It's 4 o'clock in the morning and you breathe "i want you's" into my face that smell like my favorite *****.

I'm not lookin' for a forever, but stay another night.
You are simply a delight to lose myself with.

The people I always fall in love with I have the least fun with.
At least, I can be myself with you and myself isn't much a fan of sobriety.

Carsun, you don't have to worry about girls like myself because we aren't lookin' for serious.

It's hard for me to be serious, it's a drag.
Can I have a drag?

I like the cigarettes you smoke, or maybe you're just a **** smoker.
I guess commercials of good-lookin' people using products do sucker you.

Let's lay here until things start feeling serious and then we can pour another round.
Here's to the nights I won't remember but I know were great.

I hope I won't look back and think how the fun we had together was something special.

Your heart is made of silicone
I know, because it bends and changes form
I shake and I tremble
Because I don't know if you'll love me tomorrow

Your head is made of marble
I know, because it's hard and chiseled a newly mood
I shake and I tremble
Because I don't know if you'll remember me tomorrow

Your eyes are made of rollers
I know, because you never look at me for too long
I shake and I tremble
Because I don't know if you'll find me beautiful tomorrow

Your feet are made of amphetamines
I know, because you always walk away and around
I shake and I tremble
Because I don't know if you'll be here when I wake up tomorrow

I don't want you to lie to me like you lie to yourself.
Confess to me instead of filtering your personality to me.
You don't have to worry about me getting offended or judgmental.
I want you to be raw, I love you for who you are.
I just want to really know you because you are a masterpiece.
Yes, I've had my share of experiences I never wanted to admit.
I, too, swept them under the rug at one point in my life.
But, just like anything suppressed, it resurfaces.
Sometimes it happens quick and nastily, other times it is slow and becomes a part of the way you act.
I want you to know it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter what you did in the past and it shouldn't to anyone but it helps to remember it so you can figure out who you are today.
Sometimes, you want to remember it so you can change something you may not like about yourself.
I can see the pain in your eyes, just let me be your home. Your diary.
Trust me and you will be surprised that you actually can.
Everyone experiences "bad decisions" and we can go somewhere far away together.
No one else has to matter.
It's up to you, baby doll.

"One time, me and Steph went to South America and stayed in this motel.  We didn't have much money back then so we tried our best to just have fun anyway.  We stayed at cheap motels across the world, we never stayed there much though so it's not like it really mattered. But, we were in South America this one time and we were on the balcony smoking cigarettes, having coffee at 2 A.M. and reminiscing about our pasts.  She had such a heavy heart. She would tell me with a cheeky little grin "Yeah, I did a lot of bad things I'm not proud of, Tony.  I'm pretty glad I did all those bad things, ya know? Those bad things led me to you.  Those bad things **** well hurt, but they led me to you. Those bad things were worth it, Tony." And at 2 A.M., things always got a lil deep for her because she believed any time past 12 was a time to really think.  So, sometimes she would have a good cry and I'd hold her. I think that memory of us on the balcony in a strange new country having coffee, cigarettes, and chats really stuck in my head because it was a time in our adventure where you could tell things had their pause.  It was a memory that lasted longer than the few hours it actually did.  I still remember the taste of that cigarette and that cup of coffee. I remember the texture of the blanket she had wrapped around her slim, shivering body. I remember how meaningful her innocent tears were.  Yeah, the view was pretty, but I wasn't really concerned about what was beyond that balcony because I was too busy savoring her presence."

"I've been scraped back up so many times that I am finally in the raw.  It's a little funny-sad how it took all these past mishappenings with other people for you to be blessed with the best version of myself.  I guess finishing last is a good thing, huh? Now, I have experienced a lot of events in this short lifetime of mine and I have figured out something about this world. It's a little tough and it won't ever wait for me- or you- or anyone. But,  I have found a secret to surviving this big world. Be impulsive. Let's leave, let's do what we want, let's not care about every day ideas. Let's be selfish, together. I love you more than the air. Let's live until we can't." - Stephanie Darcey

"Stephanie Darcey, what a hell of a girl. She was something different, like the girls you dreamed of bein' with who were from movies and such.  There was so much to her, she never ran out of words to speak. I don't know how many times I had to stop her mid sentence, because if I hadn't I would of been sitting in my own silence all night. But, boy, I sure loved that 'bout her.  She looked like she was born yesterday, and I mean in a good way. Not the kind of way you'd usually think.  I mean, she looked like she saw the world for the first time every *single day. A twinkle in her eye, yep.  Steph wasn't insecure either, and if she was... Well, she was real good at hiding it.  I am not quite sure how she did it, but I think she actually achieved perfection.  She did nothing wrong to me.  She wasn't submissive, but she wasn't wanting me to cater to her every beck and call.  She had balance, and I think she was a lot more beautiful than the girls on the T.V.  I loved her so much and I still do. Steph was untamable. So, what did I do? What any man would do if he was madly in love. I went with her, we went everywhere. We experienced what life was to us. She was getting lost in jungles while I was getting lost in her."

