I'm angry at the fact that I go downstairs every morning to be nagged at as if I'm the lousy husband. I'm angry at the fact that he left us here to do drugs while I sit up in my room and cry as I hold our beautiful son in my arms. I'm angry at everyone for not understanding the fears I have every day of my life. I'm angry at myself for having nowhere else to go, most importantly, I'm angry for letting my emotions take over.

If you choose to hold onto the past, the only  issue is you! The situation is already done and over with. Time eventually moves forward and whatever it is holding you back is no longer the cause of pain, it's you choosing to still be in pain.

I wish people were like books with words written all over them about the person they are, so we could know their intentions before you learn the hard way.

I'm just a butterfly flying free, never a worry of what happens to me
Full of life, my wings are brisk as the world around me is a risk.
I am small and surrounded by danger, putting little trust into the hands of strangers. Remove my wings and I will die, on the inside I will cry.

I look in the mirror and I see an older face, a thinner body and different hair. But the same emotions stay in place as I try not to care.

" You will not experience any problems because you are white"

So someone who is dying of a terminal illness isn't feeling any pain? A person does not suffer as they slowly go insane? A man lost all his money in a divorce, but your experience with racism is much worse? A woman who has lost everything searches for food in a garbage bin. Is your oppression affecting you then? A man in prison hangs himself in his cell. While you sit around on your Iphone at the hair salon, tweeting about how Caucasians make your life hell. Skin color does not determine your wealth, financial instability nor mental health. Unfortunate life circumstances are not about race. The only problem here is you, pushing the blame on others for the decisions you face.

Leave me alone with a pen and I can do many things like write a world of my own.

I hate the way I am. How I over think everything until I mentally believe that the people around me don't care for me at all. One little thing sets me off and it becomes more than it seems, where I have to be reminded about the good things. How the thoughts I have make me afraid of myself so I sit alone thinking of ways to destroy the thought itself. I'm afraid that I might hurt others in the near future because of the anger inside me, I worry I'll hurt my husband and kids when I have them, I'm worried I'll hurt my family and friends when they're the last thing I want to damage. There are days when I become angry and I hear the monster inside me scream and curse and destroy everything in it's path there are days when she comes out and she's hideous. I hear my conscious speaking of things I don't want to hear, the voices become louder and it distracts me from my daily life and I drown them out by sleeping so I can wake up to them again, I've heard these voices since childhood and they've become a nuisance and the worse part is that sometimes what they say is true. If you ask most people what they are afraid of they would answer something like death, snakes or spiders. But if you ask me I would tell you that I fear myself more than anything.

People are not going to say that they're coming home with pizza and then come back with a bag of chicken, unless the pizza place is closed. Beware of someone who claims that they have a type especially if you don't fit the description.

When you bleed it's your job to bandage the wound and your choice to let the blood flow.

In life you're going to get dumped, cheated on, rejected, friend zoned and used. We don't live in a world full of rainbows and butterflies. People **** and that's just the way it is. Stop saying that you're "too scared to love" grow up, take risk and get over yourself. Life is going to offer struggles before you can receive something greater.

People create their own bear traps and step in them deliberately blaming another. These people are the real monsters nearby.

I chased a speeding car, having the confidence that I would catch up to it.
My knees gave out, I fell on my face, scraped my arms and legs, laying face first into the ground on that hard gravel road. I had no control over my energy, my body was fading fast as I was running out of breath. I looked down up at that gravel road and the car was gone. That car held my sanity, emotions, strength.Yet left me with precious memories that I can never get back in this lifetime until I work to get back on my feet.

Nothing like receiving harassment in the mail, got so mad and blew all my money on a dress on sale. Waste my time pondering over boys who won't text back, being controlled by those who view my existence as an empty bag of fruit snacks. All I want is to be myself, enjoy my adult life. Instead having the doors of my well being scratched up by a cleaver knife.

If it's anything I've learned it is that honesty is the greatest gift one can give.

Putting your hopes up in someone who does not care for you. Is almost like trying to throw a lasso over a cloud. It is impossible and will never work.

I took a walk today with the baby at a historical site. I stopped at the eatery and pictured you right across from me. I started to wonder if you would like it here and the food I ordered. Usually every day I think "haha your *** is in jail" but today I realized that it's been pretty lonely without you. We used to travel together all time and see places and you probably don't even acknowledge what you left behind.

I draw pictures of how it could of been, if you never have gone astray. Of what I could have prevented from happening the following day. I draw the one who had taken you away, he is the one whom I slay.

The sweet feeling of independence entangles itself into my soul as time passes and bad memories grow old. The feeling of an evenings summer's breeze caressing your hair as enjoyment becomes irresistible as a puppies innocent stare.