Remember
When every secret was ours alone?
Nor do I, dear love.
Our lives together have been documented.
As we hide from ourselves,
And each other,
Everyone else can see
What we have avoided.
Not blind,
Rather, refusing to see in color
Remember when
I loved you less than I do
Nor do I, my love.
Nor do I.

He asked if he could date her
She said she was too young
He said, "Don't you love me?"

He asked her to kiss his neck
She said she didn't know how
He said, "Don't you love me?"

He asked her to give up her dreams
She said she didn't want to
He said, "Don't you love me?"

He asked her to take off her clothes
She said things were moving too fast
He said, "Don't you love me?"

He pushed himself inside
She said, "No."
He said, "Don't you love me?"

He got up and he left
Without a glance behind
She whispered,
"Don't you love me?"

i fall in love with painted words
the meaning has no meaning
as long as they are beautiful
empty words
spoken in a sincere voice
by someone i love
mean everything.
and then i am forever
questing to hear
your masterful phrases
devoid of all meaning
just one more time.

Hush,
No one can hear you
No one can love you
So trust me,
trust me
I will love you
I will go inside
I will make you right
Everything is perfect
for me.
Don't scream,
don't scream.
No one can hear you
I love you.

you have ruined me for everyone else
every text, i think is you
every call
every "notification"
every doorbell, every knock,
every word belongs to you
you have ruined me for everyone else
or perhaps,
you've ruined everyone else
for me.

fear
agony
humiliation
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
silence

she wears a cross around her neck
and spreads her legs.
afterward,
she smiles
because
she is still better than you
how does it feel?

Creep through the roses
Who is there but me?
Everyone else is dead
Snatching at my roses
Rotten flesh, shells of flowers
Something isn't right here.

To God I will pray that you'll remain the same
Through the dust and empty wind of desolate heartbreak
Darling, just remember neither of us is to blame
I remember when you went away, shrouded in shame
Just a scared little boy lost in one big mistake
And to God I will pray that you'll remain the same
Handsome dark locks covered eyes laced with pain,
Eyes that knew too much for one man to take
Please darling, just remember that neither of us is to blame
You came to me with roses while you were covered in rain
Upon my doorstep with a sadness that your eyes can't seem to shake
And to God I will pray that you'll remain the same
Your kisses taste like heaven, but your words feel like disdain
But sometimes you're a dream from which I never want to wake
And darling, please remember that neither of us is to blame
I remember all the hours spent trying to tame
The passion inside us causing so much heartache
But to God I will pray that we'll remain the same
And darling, just remember that we were never to blame.

slashes on my wrists
with my mouth open wide
gasping for air
and hearts shoved inside
choke on the blood
passion, lust, love--
happiness is
red drips
at the bottom of
a bath tub.

She set the table
with two cups, two plates,
two hearts in mind
and then she ate alone
for the very last time.

i was lucky when i found you
nothing more, nothing less
than being at the right place
at the right time
but we have moved passed that
and i have grown so luckless
and loveless
that my eyes have glazed over
with drops of salty water
that have not been thrown over
my shoulder
so i will need to avoid
black cats and
the Scottish play
and endless other things
and i will hold on
to four leaf clovers
and rabbit's feet
because i need all the luck i can get
when it comes to loving you

it's 1:30 AM
and i am alone in the dark.
but if i say your name three times
and spin around softly
will you
appear,
kiss my lips,
and stay with me forever
like you promised?

