Whenever something terrible would happen in my life
I would scream to the heavens
Asking why God, why me
And he would never answer
That's when I lost my faith in God

Before I would believe that it was my destiny
My way my path was driven on pain
Then I realized that I was not chosen
That God was wrong, even God made mistakes
And even God lost faith in my too.
That's when I lost my faith in myself.

"You are so unappreciative of what you have"
She screams at me as I lay in a bunk bed
My mattress is from 1982
With my feet dangling over the side
And my soleless shoes lay dead on the floor
My blanket filled with holes
My closet with my clothes from last year all over the floor
All hand-me-downs
My Christmas list half filled
The two presents I really did need
Never came
And not once did I beg for anything more

Little does she know that the school kids
Have a king temperpedic matress
Their five pairs of shoes wore once underneath
Their wool blankets to keep warm
Bran new year brand new clothes
Hand-me-downs I think no
Their Christmas list complete and more
With presents they did not use or care for
And all I can hear from them is more more more

Like a piece of wood floating
I feel I am drifting
Drifting on a sea of expectation
And like the wood I have easy ignition
Now I am burning of disappointment
In a deep sea full of judgment
Down and down I go deeper
And the fire burns darker
Until the sea is dried
And the wood has died

The sun hides away
And she comes out to play

She spins me on a wheel
Always going to fast, to slow

She grips my very skin and shakes it
Until it is lost

And now I am everywhere
All at once I fall

falling falling

Every bit of me is out and she takes me
Rekindling me with stitches that
Give away on the moment she wants
She controls me and worse of all

I am her and she is me

Feel my light, feel my pain
Feel my darkness feel without vain
I am a creature that lures in my dark,
Around my head like tree with new bark

Feel my light, feel my pain
Feel my darkness feel without vain
Every night a new nightmare
Nothing good can compare

People are partying away
As the clock moves closer to my day
My dying day that draws near
Nearer and nearer on every new year
Until one year the clock falls asleep
And the clock takes my soul to keep

I gave her my teddy bear.
A bear that had loyally guarded my side for 3916 nights
Fighting off the face of darkness with honor and courage
He was a friend to me when no one else heard me cry
He heard me weep and always was there my little teddy bear
As mom boarded up her car and began to live a new life
Without me
I gave her my teddy bear
Now nobody can save me from the dark for only could
My little teddy bear

-GoCe