I know someone who finds solace in ballet shoes
                A boy who strums his secrets to guitar strings
Someone that spends his waking moments with glazed red eyes
             As if facing this world cold turkey
                       Isn’t even an option.

For boys whose fingertips shake
                Like the burning end of a cigarette
And girls whose smiles resemble
Car crashes waiting to happen
A cacophony of shattered noises
             And those of us who feel guilty for the
                     mere act
                           Inhaling air
                        And exhaling poison
So we spend lifetimes holding our breaths

   Until we burn our lungs out trying
            To warm our hearts
            With something other than the fire
           That burns out in a smoky haze

Until our eyes become rivers,
flowing oceans
That cry out a thousand melted glaciers

Our tongues speak ruined languages
We read everything backwards
Curse in Latin
Make oaths in Russian
So whatever we say sounds beautiful.

So that our hands wont have to learn permanence,
affection
consolation.

I am counting twelve pairs of ribs lining the perimeters
of my torso
Boney Me
Asthenia fingers
Wasted knees and knuckles
Pricking the hard chords on my chest-guitar
Misery eyes -- Dashing around in dustbin sockets
My head like a raisin with skull-shaped framing
****** inward
Looking at the dead animals guilting me
Looking at the withering plants begging for water
Evil food.

Attracted to the mirror
I know only this
Only what I see -- And I see a sow.

Lost in this possibly regrettable movement
Towards
Skeletons
Boney Me
Looking at the evil food
I tell it that I hate it and that it will never be me

I tell it I want to be like the flossy ones on magazines
Thin to skinny to boney
Boney me smoking an e-cig
I defeat the evil foods tonight
Surviving on primal back-up spirits
Surviving for the hope of closeness
Maybe
I can waste away all this skin
And finally see my own heart.

I'm writing a story
It's like a Disney flick
With a princess and all

The princess is beautiful
& kind
And  sings
But
She finds an ancient gem
Full of power and wealth
It acts on her dreams
Colluding with reality
Trick-or-treat

Later
She finds herself in peril
she's stalked
By 1 million mirrors
Parroting her every move
Lurking around every corner

They catch-up with the princess
Ghastly clouded    mirrors
Hovering + being
There.

Stalked by 1 million mirrors

Until they are
Upon her

They burnt the entire house down
But the screams still ring out
The atrocities committed, permitted to happen
Can never be taken back, by a simple apology
And a promise to never let it happen again
The deaths, the humiliation they suffered
Are imprinted in their heads

By the time they find out
It would have been too late
A man with a boy's heart
has been set free
And he shan't stop till
He's taken everything
This world has to offer

(- secretly, he wishes that
he'd burn and the world,
the world would burn alongside him
his brain fragments
united for once, only once, in misery)

He chances upon others, his victims
They prostate in-front of him
They mirror the screams inside his head
For a short while, his retribution is fulfilled
But the screams soften to gasps,
Cries of mercy
Till they harshly grind to a halt
As he is painted crimson,
The screaming starts again
- It never stops. It just fades
into the background for a little while

For a second, he knows
Something is wrong
Something doesn't feel right
Right before he finds
Another prey.

He keeps writing,
Keeps trying, believing
That he stands a chance.

You are the ice that layers itself under the snow,
And what I have to watch out for with each step, as I walk.
You are always there, in my mind.
But you are not always here, because if you are I can't see you.

It seems so complex,
The way that you linger around
Even after you're long gone.
But this is as simple as ice in the winter.

When I think it is safe to run,
I may slip and fall down again.
Because you are always there.
You are always here, my ice.

I can not rid you from my life entirely,
as much as I wish it were possible.
I will make the same mistakes,
If I do not watch where I am walking.

I must live with the realization that the ground is not solid.
knowing that walking on, is not as easy as I have remembered.

I look to see if you’re online again
A bad habit that I should get out of
It’s been a bad day
And you’re the only one I want to talk to
Just a look to the right
Just a glimpse to see if you are there
But you still aren’t like I wish you were
I’m three degrees away from obsession
Toeing the line and getting closer to it with each passing moment
You’re like a drug to me and I can’t seem to get enough
I just want to talk to you
Because I know you can make it all better
But then you come online and I do nothing
I’m like a teenager again—waiting
Waiting to see if you will say something to me first,
To ask me how I’m doing
To see if you need me like I need you
Although I already know the truth
Or at least I think I do
So I keep quiet and watch as you come and go
You’re gone again and I feel that emptiness inside me come forth
Obsession is creeping up
I’ll push it back as long as I can
And wait for my twisted mind to go back to normal