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Christine Nov 2013
Choices

Never been one for them

See, me, I like freedom

Because today a I’m writer confused and undecided

My decisions lay the with wind

So now do you see why a mind like mine just...can’t decide?

Tomorrow I’ll be a dancer

My limbs and soul connected as one

Fluent in a body language

Or maybe I’ll be an explorer

Find a new species

Or a love sick- heart aching novelist

Hoping to find an everlasting love

Or an over eager hormonal teenager

Wanting to find the time of their life

I don’t want to be limited

Cause when I look into the eyes of the old

I see nothing but hard work and regret

I don’t want that

I’ve got so much I want to give

And find

And if growing up means I lose that

Then I’ll stay this age

Never losing my faith in reaching my dreams

Or becoming limitless physically and mentally

I will be extraordinary

Like no other

Or maybe tomorrow I’ll be…me

The one and only

Who eats way too much

Loves more than they ever knew how

Chooses to walk away when no one else would

And gets ******* at the tiniest things

Gets grumpy just because I had to wake up

And hoping that world will become a better place
Christine Nov 2013
“I’ll never be the girl I once was. I’ll never laugh the same, hope the same, or love the same.”
“Good” I say. “That girl was weak and pathetic. Look how far she got you.”
Brutally honest
My heart aches saying it
But my mind reminds me
She’s not the same person she once was
Her shoulders deflate with the weight of shame
Eyelids heavy with contact
I try to explain, to reason
“You swam in a river of regrets,
Did you expect not to get wet?
That there would be no consequences?”
“I expected to get wet but never to drown.”
“But you jumped in without any lessons.”
“I know. I just didn’t expect the water to be so murky. It looked so beautiful reflecting the pale blue sky.
It all seemed
Limitless."
“You disturbed the surface causing a ripple effect. I tried to warn you that many drink from those waters.”
“I was a faithful consumer. There religiously every day.”*
“But the owner never changed the land to private though, he left it open to the public.”
It was all a riddle
The perfect chemistry of words
Describing the relationship
Of a boy and a girl
A boy who just didn’t want more
Who didn’t want the commitment of a girl
A girl who gave everything
With the promise of nothing
A girl I used to call best friend
But that same girl that used to finish my sentences
Is now among the hundreds if faces I pass in the halls
Out of it I’ve learned more
About myself and this selfish world
Love is not patient
And it is not kind
It will leave you devastated
In its absence
And powerless in its presence  
On your knees you’ll wonder where you went wrong
And honestly, you went wrong for ever falling for it
For ever believing it would make you love yourself
Cause without self-respect, self-appreciation and loyalty
Love will demolish you
Turn the ones you love most into strangers
and I can only hope I can be save from falling
To it depths

will you save me?
confusing and a bunch of thought thrown together not my best but ehh..
Christine Nov 2013
There’s a season in your eyes

A desire I couldn’t recognize

You’re a touch of temptation

A boy with a bad reputation

You feel like letting go

Baby you promised forever

So if breathing means dying

Let’s hold our breath

We’ll be stiller than winter weather

You told me you were broken

But I knew it was beautifully

A jagged past

I don’t care if it cuts me deeply

Your scares make you a perfect match

For my two arms

So crash into me

Bind the stiches together

We’ll heal and prosper together

Cause they don’t understand that

It’s easy to be a saint when you have nothing on the line

So will do whatever we have to, to survive
Christine Nov 2013
Never in the same place twice
Following the bold white line
Always hitching another ride
A touch as wicked as sin
And a smile that’s just as innocent
Decided to stay for the summer
Playing his guitar
On broadways coroner
A strum of strings
He had every girl’s heart
He’s gone now
Those summer nights didn’t last long
But his words still haunt me
“Do you ever
Just
Sit and wonder?
Sit and think about not
Thinking?
Pray that the numbness
Will take your heart captive
So that maybe
Just maybe
Not being enough won’t hurt
As much.
In a world this big
Were all so
Significantly small
I look around
At all these people
And think
Whose lives are really going to matter?
Who’s going to be remembered?
Then I think
Will I be?”
I didn’t look up at him
I kept my eyes low
I wanted to
Tell him
I wanted to
Kiss him
My secret love
Just a boy who’s
Charismatic
Clueless
Beautiful
Far from home
And close to my heart
But I know how much
Rejection can hurt
It’s like he knew I was
Just as broken as he was
Like I had as many broken pieces as him
Enough to fill the dry days with
Enough to share everything with
But not enough to fall in love with
Christine Jun 2013
Just give me a moment
There’s so much to say and so little time
Descending like smoke
These words fall from my lips
Exhaling the poison that’s kept me bitter
And inspired by only those close enough
To see that I haven’t been myself
Maybe then you’ll understand
You could have been my deepest regret
Left with empty questions
Demanding echoes
What If’s…could have been’s…
Haunting answers I know not to ask
So,
On this sharp tongue they’ll stay
Tingling with curiosity
Forever bound
To look into eyes,
That only hold the promise of friendship
Dark beautiful eyes
Cascading shadows, you’ll look her way
Bask her in admiration
While I fall in love with the thought of love
In love with the undeniable desire
I’ll blame myself,
For this hurt
Then lose myself,
In the chaos
To an old friend
Bitter liquid, it’s been to long
Since I’ve felt your comfort
Remembered your burning path
To memory lane
Through the journey
Of bringing this glass to my lips
I realize only the strongest woman survive
My mother did always call me a *****
Christine Apr 2013
I know what these hands are capable of

Seen it-

Felt it-

I know the depths of their strength

I’ve always looked at them as something fragile

Always giving- never taking

Gentle and

Always there to give a hand

But the anger inside

Can transform them

Create them into something distant

Something I promised to leave behind

Yet adrenaline is its own drug

Spreading, leaving a burning path in my veins

Eyesight sharper

Breathing harder

A bubble from the past

   I just wish you weren’t the one who’s going to pop it

   Because

  This anger isn’t your entirely your fault                              

Yet you’re going to be the one who feels it all

As it finds an escape

A release

From hatred, pain, and loyalty

….I can’t do it

What I’ve done so many times before

I promised to never go back to that dark place

Never give in, prove them wrong

That you can forgive

Your heart isn’t gone

But….

It’s getting harder to walk away

A war between my body and mind

I know what kind of person I am

Never would I have thought I’d stoop so low

Lose my dignity

All because I can’t stop your words

From slithering their way into my ears

Crawling in and under my skin

You want it

You live for it

Drama

It seeps out of you

Rolls through your eyes

With strong anticipation

I swear the walls cave when you walk down the halls

Leaving proof your words are destructive

Your presence unsettling

Ill grint my teeth for now

Bite my check to stop my quick tongue

Cause these hands are what I make of them

These hands won’t be the cause of hurting

These hands are mine

And I chose

To walk away
Christine Apr 2013
Possession strangles

The breath from my throat

What was once mine

Crossed the threshold

Reminding me that

Even I can fall to the

Vigor of love

Human to touch

Weak at heart

I thought I was invincible

Felt it in my blood

But then…you tore me apart

Like pictures ripped

You left me

To land

Scattered across the floor

Becoming another memory

Distant and cold

But I paid my dues

To make ends meet

loved you

even though it clear to me

this was never, ever gunna be...
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