Let me out!
Leave me be!
Darkness, you’ve won!
Now please,
RELEASE ME!

I’m lost, can’t you see?
I just want to be found.
The girl I once was?
She’s no longer around.

But I’m here.  
Way deep down.
Under all the dark mess.
Don’t stop looking for the girl.
The damsel in distress.