I felt a feeling like never before
My heart; pounding
I couldnt handle anymore
My fears escalated to the point where i glued my eyes shut
But then i saw my nightmares that never went away
I tried to unglue my eyes
But then they were permanently shut tight.
Now i see whats inside my mind
I wanna erase everything thats trying to hide.
I will never forget what harmed me
I want to go back to the past and change everything
I blocked myself from winning
My mind made me lose repeatedly Turned into glass; my heart jumped out of my chest and then broke as it hit the floor
The blood rushed out of my body as i tried to save myself
I felt so broken as i lay on the floor
I bruised myself my remembering the times i wanted to leave this darkness
And I have been in the darkness my whole life; i regret not wanting to fight
I fought the wrong people
I fought the wrong person that tried to hide
My fears keep growing; while i am shrinking
Eventually i will crumble inside my own body
Eventually i will pass out for not breathing
Im breathing harsh
Im breathing slow
Im hyperventilating and it just wont leave me alone
Im fighting to breathe
My tears just wont dry
Its painful to breathe
And it hurts to cry
The time keeps ticking but there is no change
The time only makes me think that tomorrow it starts all over again
My fears dont wanna leave
My nightmares dont turn into regular dreams
Im still unable to control this feeling
Im waiting on the last tear that ends all my negativity
And i wish the last tear will stop all pain forever

I had fallen when i was small, and my scrapes were too small for me to even care
I healed and continued my days with not knowing how to cry
I fell a second time but it wasnt like any other
It wasnt the wind who pushed me
It was the force of my mind that was guiding me
I failed when i was supposed to pass
I gave up when i was supposed to succeed
I noticed i had some fears
My anxious tears, and alot of nightmares
I fell on top of a trap
The knife was sharp, and i stabbed my own back
I wanted to be weak
But at the same time i was fighting to be strong
I found out how it really felt to get hurt
I found out how it really felt to fall
Collapsed; i couldnt get up
As i pushed the mirror, i ended up on the floor
Shattered; i was broken
My bones gave up when i wanted to continue
I became friends with my enemy
I played with danger to satisfy me
As i walked into a hidden string, it tangled around my neck so i couldnt breathe
I hyperventilated when i wanted to bleed
I got anxious but i didnt wanna leave
Everytime i got up, i was pushed right back down
I never learned;
My new bed was the ground
I tripped over my own mistakes, then i broken my bones over my anger
I pushed myself ontop of the weapons, then i tore my skin over depression
I fell down my own dark path, then i shattered my body over my mind

I walk through a dark path black walls covered in scratches
My fingernails look bitten, but i was the one trying to free myself from the darkness
I couldnt ignore my nightmares because my eyes didnt know how to open
My screams of terror shook my bed, and i then i wanted to sleep forever
I couldnt ignore my fears because i was forced to do what i didnt want
I yelled
I screamed
I cried
I got angry
And then i wanted loneliness to be attatched to me all the time
I couldnt ignore my sadness because when my eyes were open, they always dried up my memories
Then the tears continued to run
Then i tried to ignore my mind because it all started when i was weak deep inside
I couldnt because i lost
I wish i turned back, and hoped i was more tough
It was like i was trapped; and then i was forced to ignore my conscience
I wanted to forget, but never forgive
I hated this monster that was trying to live
The more i tried, the more pain i received
So then i gave up to the point where i created harm under my sleeve
I grew so weak with fear
Then the fear took over my dreams
I grew so weak with worry
Then the worry took over my breathing
I grew so weak with anger
Then the anger took over my actions
I grew so weak with my sadness
Then the sadness took over my strength
I grew so weak with my mind
Then my mind took over my body
I grew so weak with my body
And then i saw that i instigated the pain

I wanted to find the proper answers
My questions still remain unanswered
My prayers were left open with no responses
Now my tears drown me forever
I went on my knees everyday questioning if there was another way
To change it all
To fix it all
To heal it all
But the time was small
I didnt know what it actually meant when i had to hide
I didnt know what it actually meant when i felt my soul die
I didnt know what it actually meant when i finally opened my eyes
I didnt know what it actually meant when i realized the truth wasnt a lie
Now it was the time i searched you but i couldnt see
Now it was the time i tried to talk to you but i couldnt speak
Now it was the time to try to hear you but i couldnt hear
Now it was the time to reach out to you but you were forced to disappear
I knew it was that time
That time for me to cry
That time to close your eyes
That time to say goodbye

I can zone out for hours and pretend that im ok
Until im shaken, im frozen
Until im moved, im still
Until im screamed at, my worries remain
I still think of those cuts made from a razer and a knife
I still think of those times when i wanted fight
I cannot forget those times i loved being alone
I cannot forget those times i loved my door closed
Privacy wasnt spoken about; i gave noone a choice
I shut the blinds before a stranger
I closed the window in front of my friends
I slammed my door on loved ones
And i welcomed my enemy that brainwashed my head
When i screamed, i harmed my voice
When i cried, i harmed my eyes
When i hyperventilated, i harmed my lungs
But when my thoughts didnt make sense, my brain was fine
Not understanding what hurt me but i remember how it ruined me
I was fragile when my strength was taken
Then my power was only inside my head
I remember who i hurt
I forgot who i was
I remember who i ignored
I forgot the person that i lost
I only knew fears, loneliness and bleeding pain
Deep down i tried to find a shield, a perfect stranger, and a bandaid

My memories of peacefulness has been erased from my mind
I have no way of getting back to the reality of life full of failure
I was drowned inside my body and then i wasnt living
I died inside my nightmares, then my dreams became a reality
I let go of myself and i slipped away
I fell through the cracks
And then i shattered into pieces that i thought would never break
I tied every knot tighter from my mistakes that were on a string
And then when i finally found the scissors,
Instead i cut myself from reality and the string had strangled me
On the ground i lay
I had fallen with no more pieces left to break
My body stopped working
Like a broken toy that got thrown out;
I didnt even care to get fixed
I gave it all up
The strength had left and the weakness forced itself in me
I didnt know how to use my lungs anymore
I forgot how to breathe
I didnt know how to use my mouth anymore
I forgot how to speak
I didnt know how to use my ears anymore
I forgot how to hear
I didnt know how to use my eyes anymore
I forgot how to see
I didnt know how to use my muscles anymore
I forgot how to move
I didnt know how to use my bones anymore
I forgot how to think
I didnt want to use myself anymore..

The weight is heavy against my body
I can feel my chest being pushed in
Its tight inside this little space
I cannot move; i can barely breathe
There was a cage that grew over me;
Locking me in
And hiding me
I wanted to escape but i couldnt find the key
I was trapped and i was lost
I tried pushing my way through but nothing moved
I just had no strength to move my own fears
Invisible pins pierced through my clothes
And then the wall waited for my body; i was pushed but i didnt fall
Instead i was held up with the strong forces, then i felt like i was being strangled
I had no way of breaking through
My strength broke when i tried to escape
There was nowhere to go
So i stood there feeling helpless
I breathed so deeply hoping my lungs would open wider
Instead i felt them being crushed
And then my heart was squeezed until i fell to the floor
I was feeling weak
No more wall was behind me
Instead i was pushed to the floor
Broken,
Shattered,
Bleeding until i couldnt take no more
Felt stabbed with invisible knives
Cut right open,
And ended the fight