I love you, Mother Dearest
Your warm floral dress is my origin of choice
A tall beauty with intricate patterns on your skin, begging to be noticed
You fed me breaths and I grew tall- not as tall as you, but boy was I strong
I took my strength and I buried my heart into you

I love you, Mother Dearest
My heart grew where I planted it, it didn't take much to thrive
The soil was so clean
And you were chipping, but your mind stayed pure
Death was around the corner but you weren't afraid, you told me "It's no different from life, you just become light"

I love you, Mother Dearest
I know you are gone, but you aren't
You can hear me, but you can't answer the way you used to be able to
Clones of beautiful individuals take your place while you make your way up top
If I had the choice, I'd pick the sun too

I love you, Mother Dearest
Mother of all trees
Philosopher
Life supporter
Understood all

And I love you, Sun.

Our love was complex
It was real, though
really real
One day, something tragic occurred
And I still loved you so much
But there was an undeniable pain that wouldn't dissipate
It couldn't be healed from more love or separation
trust me I tried everything
So, I decided to just become invisible
Or at least that's how I feel now
I love you so much there is no room *forspaces

When we were in our teens we were convinced that we had so much love to give, so much love to be in....But then break up after break up, you realize something: that wasn't love. Love is a force that exceeds past relationships. It is not to be confused with freshness or infatuation because when you finally fall in love it consumes your life, inevitably. It doesn't matter where your "relationship" stands, all that matters is that you love that person.

I wish I liked nice guys, but I always fall for the ******.

******* salty ocean tears
O, how I miss you dear
Fresh delicate minds as if we descended yesterday from our wombs
Everyday is new to us and I am glad I got to see you bloom

Too bad, so sad- you decided to leave me
No warning, no note- years you left quite seemingly effortlessly
I felt shocked, betrayed, and abandoned
I hope she is worth what you bargained

Portals we call 'experiences'
We merge into the mindsets of our various friendships
Feasting like parasites, off of bliss and bruises
Walking out one door into another
Farewell to old parties
Tiptoeing out of other people's stories
I can't recognize who I was before
I am who I am now
"I can't believe I said that"
"I can't believe I did that"
Words we repeat throughout this journey
Rippled reflection from pulling my head out of the water
Drip drying pasts fading fast
Sober psychedelic experiences from our God within
Telling us to awaken the light we have been given

brutally honest, in a good hearted manner

warm to the touch, practically glowing

your ribcage doesn't keep your heart from me

such a soft expression

not afraid to be in touch with femininity

Blossoming jubilee
Petals trickle down their symphonies
Sharing gold-containing liquids of sweet nutrients
Fellow friendly winds carry their children across manmade architecture
Hugging onto hoodies and sightseeing before resigning into the soil
To patiently grow into personal structures
That will repeat the cycle of unified fields of family

Earthly intelligence
Love is the apparatus of universal existence
Nothing more, nothing less
All we ever needed to know is already inside of us

Eyes are useful, but sometimes blinding
Spread your forehead open in the name of light
Reality is perception
Perception is you

You are the creator

Black on blue
Eyes like the moon
Fantastic
Delicious, melt-in-your-mouth licorice
Call her sassy, but she sways savvy into your life
Binds your mind and body into one
Barrier destroyer of all dark forces, carrier of light
Pure and innocent, she carresses your mind
Vibration uplifted and intelligence becomes gifted
Quick, yet graceful
One of many doors
That your higher self knocks on

Your love is like a caged bird
Beautiful when standing outside looking in
But imprisoning when you are the bird

My happiness is not an object
You can not rob it

All my life
felt like breathing through a straw
You came along
and tried to remove it
I thought you were harming me
I panicked
Held my breath for a minute
and when I opened my eyes
the straw was gone
I could breathe better

pressed against my lips
Firmly between my ****
Tobacco in my hand
On papers and in filterland

I smoke with friends at parties
That serve high quality beer and bacardi
The nicotine is what I need
And sometimes I throw in some ****

Quilt made of hearts
Eyes laced with static memories
You are a part of my broken record lifestyle
I can still taste you when I talk
Your energy is in a jar, sitting on my shelf getting dusty
I want to open you up, but I have nowhere left to put you

Dining on copious amounts of serotonin
Dopamine fiend
I get called a terrible teen
Lack of melotonin

Sleepless dreams
Of seizing opportunities
But I don't participate in life; truancy
I guess I'm nothing more than another one of ******'s machines

Dense, hugging fractal frenzy
O green queen
Rooted soul, in tune universally
Quiet earthly whispers
Still
And not afraid to be naked
Grouped, but never identical
I admire you, you are my idols

My subconscious is an icky place
A trash bin, a place to sweep the dust and hide old things
The old things are my unwanted memories
They pile up and now it's a dump

My conscious is clean and beautiful
Spotless, but I made a mistake
Instead of taking care of my memories, I just threw them away
Now when I sleep, I pay

