And you didn’t hold the kittens
They held you
In the upstairs of your barn
Behind one of the hay bails

Where summer was endless
lake days
holding hands
Climbing trees
And exploring

All of it made us feel like we never needed anything else
But we didn’t know anything else
Where even in the winter
The wood stove was there to help us keep our sunshine
Warm
And
Excited
Who could run the fastest
Who had the most secrets
We were
Terrified
Of the neighbors dog
And how he tore at our heels
If we weren’t fast enough
We were terrified of our older brothers
And how much our bodies didn’t belong to us

Both our fathers were too loud
And our mothers too meek
We
Were each other’s only escape....


There were red ones
That grew just out of the deer’s reach
Behind the best climbing tree
Littered with pots and pans as high as the eye could see
But the special ones
The yellow ones
Required some adventuring
We braved the feared boundaries by your neighbors where that Rottweiler could reach us
Just for something a little sweeter than what we had
But it was never as scary as going home
We would rather risk the snarling demon
Than go home and hear the screaming
Than go home and go to sleep
Only to wake up
And try to convince ourselves What happened in the night

Was a dream.

I was never a lover of distance,
At best, a sprinter I tended to be.

But divides have always been a splinter,
In catching the favorites, that I would see.

Like walking along a creek.
A frog, does my young eye spy.

But he was going 'hop hop',
From way, on the other side.

So lessons from my surroundings,
I'd make note and ponder away.

So over the creek I too did hop,
Next to my little teacher, I would stay.

But I never cared much for distance...
Some gaps were much go wide.

The distance wasn't always the problem,
Sometimes it was the tide.

Of the great sea that laid between us.
It was the season, of great swells and rain.

Still without, all of the miles,
There'd be no sea, no wind, or pain.

Though I wish to walk all the miles.
Just to come knocking at your door.

Time is the real distance...
So I must wait...  A little more.

When your eyes close for the night...
Do images dance in your eyes?
Glittering from all the magic.
With closed eyelids, from the world they will hide.

And like lifted into to outer space,
I imagine reflections in your eyes, remain.
Floating away from this world.
To a place, that knows no pain.

Closed still are your eyes,
But as mirrors do they show.
A journey deep, into your heart,
Of the places you will go.

Flash forward and you sit.
On top of a heavy breathed steed.
You and your fine stallion are gleaming,
From the glory of your deed.

Flash forward again and your eyes are aglow,
As dance among the fae.
Twirling and leaping from leaf to leaf,
As you dip your fingers, into the sun's warm rays.

And blink you move, but your eyelids they do not,
You're back in outer space.
Racing comets, with no meaning of distance and time,
With an excited grin, smeared upon your face.

And in a flash your back at home,
But to one you've never been.
You, holding dear sweet infant child.
As you're lover, holds your smiling chin.


Do you ever dream so sweetly...
Do you dream of fanciful things?

Or when you close your eyes at night...

Does tomorrow... Just begin?

how do I validate my feelings
I know everyone is feeling the same

everyone is going through it
we fall and get back up

even then
it's hard to say hello

we bare it until we explode
automatic happy machines

come back
I'm losing myself
I forgot what makes me smile

let me feel artificial love
swallow the sunlight
I had a dream
I can't remember

we're the same
we're so disconnected

In moments
Of utter helplessness
I seek solace
In silence.