She looked at me
With question marks for eyes
And she asked me one thing
With eyes so innocent
And curls so fair
She looked at me and said
"How do you love?"
And I looked at her
With tears dripping
And I whispered quietly
"One day you will know."
She rolled her eyes
And walked away
And I couldn't blame her
But there was nothing else to say
And I looked after her
With stained glass eyes
And I whispered once again
"One day you will know"
Only this time I didn't stop there.
And as she walked away
In stockings as quiet as a whisper
I told her the truth that
She was never too young
To know
Only too blissfully ignorant
To understand.
One day you will know,
But by then it will be too late.

dead before you died
a shadow that's not even alive
an existence that has no purpose or meaning
an empty shell that has no feeling

who are you to tell me how to feel?
who are you to decide what is actually real?
your heart stopped beating long before this
yet you stand before me with the illusion of bliss

you have a black heart made purely of anger
you have no folly or any fear of danger
you hurt only when you look me in the eye
because you see someone who said "Not I."

you see before you someone not whole
you see someone with a semi-tattered soul
you see someone who will always be open
you see someone who's just a little bit broken

you may not have anything to fear
but i could safely say that it hurts you, my dear

Little ****** had her work cut out for her
But she did her best
To break him down
Turn him into something
That she could use
To destroy herself

If only it hadn't worked
Quite so well
Maybe she could have had him
For a little bit longer.

the sun is cold
my tears are frozen solid
your eyes are wide awake
and smiling

you are thawing
while i am frozen stiff
bones made of icicles
and gray dreams

you can move on
into a world full of color
red, blue, green, yellow
you are the seasons
spring, summer, fall
and i am
cold and alone
angry, broken, bitter
another night full
of black and white promises

the ice is too much
this love cannot break through
snow mounds and glittering tears
cover any chance of color

trees stand,
empty and alone
toothless mouths
too embarrassed to smile;
their leaves will not return.

you are spring, summer, fall
and i am
winter forever

I started moving on the day that love turned to hate
The day that love turned to lust
The day I wish I could erase

I started moving on the day I couldn't see my dreams
The day that yours turned my stomach
The day my mind was filled with screams

I started moving on the day I lost a part of me
The day that we fell apart
The day I thought I'd never see

I started moving on the day that love turned to hate
When I looked at you and cringed,
Realized our love was second rate.

I started moving on when I opened up my eyes
When I saw what you were made of
And it was everything I despise.

Contrast of colors
Ever changing morning
To afternoon
Azure and alive
Cerulean and so
simple
Whipping wind
resists my skin,
my body,
it tries to get past me,
quickly, quickly
tries to hold my hand,
says
"Get up and play with me."
the sun smiles
sadly
she says "I am here
but you cannot feel me
the wind is stealing
my song."
i do not mind
so much
the wind is free
and running
much like i want to be

So selfish
No one but me
and you
I've lost it, I've lost it
find me again
hold me close
don't let me go
it's been so long
and my feelings are waning
but i love you, i love you
can't we repeat the past?
Gatsby's green light is glowing
in my eyes
i want you to want me
the way you did
and i want to want you
the way i did
when the green light
was still bright
when every second meant us
and every truth meant love

i'm writing poems
you may never see
because they'd hurt your feelings
and break your heart
but i love you
until i can't anymore
(which is never, of course)
and you'll love me
with or without
a hazy cloud of smoke
dancing around your head
and i will stick around
and wave the cloud away
and gently kiss
your forehead

i love you and i'll never stop
and when the going gets tough
i will think of you and smile
and when they call me a ****
and make-believe my honesty for promiscuity
you and i will know
that it was only ever you and me
i will look at them
and i'll be filled with disdain
and i will light the candle in my heart
for my far away lover
who is the only one who will ever have me
and i will say what i want
and do as i please
and they will talk about me
and you will love me still

there's disgust in my eyes
and i can't breathe
his mom comes in
and sees
the bongs and the cigs
and fourteen year old girls
and a fourteen year old boy
and a twenty year old man
and me
she smiles and closes the door
and i can't breathe
because this is normal here
and she got high with them last night
and she probably will again
when i'm long gone
and i can't believe this is your life
and i feel sick to my stomach
and it has nothing to do
with the skunk in the air
but with the "mother" downstairs
and the deadbeats,
the broken,
and the painfully innocent
up here

