"Why are you looking at me like that?"
He asks
It's because I want to hug him and tell him he's so so lovable
And that he is a boy
But I can't

"I'm happy you're writing again, but I'm sad for you"
I say
I want to cry for him
Take all the hurt
And I know that's crazy
Either way I can't
And I won't

The bad side of caring so much I suppose

They say I slept like  
I was in a shallow grave,
Still warm, but rigid.
eyes glazed over..

I tried to wake myself up,
But as I looked down,
Chills evaporated through me.

I slept like death, my pillow
A grave stone of dreams.
Tucked in beneath the
Shallow entombment
of slumber.

Yet, upon my resurrection,
I feel like I’d never even
Sewn my eyes shut.
As sunlight seers my retina.

I walk into the light, dead on my feet..

I will stay
a longer while
if you continue
to smile

"what do you wanna do, Liana?"
My mom asks me

"Death"
I respond


"Do you want to eat something?"

"No, I just want to die"


"What are you thinking about?"

"My death"

She laughs
Smiles
She doesn't understand
She doesn't want to understand I'm not joking
When I'm telling her

"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
She asks

"I don't want a tomorrow. I want to die"
I answer

She giggles
"That's not an option" she chuckles
She doesn't know

The night is friendly
    if you've lived the day kindly

And after years of abuse
I'm still the one ending up feeling guilty
And wondering if he was right
And this was all just in my head

Poetry
so frequently
is like prayer
to me