After taking her soul for granted you broke her completely
That is why her eyes look like that
That is why she never feels guilt, or love, or fear, or regret anymore
That is why she can't be fixed
That is why she feels pain in her heart every time it beats
And that is why she cries at night without knowing why
Her sorrow is almost too much for her to bear
But she never shows it
and at the same time she does
It's her eyes that shows it
And nothing else does
Because of you she is like this
That. Is. Why.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I... lied
for the first time in my life
a true lie

I regret it
and want to cleanse myself of the guilt
and this horrendous evil

This time
my lie was not a deceiving answer
I saw the pity in her eyes
and I knew that she already had her information
she was trying to confirm it
and i lied.

I. lied.

I didn't even look at her eyes
Like i usually do
I just
looked down and around

She knows
She knows
She knows

I cannot hid it
the guilt will ****** me
but the lie

oh, such a stupid one

but the way she asked me

"is everything alright?"
It made me jump
I knew it would happen
I knew she would ask me
just
not come close and whisper with sympathy

I have never lied before
and this is the last time
i will lie

the guilt is unbearable
and
I cannot keep it from her
but also
I don't want to do anything stupid
but the only way to clean this guilty
feeling off

is to tell her
I will not lie
because the sympathy and kindness
reflected in her eyes so brightly
a quasar would be dimmer

oh, this guilt
it truly is the ultimatum
The way she perked when she saw me
close enough to come bounding to me
then to say a whisper and leave

that just killed me
i wanted to break down and cry my heart out
but i couldn't
not in that place


no..

And that night I was a mechanical doll
and I turned right and left, to all sides
and I fell on my face and broke to bits,
and they tried to put me together with skillful hands
And then I went back to being a correct doll
and all my manners were studied and compliant.
But by then I was a different kind of doll
like a wounded twig hanging by a tendril.
And then I went to dance at a ball,
but they left me in the company of cats and dogs
even though all my steps were measured and patterned.
And I had golden hair and I had blue eyes
and I had a dress the color of the flowers in the garden
and I had a straw hat decorated with a cherry.



Translated from the original Hebrew by Karen Alkalay-Gut.

Scared , bruised and battered from the people that matter

Holding onto your faith visualizing Gods strategical patterns

& afterwards, small events make us roll backwards

Danger in anger makes the minor things we have not even matter

Actions lead to a reaction , consequences & sentencing

Imagine a better life living the life of actresses in movie scenes

Allow your mind to ponder while you relax your feet in water

Let every moment simmer while skies grow dimmer , tempuratures rising while you begin to shiver

Ask yourself why am I  constantly in his picture

Never doubt the power behind your mind , your word, your scripture , your soul

Actually realize when you two fight?  guilt swallows him whole

Yearning for motherly love , love became his drug

Making him ill inside , all he needs is a hug

Care free living isn't wise , no emotion in eyes , when he cries
highly capable ,more than beautiful , soul better than soul food , he says those words are you

Tip toeing in the direction of you , but before he makes his mark he thanks our father for you

Thank You for the beauty within her soul he says , & Thank You for eye sight & the roof over my head

I thank you father but i ask you for one more thing ?
Don't let me lose the woman that sings the rhythm I bring

Ready to end his prayer he kisses the bible & says amen

Everything written now glistens, since spoken into existense ,allow your mind to listen & find the piece of the puzzle missing