he was beautiful
and kind
he was tall
and shy
but smooth
and he knew how to touch a girl
before i even kissed a boy
and he grew up too fast
and i still can't do laundry
but he was beautiful
and he was mine

are you
or are you not?
who really
gives
a
****

a girl got hurt too many times
and she didn't want it anymore
her tiny form was shaking
at what else could be in store
since she was small
she was always afraid
so she cut out her heart
and threw it away
she cut out the sadness
the anger, the fear
she cut out anything
that made her shed a tear
she took her knife
and she cut her heart out clean
she didn't stop to think about
exactly what that'd mean
she cut out her desire
she cut out her sighs
she cut out all thoughts
of her eventual demise
she cut it all out
all that made her feel shattered
and it was too late when she realized
she cut out everything that mattered
her heart was still beating
but it was as cold as ice
and that's when she figured out
what makes this world so nice
the hurt and the pain
and the happiness too
all go together
there's no way to choose
what you want in your life
you have to take it all
either that or you cut out
every feeling, big and small
and this little girl
made up of bones and skin
wanted nothing more
than to let the feeling back in
but her heart was like winter
and her knife was cutting air
so she decided to feel
the last thing that was there
she stuck the knife deep
and she smiled as she died
because for the first time in a long time
she felt truly alive

to need; desire.
the feeling of perfect bliss
just out of your reach

don't cut yourself
why would you?
because the pain is too much
because you hurt inside
the anger and sadness is writhing in you
creating an almost apathetic desire to feel
anything
don't cut yourself
type the words out
type the things that are racing inside you
try to find the perfect words
try really hard
to make your meaning clear
try to explain the heaving hurt inside you
the stones in your stomach
the throbbing in your scarred wrist
try to explain these things
the best you can
on paper
and use ink
instead of blood
to express your pain

i didn't cut myself today
are you proud?
are you going to pat me on the back
and say,
"good job"?
are you going to smirk and say
"i told you that you could control it."
are you going to eye my wrist
and heave a huge sigh of relief
and treat me very carefully?
are you going to give me a reward i don't want?
i didn't starve myself today
are you going to thank me profusely
and give me yummy foods to eat in front of you?
are you going to hug me and say
"darling, you look so healthy!"
i didn't hurt myself today
my body is healing
and you are pleased
you treat me so delicately
or so nonchalantly
as if everything i do
is either a huge accomplishment
or nothing at all
but
that's not what i need right now.
i need to say
"i didn't cut myself today"
and i need you to look at me
and kiss me
and tell me
that even if i had
you would still be here
kissing me

hush my perfect baby
hush my little girl
i am here and you are too
and we can finally begin

you kiss me with your eyes
i see you
you tempt me with your smile
i know you do

perfect curls
perfect eyes
freckles are not blemishes
rather, beauty marks
galore

you're not the sun
because
your radiance is not meant for all
you are the moon
whispering sweet nothings to me
in the middle of the night

i will make you a full moon
i will make you glow
and you will wink
and smile,
curling your lips in a smirk
and say
"am i too young to feel this way?"

you know what my answer will be

The ice inside me
is never thawed by the heat
in between my thighs

In the face of beauty, I am breathless,
And I am asthmatic around you
My heart leaping from my body
Determined to cross paths with the one it loves.
My heart will leave my body
To climb into another
To snuggle deep within your chest
And say "I love you."
Awakening me and
Feelings long forgotten
The feelings I had for you.
I don't want to forget
secrets
late nights
whispers
of love
and comfort
agony in the most blissful way
imaginable.
I remember love
as if he is an old friend
he sings me to sleep
with promises of you.
and with you i know
fireworks
passion
warmth
flowers and grass
the breeze playing with my hair
the may air suffocating me
with happiness
The curtains conducting
a song of love
with the breeze and the birds chirping
Can you feel it?
can you feel me next to you
clutching, clinging, caring?
caring so much i could break.
fireworks fill my heart with
flowers and Easter eyes
the rebirth of love
seeds planted in my chest
a chain of daisies around my lungs.
a tree forms in my stomach
and the branches seem to quiver
in the may air
the sun kisses us
almost the way you kiss me
and we laugh together
swinging upward toward the sky
the may air is everywhere
and i am breathless in love

