To the man from Colorado
who broke my heart,
you might think I am mad
but I'm just torn apart.

Someone like you shouldn't say
all that you did
to someone like me.

The words you would say
when doors were closed,
the smiles that were shared
all lies I suppose.

Someone like me shouldn't fall
as hard as I have
for someone like you.

To the man form Colorado,
who I can't forget,
you might think I am sad
but it's just regret.

Some people like us shouldn't meet
the way that we did
or the ways we didn't.

Some people like us are meant to fall,
just simply fall apart.

It's tragic, this love.

How I clutch to your lips
like the ledge over a raging river,
fingers slipping,
slipping.

How my eyes plead to you,
to pull me to safety,
into you arms,
into your eyes.

I plead for your words,
like a drought needs the rain,
my life needs your breath,
your heartbeat.

It's tragic, this love.

A cross on the side of the road,
a head stone amongst other loved ones,
is all we have left of a boy.
It’s all we have left of you.

More than a cross on the side of the road or flowers on a grave
you’re the sun that wakes me every morning
you’re the smile on the face of a laughing child.

There isn’t a day that goes by that you aren’t with me.
There isn’t a moment that passes when you aren’t on my mind.

Taken from us before we were ready,
but maybe you were.

I’ve prayed
I’ve asked God why.
He never answers.
I’m left to find out on my own.

Thanks for making me smile
laugh
cry
love
believe

Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the lessons.

didn't you understand
the first two times
but you kept coming back
and i kept letting you
even though i couldn't love you
i didn't want to be alone

didn't i understand
the first two times
i let you crawl back
and you kept trying to stand up
even though you didn't love me
you didn't want to be alone

I wanted to hug you
but it would have be unprofessional.
Four years,
we have worked together,
and I was finally able to talk to you.

You started to joke with me
but it didn't feel unprofessional.
You said,
'I almost didn't recognize you!'
and we walked along the canyon rim.

Every time out paths cross
my thoughts become unprofessional.
Your blue eyes,
make me dizzy and I get tongue-tied,
maybe that's why I couldn't speak.

I packed you a lunch since you forgot yours
and it didn't seem at all unprofessional.
You said,
'You've made me week!'
and the baked goods were all you could talk about.

I offered to make you a cheesecake for your birthday
and I hope our relationship gets unprofessional.
You said,
'We can trade beer and baked goods!'
and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Now I have to wait until April
and I'll try to be professional.
Believe me,
I still want to hug you
and I hope you call me for that cheesecake.

each step closer cracked the earth
dry, dusty breaths burned my lips
hot air seared my lungs

i can’t make it
i won’t

his eyes a deep, refreshing pool
cool breezes flowing out of reach
his smile beckoned like a rainbow

i can’t make it
i won’t

the sky is fire raining sparks
only he can quench my thirst
smoke pours from my mouth as i call to him

i can’t make it
i won’t

rain falls from his lips
my name a clap of thunder
his love a dark cloud

i can’t make it
i won’t

the cracked soil fills with water
mud rushed to my knees
skin sizzles in the flood

i can’t make it
i won’t

his eyes darken to mud
his arms raise the winds
his smile falters to lightening
water up to my neck
i lose sight of my oasis
i drown dying of thirst

i can’t

Use this town
as a stepping stone,
a way out.
Use this town
as a home base,
a rest stop.
Use this town
as a photo album,
a scrapbook.
Use this town,
get to know it
inside and out

then move on.

If you knew I wasn't over you
would you feel pity
or think I was weak?
You moved on before the seasons changed
and this new light is a harsh reality
casting shadows on this vacant pillow.
My eyes bleed tears with every sunrise
because I know your heart has left
and I can't bait it back to mine.

All the stars in the southwestern sky
couldn't add up to all the tears I cried.

When you walked away that February day
after three years we had shared
on a day meant for love
you proved to me you'd never cared.

When I saw you that chilly November night
nearly two years after that fateful break,
you had turned into something I hate.

Silence encompassed the space we occupied
and once again my heart cried,
shattered in front of you
I realized
I will always love you.

Do Not!
stare at me from across the room

Hide!
your arrant looks, at least try

Look Away!
there is nothing here for you

Boy, don't you know?
You had your chance.

You!
think you get a second chance

No!
find some other girl to play your games

Get out!
leave my heart to mend

Boy, don't you know?
You had your chance.

