Lawrence Hall
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Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                              A Roadside Snapping Turtle in April

If you’d spent the winter
Sleeping deep down in the mud
You’d be snappish too!

Drowning.
Thats the way i like it.
Swallow, and swallow, and swallow.
Drink after drink
The number you get, the better you feel.
Once the giggles come out, anything is possible.
From stiff as a stick to dancing like the leaves in trees when its windy,
From glum as a snail to happy as a dog,
All from the help of the magic potion.

it’s the gaping hole that never truly closes  
the gasping in the silence of the night  
awakened by the ache that comes  
as sudden and swift  
as the piercing cry of wails that rose  
when the man in white  
turned up at the door and painted the day  
the colour of nothing

I never understood the sentence
"I have my heart in my mouth."
Not until I tasted it,
not until I spit it,
not until the words got stuck in my throat
because I felt a weight on my mouth that didn’t let me breathe.

I didn’t understand the sentence
until I felt my chest empty
and its beating on my neck.
Until I cried because I couldn’t even talk.

I didn't understand what
"Having your heart in your mouth"
meant
until I found it there
and I had no one to turn to.