You are God's apology
When He made hurt
He made your eyes
And when He made hunger
He made your smile
And when He drenched the towns in sin
He was busy making your heart

You are God's apology
For a world gone wrong
Because the way your hair
Flickers in the wind
Makes everything okay again

Our love is a divorce court’s dream
And court is now in session
The judge and jury as a team
Will try and teach us a lesson

The former leers down and speaks
“What evidence have you brought?”
“She doesn’t make sense, and she’s sad for weeks.”
You respond without a thought

“He’s angry and horrible, and just plain mean!”
I manage to say to the jury
“She’s a *****.” “He’s vile.” “Her clothes are obscene!”
We fill the room up with fury

Our love may be a divorce court’s dream, but I guess it’ll have to wake up,
For it only takes a moment’s time for us to kiss and make up

her brazen skin
comes around here
every once in awhile

her eyes like a snake's,
green and sly
seem to smile, all on their own

her body is supple
and inviting
open and waiting

they whisper about her
and her not so moral ways
and they wait in line
to use and abuse
and sneer
and go away

did you know that she craves love
as much as you do?

we are studying space
and teacher says
it is important stuff,
but i cannot think
of anything except
your eyes
and the way they sparkle
brighter than the stars
and larger than the moon
and how they are
more important to me
than the sun could ever be

You say I am an angel

You said so as I wore white before you
Stood before you with frail, white curls
and eyes shining blue
you said that i am an angel to you

You say I am an angel
as I whisper in your ear
what I want you to do
someday
soon

You say I'm an angel
as my eyes glow red
as I undress before you
as you watch me sin
upon you

You say I'm an angel
As I kiss you,
everywhere

You say I am an angel
As I cross myself
Before letting you in,
forcing you in
letting you
pound
into
me

you say i'm an angel
but i can only see
the red in my eyes
As your thrusts turn to cries
of ecstasy

angels are sweet
angels are pure
not i, not i

you say i am an angel
and the truth is
i am
only because
angels and i
are both dead inside

you say i am an angel
but my halo is askew
and my wings are drenched
in red

Twenty to eighteen
doesn't seem nearly as weird as
fifteen to seventeen or
sixteen to eighteen
or seventeen to nineteen
plus
the ***
is
legal

We left them
and their smoke
and their Hoarder-like house
For an adventure of our own
And I felt safer already
And you held me
And I knew
Why you didn't want me
To see you this way
But I looked at you
And I said that I loved you still
And I felt very old
And you looked very sad
And I knew I didn't want you
To smoke anymore
Or do anything else
That made you that unhappy
When I was right next to you.

You think you're cute
And the worst ******* part is
You are.

We sit in a circle
We're playing Russian Roulette
With life
And I think you're going to lose
You light it up
Take a hit
And in that moment
I see what your life could be
Forever
And
I. Don't. Want it.
You pass it over
I take a hit
And the acrid taste
Does not make me feel
Any different
I sit in silence
And watch you
smile
And you think you've won
But really,
we've both lost
You the game,
and I, you.

You looked at me as if I were a
primrose
A delicate flower
with tiny petals
opening up to you
with little thorns to ***** you with
when you make me angry
You plucked me up
away from the sun
and the moon
and the sky
and my little primrose friends
You put me in an expensive vase,
caring for me the best you could.
But sometimes you go away,
and alone
I am wilting