Imprints, emotional cuts that feel skin deep
I like the way your tears glisten on your pale skin
Priceless diamond drops
Chameleon eyes, changing along with the seasons
And with the shirts you indecisively choose to wear
For the people you pretend to like

You hold values close to your chest, worn like a necklace
Lip syncing yesterday's words I whispered to you
When we were in bed, alone and intimate
Forgetting about today because your head is on my pillow
Still kissing my lips and tasting my emotions I transfer onto you
Yearning to be loved, while loving relentlessly

Last night, I adventured up onto a mountain
Shady trees and familiar acquaintances who I like
Nobodies who enjoy crawling into cracks and crevices
Because the streets are unstimulating

We reach the edge of the world
Look down, must of been 2,000 feet
Kings and Queens
We owned the city, because we had their lights in our hands

That was a night I will relive
Over, and over, and over, and over
I feel alive, I feel aware when I am with you all
It doesn't matter if we had a past or not

You matter
And you made an impact
And you have an affect on my memories
And you made my night memorable

We rule
Because we think we rule
And that is all that matters
All that matters is what you think of yourself

I don't know how to be close
I paint myself in colors, expecting love to come
To only find an idea destroyed, broken into crumbs

When love meets me, more gleeful than ever
Dull and nuetral I become, distant and unfamiliar
Curl up, roll inside myself, harden shell, dismembered mind

I guess I never really wanted love

teal and golden rays
in your eyes
managed, clean-cut hair
presentable, charming
barely a stranger despite
short times together
your company is healing

you're a character, that's for sure
an impressionist, eccentric
convivial like myself
we stand outside and
happily inhale poison
pretending we're awkward
being awkward

good friends we
have become
in such a short time-span
mutual agreement to
enjoy who we are      
together

Hey, are you okay?
You look like you need a friend
Averted stare, unmanaged hair, fresh wet skin under those eyes
Hey, are you okay?
I think we have all been there
Disturbed, unheard, horribly impaired

I love you and even if I didn't
There are a million--no, billions who would love you in a minute
Don't dread and tread all over that beautiful mind
I'll take you in and call you mine

Fix you up, give you strength
Until you are ready to take the lengths
Walk on your own again, remember how bliss feels
I'll give you my heart as a meal
Eat it up, love for two
And if I fall back you'll be ready to catch me

The never ending cycle of needing one another

Unamused, abused, inflicted by I
Distractions, that keep my heavy eyes alive
***, drugs, deep conversations keep me fed
This feels as real as pretend, driven by others for fuel I don't have
This must be the end
Nah, I'll never die,
I'll continue to tell myself so I don't amend my habits

Embrace these teenage customs that feel so unique
They aren't, but that keeps me in synch
Willingly letting denial be a trait, a style of it's own
That will take me out one day, I already have condoned

Pick-pocketing angels leave me with no change
Tampered pill bottle head, rattling brain rearranged
Hold me close like a nostalgic note
Please don't toss me away like the others do

Dehydrated tears from my eyeballs shoving
I play pretend with emotions, childlike
Aware life is no game, yet I play
Because I am a bored teenage wannabe sociopath

I try to not try hard, you do it too
Some kind of popular nature we [teenagers] conform to
No problems, we will seek them/pleasure or pain
Or our bodies will feel the wrath, I can never just sit there

Lying here, smells like comfort and *******
Your body makes the tics tock faster, timely and my heartbeat
One kiss, I forget you
Two kiss, I forget us
Three kiss, gone

Gritted teeth, anxious, smooth-toothed
Swirling pit, stomach twists and turns, old bath rag
Adrenaline, uncontrolled thoughts keeps me grounded, cigarette
Empty eyes, laughter, a smile

I, sometimes, wither along with the autumn leaves
Carried by the current of that chilly breeze
Yeah, it may look uncomfortable but sometimes I like letting go
Letting go, into the flow, when I should be trying to row

I am happy,
oh no, now I am sad
One day I am strong
Two later, I've gone mad
I try to take steps
But I'm always tripping on threads
The threads are your words
That won't leave my head

I miss you, but I don't
Because I think I know what's best
The best thing to do is
To never second guess

Onward and foward
My eyes obey, my heart tries to follow
My mind is concerned about my heart
Like an over-protective father
For all will be okay, I promise myself
Time has painted me a new portrait of I
That I can see I am not far from
And when I get there, that means I have moved on

So, tell me... What does life mean to you?
To me, it is like a facade or an illusion.
You find what feels most real and live with it.

The majority of people are logged into the same "server",
but that doesn't make the ones who see purple people
or talk to higher powered entities from other dimensions
any different from one another

There is truth in our words,
but I think the truth is beyond human language, for the most part
If we ever figure out the mystery, it will probably be verbally unexplainable


The veil is lifted little by little,
every day we grow older we FEEL the truth, even unconsciously
but it is there, believe me
and when we die the veil will be lifted


to find that we chose to live this life we previously lived
and chances are, we will choose to live again

You tell me it doesn't have to be this way
I can have it any way
And I say, if I can have it my way then so can you
If we both want it two different ways, what will we do?