I smiled at the EMTs like a paralyzed child. A little girl asked if I was 'the lady who fell'. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled at her. I do a lot of smiling to get through my day. I just felt this hatred for what is happening right now. I know, they know, it's only a matter of time. A ball of yarn, unravels, and when you unravel it, it becomes nothing but a very long string. This string is the timeline to a life that I was looking for, thought I always wanted, where i marked the string, events occurred. You have to remember which color the event felt like, and be able to keep track of the black markers of years and birthdays and birthdays and birthdays. Understand your life on a one dimensional scale. It's humbling. But the problem is I lost the view of the shore from the ocean, and I began to unravel blank white string, adding gaps to my timeline, they get longer and longer. Save your string, do not unravel, you'll see the end when it comes. Just go, do something, stop caring, create new marks, imprints.

I
wanna
love a reader-
Probably
because I'm a writer?
Or
maybe
because
the silence
that a person spends
with themselves
to sit down
and learn something new
is super **** to me.

There ain't nothing
like an old fashion piece
of literature-
something that can
paint
your imagination
a thousand
different colors
by the power of a few words.

What's more
beautiful
than a writer
loving
a
reader?

A
reader
loving
a
writer...
while leaving
the inspiration
for new thoughts.

Before I found love,
I didn't know any better.

Before I found love,
I didn't understand what love was.
What love is.

Before I found love,
I fell.
I fell into a bottomless, empty, dark
Chasm.
A ditch I myself had dug up
With a *****, bent spoon.

Before I found love,
I would lie in bed.
But I was never alone.
I didn't want to.
I had to.

No, I wanted to.
I needed to.
There was something
Addicting
About the strong arms of another.

I couldn't stop myself
From constantly wanting.
From always needing.
From giving up everything.

Before I found love,
I thought I had love.
But all I had were eyes filled with dust,
A ***** spirit,
And a heart full of lust.
I thought I was in love.
But I was in lust.

Always wanting, never giving
Always receiving, never blessing
Impatient,
Cruel,
Jealous,
Proud,
Selfish love.

And not to mention, my hands were sore,
Bruised,
Broken,
And ugly
From the never-ending routine of
Digging myself deeper and
Deeper and deeper
And deeper into my chasm.

I was judged,
Misunderstood,
And tortured.

It came to a point where
People started throwing stones
And words.
They threw them as hard as they could.
They threw them at me as if their lives
Depended on hitting that target.
And let me tell you,
Their aim was fantastic.

Before I found love,
Love found me.
Found me lying on the ground.
Found me in ripped clothes,
Found me with a battered flesh,
And a bleeding heart.
Love looked deep into my eyes.
No, Love's look went past my eyes.
Love peered into my very soul,
My inmost being,
My heart of hearts.

Love could tell by my
Bloodshot eyes
And broken body,
That I had been anything but
Beautiful
Lately.

Love pierced my heart
And saw every shortcoming
Every failing
Every flaw and imperfection
I had.

Love saw my past,
And it didn't seem to matter.

Love looked at me,
Really looked at me,
and said to me
That I wasn't guilty.
And Love pulled me
Out of my chasm.

Love walked away.
And amazed me.
Love loved me before I loved Love,
And Love loved me while
I was still in that chasm.

Love pulled me out,
And sealed it so that I
Would never fall into that chasm again.

I followed Love,
One night,
And poured a sweet smelling
Perfume--- the best kind
On Love's feet.
And kissed them.

Hair undone.
Face tear-stained.
Love wiped everything away.
My past.
My wrongs.
My old life.

I looked deep into Love's eyes,
and heard Love say,
“She has done
A beautiful thing
To me.”

A beautiful thing.

A beautiful thing.

I did it for Love.

When I see you,
It’s hard.

Hard to not remember
Everything.

I have seen and touched
Every inch of you,
Every millimeter.
I have enveloped you in these arms
When no one else knew
Just how much you needed it.
You have explored me,
Deep inside you know me.

Or knew me
Because no longer are you
My second half,
Nor I yours.
I know it will all be
Well and good
In time.
Angry words will pass in the wind,
Sad eyes will dry.
You will find love
And so will I.

And even though
I made this choice.
I needed this
And
I wanted this...

When I see you,
It’s hard.