I am a good girl
This I swear
I won't change ever
I would not dare
I am the good girl
Yes I am
When bad things happen
Just say, "Don't think I can."
I am the nice girl
Yes, indeed
I don't act out
I'm not guilty of greed
I am a nice girl
Through and through
That is, I was
Until I met you
and
then
i
was
bad                                                   bad                                                      bad
                   not                                                  sad
not                               evil
but i did things
that
maybe
i                                                        shouldn't                                   have
at least,
i did things
that    
good                                  girls                                      don't                                                                   do.
nothing made
sense
nothing was prim
nothing was proper
i was free
living like a                              rebel
and when i am with you
everyone says
"Look! There goes a bad girl
There's an example of what
you
shouldn't
do."
Well,
take it from
me
because I
was once a good girl too
do it
whatever you want to do
do it for the rush
do it for the screams
do it before it's just another dream
do it for love
for the strange sensation of                         guilt and pleasure
rolled into one
because, darling
when you're through
you won't be a good girl
or a bad girl
you'll just be you

If you were to die
I'd whisper
"Bury me away
with you."
If you were to take the train
And ride,
far away
I'd whisper
"Carry me away
with you."
And if you were
sitting in a jail cell
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
I would sit with you
and whisper
"I've never felt richer
than when I have you by my side."
Carry me away,
bury me away
Leave me in toil and trouble
In a rotting, swollen mess
of pain and misery
and if I am with you
I will smile still

The sullen day was over
And the children all asleep in bed
There was no one around
Just you and me.
You came towards me
Moving with a smooth sense of purpose
A sweetness not always present
A hunger for love

You drew deep into the well of me
Opened my eyes and other parts too
I clung to you, lost in the ride
You crawled in me

So perfect was your face
So gentle was your grace
You held me down with love
And I breathed you in
Anyone can love you
But not the way I do
Anyone could have you
But not the way that I do
The sweetness in your eyes
Could never lie

i imagine knocks on doors
and whispers in my ear
i imagine things that aren't possible
as long as you aren't here
i can close my eyes
and feel you next to me
when i close my eyes
it's you i see
you are a fever
that won't burn away
and there's no reason i can give you
that will make you stay
nothing makes me sadder
nothing makes me happier too
than this fever inside of me
i am delirious from loving you

Paper bones form paper hearts
Cut out with child-sized scissors
And winter days are here to stay
Her heart is covered in blizzards

No one can help her
Because no one knows
Why her heart is beating
Amongst heavy snows

Fragile is as fragile does
And she certainly takes the cake
Metaphorically, of course, because
Literally would be a mistake

Paper hearts form paper dreams
Never to jump off the page
And she can't seem to jump at all
Her body has become a cage

Not losing weight, just losing time
At least that's how it seems
She's smashing mirrors and smashing plates
Thrown in a pile of smashed dreams

Paper dreams form concrete thoughts
Of ending it all one day
In fact, why later, why not now?
She doesn't have a reason to stay

Can't run, can't walk, can't nothing but sleep
Can't scream, can't cry, can't nothing but keep
Empty while her body is begging but she can't eat
To live at all is an enormous feat
Never leaving her alone until she sleeps

Endless sleep forms paper dreams
Of people and things she'll never see
As paper thin as her naked form
Her pale skin threatening to pop hipbones free

Hair is falling, teeth are yellow
As she kisses the cold, hard metal
Skeletal figure stumbles forward
This plan is turning fatal

She begs her paper heart to beat no more
She begs for her release
"My paper bones formed paper dreams,
I wish to be deceased."

This endless winter has to stop
This never ending quest to be thin
Slender hands and hollow cheeks
Drenched in her red sin

It's true she has expensive taste
Covered in designer from head to feet
But they say she's a cheap date
Because she'll never ******* eat

we couldn’t stay that way forever
it’s what I wanted
more than anything
but it would be asking
you
and me
to remain the same
and who could promise that?
we can’t get it back
too many things have happened
but we can go forth together
can’t we?
can we learn to love that way?
all these years
so close
and yet
i still feel the may air
i feel it more than the june air
or the october air
or january
i know we are infinite
the way i know your hands
and your face
and voice
in you i see me
in your eyes i see my
future
in your whispers i hear my
past
and in my heart
i feel my present
pumping away