Waiting,
like the last leaf for the wind.
     Lonely,
like the lone tree in the field of wheat.
     Forgotten,
like the change on the floorboard.
     Distracted.
     Lost.
     Afraid.

     *Waiting.

these feelings, tiring,
(wanting, wanting, wanting)
these emotions, exhausting,
(lusting, lusting, lusting)
this smile, aching,
(wishing, wishing, wishing)
this desire, burning,
(needing, needing, needing)

When will the want stop?
When will the lust subside?
When will the wish be granted?
When will the need be fulfilled?

It's amazing how the little things
we shared
stay with me.

Our favorite show.
Our favorite band.
Our favorite restaurant.

It's strange how the little things
we shared
don't bother me.

Even though you broke my heart.
Even though I cried for three years.
Even though I you still haunt me.

It's different being without love
we shared
everyday.

But I'm moving past it.
And I'm finding I can love again.
And I want it to be with him.

When are you coming back?
I miss your smile.
I can't wait for you to unpack
I've been waiting quite a while.

I miss your smile.
There's something I need to say
I've been waiting quite a while.
If only I could find a way.

There's something I need to say,
I've heard about her,
If only I could find a way.
There's so much to infer.

I've heard about her.
All these feelings I conceal,
There's so much to infer
hoping they turn out to be real.

All these feelings I conceal
I can't wait for you to unpack
hoping they turn out to be real.
When are you coming back?

The way you smiled
the sound of your voice
the glint in your yes

when you said my name

sent my heart into a tailspin
stirred the butterflies in my stomach
caused my brain to stutter

When you smile
I forget you broke me
and I love you for a little while.

I've stored it in your memory file
things I love to see
when you smile.

To witness I'd walk a million mile
recalling what use to be
and I love you for a little while.

My heart seems to be in denial
I want another shot at us, at we
when you smile.

All the memories I can compile
seem to set emotions free
and I love you for a little while.

Although the ending was hostile
my heart and mind disagree
when you smile
and I love you for a little while.

Your whiskey eyes
drunk with lies
call to my gullible soul.

But to feel your touch
to want it so much
burns a hole in my heart.

When I smell your skin
I feel that I can win
over the love of a boy.

As the snow softly falls
drifting on the breeze
is a whisper
telling my secrets
repeating them back to me

Secrets
images of us
kissing in the cold
you holding me tight
keeping us both warm

Snowflakes on my nose
you kiss them away
I taste them on your lips

I can't stop thinking about you
why can't you be mine?
why can't we love?

We were both so good at talking
and avoiding all the topics
that had to do with compassion
You spoke of pop culture
I spoke of the outdoors
We never spoke of emotion

I think that's why I fell for you

We were both so deeply jaded
and bitter about the past
that we pretended it didn't exist
You spoke of high school hockey
I spoke of pre-teen gymnastics
We never spoke of fondness

I think that's why I fell for you

now i'm wide awake
thinking of your face
knowing it was a mistake

there was so much for you to take
you stole it with such grace
now i'm wide awake

more than hearts at stake
feelings wrapped up in lace
knowing it was a mistake

wounds left in your wake
never leaving any trace
now i'm wide awake

delicate moves for you to make
heartbeats begin to race
knowing it was a mistake

holding on for my own sake
letting to go due to haste
now i'm wide awake
knowing it was a mistake

You are the fuel to my flame,
gasoline meets a struck match.
I know I'm the one to blame.

I always fall victim to your game,
myself, from you, I could not detach.
You are the fuel to my flame.

Once we met, I was never the same,
fire burned the forest, the whole patch.
I know I'm the one to blame.

With your heat you took aim,
I was the easy catch.
You are the fuel to my flame.

With the roaring wind you did not tame,
you ran away with the key to my latch.
I know I'm the one to blame.

Your wildfire left me here in shame,
you were the itch I could not scratch.
You are the fuel to my flame.
I know I'm the one to blame.

Why
when the snow begins to fall
do I feel your arms around me?
How
many more winters
before your memory becomes buried?
When
will the avalanches of pain
finally cease and fill in the cracks?

Why
do the blizzards of memories
come back to me in frigid storms?
How
do i come out of it alive
when every winter I nearly freeze?
When
will my heart thaw
and let the icicles fall?

fading wintertime
blankets of white melt away
exposing cold earth

So many  opportunities for wishes,
11:11
shooting stars
birthday candles,

but here I sit
with you miles away,

so many wasted wishes,
throwing coins into fountains
breaking wishbones,
blowing dandelion seeds.

