I wish that I could feel that joy of finding a four leaf clover. Such luck receiving something so small and simple. As of now I have nothing, so please wake me up when winter is over. Before my memories become nothing but the waters ripple.

Somewhere in my mind, I'm being treated wonderfully by a figment of my imagination who is the person I thought you were.

I see that peas are green, dead possums too. They're deceased just like me and you. And I think to myself, what a ****** up world.

I tie my own shoes, my mom is white. I heard you got locked up, I found out last night. And I think to myself what a ****** up world.

You know you're really dumb though, all you ever do is lie. You're oh so embarrassing that I just wanna cry, I just shake me head asking what the hell did you do? I'm really just saying I'm tired of you.

I hear our baby cry, he's really grown. He never takes naps, just letting you know. And I think to myself, what a ****** up world, yes I think to myself what a ****** up world.

In the midst of the pink clowds above, two cowboys appeared. One came down from his horse and cocked his gun and the other came towards me in great force. I couldn't scream, I couldn't run as the cowboy's hand reached out and grabbed me, only catching sight of his brown leather glove.

They took me to another place and dropped me in the river, leaving me wet and cold, stranded on the rocks to shiver. Alongside me a dead woman lay facedown. Her green dress torn from bottom up, black hair scattered amongst the water, her skin was blue and gray. Presumably she had drown as the waves carried her away.

Looking ahead, the Native Americans walked the trail. The tribe followed behind their cloaked chief as he sang and pounded the drum. Their voices sang with hope but their faces were so glum. I watched as they trotted and slipped on the remaining snow. They were in a rush. To where? I do not know.

To the left of me the dead woman stood. She was a corpse! Her face rotten and filled with rage, her fist clenched and ready to charge like a bull released from a cage. Her eyes were black, teeth yellow,  her hair was wet and stuck to her jaw. She raised her hand and struck me, that was the last I ever saw.

Maybe she makes you feel better when you embrace her essence, maybe that is why you storm in and out of my presence. We spent every day together through summer heat and leaves in the fall, winter comes and I'm left with vague answers and no phone call. The streets at night is where you ponder, high off her love as I lay in bed and wonder... will you come around when the day comes and I finally birth your only son? Or will you still be on the run? You claim that becoming a father makes you scared but maybe you're distracted by her burnished stare. I come to realize that in your world I have become a minority while she is on the rise to become a priority. Was she really worth quitting your work? Is she enough to make you think our will arrive by a stork? You must be thrilled when her taste is on your tongue, vanish into a world of your own that makes you feel young. It may be this way now but I miss the person who took me out on adventures not the one who smells of smoke and risk his life for a woman who will ruin his face and give him dentures.

Somehow some way, I had t in my head that you'll snap back into that person you where one day. I realize I can't turn back time, you'll never change, you've ****** yourself up and the life we had is completely over, I have just as much luck as finding a four leaf clover. Maybe I won't have as much fun with anyone as I did with you but it's for the better , I have to man up and seel how I feel in a letter. They say people change but memories don't, I've tried to help but you won't let me, you shut me out, make me cry, all you ever do is lie that you'll become clean now I have no other choice but to be mean because you make me this way, you call me up demanding ***, ******* other men for ****, it's somehow all my fault you're a complete mess. You spend weeks ghosting me, then show up at my door with a new trick to manipulate and fool me again, I'm sick of the games, I'm tired of the lies that day you went and hit the pipe was the day you and I died.