There you were (with her)
and there I was.
I didn't expect seeing you (with her)
would have this effect on me.

As you introduced your friends
I stood aside and watched them smile.

As you walked past me (with her)
you didn't stop to say hello.
Would it have been awkward (with her)
to acknowledge an old friend?

As the night came to an end
I realized it would never be the same again.

Because seeing you (with her)
brought back all these emotions.
So, tonight when you fall asleep (with her)
think of me falling into bed alone.

if i would've been the bigger person
spoken for myself
thought of just myself
been selfish
would you be here with me

if i would've thought about you
considered your feelings
asked your opinion
taken your advice
would i be here with you

I want to write a love letter,
send it flying,
anonymously,
into the wind.

Off the balcony of my hotel room
I'll send words from my heart
into the hands of a stranger
walking the streets.

They will read each heart felt line,
and believe the words are meant just for them.
For a  moment that stranger
will feel cared for,

because of the words I let go
into the wind.

What will I write about
if I fall in love?
I only know of lust,
of pining.

It gives me doubt:
what will I write of?!
Heartbreak turned to dust,
lights shining.

This emotional drought,
can I rise above?
Find in you some trust,
my silver lining.

It's a new route,
writing of love.
To try, I must!
No more whining.

Cigarettes on your breath,
your lips moist despite summer's heat,
they're not dry, cracked, or swollen.

Holding me close with your scent so distinct.

Your presence,
sending chills down over my body.
Just you, simple YOU.
That's all I need.

**YOU

You had to know how I felt,
everyone else knew.
Still you left you me crawling around,
blindly fumbling in dark rooms.

You had to hear me call out your name,
everyone else heard.
But still my voice became raw,
as my screams echoed across canyons.

You had to feel some of what I was,
I felt it when you laughed.
But the laughter paused for too long,
left a ringing in my ears.

You
I see
imagine
us together
we could be happy
developing the love
like putting together a
sentence for a story, but I
know you can not reciprocate all
the feelings I wish you were able to.

Untrusting.
You never called back,
You never want to see me.

You Never Called Back!

Nameless.
I'll scream to your face,
I'll give you a name.

*******!

You never ******* called back!
You *******.

I thought you would be different, but you're all the same.

I don't think about him
the way I think about you.

I don't wonder where he is
            who he is with
            what he is dreaming
            how he is feeling.

But you, oh, you.

You cloud my judgement
when I know you are bad,
so bad,
for this taped together heart.

He would never toss my love about
                            bring tears to my eyes
                            leave me alone at night.

But you, oh, you.

With your tantalizing eyes
                  dazzling smile
                  ignorance toward me.

Your apology has no effect on me.

I still loathe you.

To think,
that once,
I hungered for your approval.

For a while,
your words,
lingered in the scent of the air.

I could,
almost,
taste how forced your defense was.

Your regret hovers above our heads.

You have no remorse.

Your confidence overwhelms me
when you look at me
your eyes don't falter.

When your ego shows off
yes, I am impressed
and appalled in the same moment.

How can someone
with so much chivalry
be so weak?

I've noticed your lack of will
how your laziness drags you around
only leading you deeper into yourself.

Where your ego compliments itself
where your false bravery grows
and your confidence never falters.

It's all in your head
and I can see right through it
you can't hide anymore.

I could sit here and wait.
Wait for you to say,
what I've been wanting,
needing to say.

The best thing for me to do
right now,
is to leave you alone.
At least until I can speak.
Speak the words
that will be best understood.

Three little words,
from my lips,
would say it all,
but I don't think you're ready.

The dream is so vivid
so fresh in my mind
thoughts wander,
no where else,
but the memory of your eyes.
Pain in my chest becomes unbearable
because you're only a memory.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you met
late one night at the bar
who so easily let down her guard.

I am not
the girl you spent
the night holding so tenderly.
The girl you called
so pretty, so beautiful.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl with no defenses
has rebuilt all her fences
with steel, iron, barbed wire, voltage.

I am not
so easily bought
with pretty words, gentle kisses.
The girl who I am
would never let you in.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you like so much
doesn't want your touch
or anyone else's.

I am not
who you think I am.
I am independent,
fine with being alone,
taking care of myself.