you're so pretty it hurts
or maybe its the fact that i'll never be yours

dear santa
i want one thing
love for me
i would like you to bring
many don't know,
i'm lonely you see,
and i just want
some one to hold me
santa, i would like to meet
a pretty boy who's very sweet
a boy who likes to make me laugh
and has lot's of questions to ask
i would like someone with a poetic side
someone who has an affinity for the night
i just want someone to love me
thank you santa,
i can't wait to see.

and i saw
an angel
with a smile like
a heart attack
laced with love
with eyes like
the heavens
and hands
like magic
and a laugh
like everything
i ever needed

my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i keep thinking about the sky
but i can't go back now
remember what it was like
dancing upon the air
wind in my soul
cotton in my hair
i miss the hum
of distant planes
i used to be free
now i'm weighed down by chains
my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i fell from the sky
and lost all i found

It's late at night
And I hope you're okay
I wanna see you
Don't want to wait another day
I'm sorry you don't think that you look okay
Wish I could tell you I could look at you all day
Wish I could take you somewhere far away
And maybe there we would stay
Hold me close
And don't let go
And that's how I'll know
That you love me so
Arms round my sides
Pull me in
Softness as
You place your lips on my skin
The world to me
I hope you know
Darling never
Will I let go

To my only lover
I’d like you to know
That all those I times
I made myself hurt
I did it because of you

To my only lover
Despite your asking
Despite my lies
I did it because of you
I’d like you to know

To my only lover
The pain I felt
Didn’t feel like pain anymore
But it still hurt my heart
I’d like you to know that

To my only lover
I don’t regret it
I feel not a single drop
Of remorse
For what I’ve done to myself
I’d like you to know
It was all because of you

**** makes you happy
**** makes everything okay
It solves all your problems

I should sleep
But I want to write about you
My dreams of glass
Are dreams of you
Shattering threats
You could fall apart
Any second
I'll protect your heart
It's getting late
But I kind
Because I'm staying up
With you on my mind

a trembling child
a fragile heart
"handle with care"
he was labeled from the start
growing up
the tossed him around
rough words from dry mouths
the string was tightly wound
it was filled with cracks
band-aids and fissures
more fragile than a feather
lighter than a whisper
all he wished for
was for someone kind
to take it in their hands
and give it time
time to heal
so he could love
but to everyone else
he just wasn't enough

Love is beauty, and Love is pain.
Love is loving, even when you know you’ll get hurt again.
Love is life, but Love is death.
Love is fighting for someone, until your last breath.
Love is starving, to feed someone else.
Love is letting someone shine, even if you have to stay on the shelf

Sweet
Little
******
Boy
Let me wipe your face
Stand up
And smile
Your pretty smile of grace
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
You will be alright
I will hold you closely
And tell you in stories at night
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
I promise I will love you
And I swear
On my life
I won't let anyone touch you

Talking next to you for hours
Turning cigarettes into flowers
Listening to the cricket's song
Can't sleep, awake all night long
Thinking of your, your voice, your heart
Being away from you tore me apart
Dancing by the lake
Moon's reflections shattered
Darling, I will wait,
You are all that matters
Found a plastic bag,
filled it up with violets
Listen to the sound
Of forgetting the violence
Streetlights
And store lights
Wandering with you
Darling how
I wish I knew
What I mean to you

Tonight
Is dark
My breath
Is shallow
I should sleep
But I'm not ready
Ready to face my dreams
The truth in my nightmares
To be honest,
I'm scared
Scared of my own mind
Of what's inside my head

She felt as though her face was on fire and her face was on fire and she felt on fire and she wanted to burn.

every word you say
plays on repeat in my brain
until you tell me more
don't you worry
I'll keep walking towards you
even when my legs are sore
you call me obsessed
but you love the attention
i call you stupid
but i love your attention

she remains silent.
she is silent when the world is screaming.
she is silent while her soul is dying.
she is silent while she burns.
she is silent while the people pass by.
she is silent as he watches.
she is silent as he does nothing.
she is silent while she loves him.
she is silent while he loves someone else

darkness in my heart
flashing lights in my brain
the rise and fall
of your breathing
as you sleep next to me
i can imagine it perfectly
soothing my rapid breath
the warmth
of your chest
as your arms are wrapped around me
i can feel it on my skin
like it's real
casting my anxiety
far from here
thinking of your body
hands exploring
comfort in a familiar place
relieves the burning sensation
on my fingertips
lips on mine
pressing softly
petal soft
my favorite kind of dream
chases away
all my nightmares
hands in my hair
twisting my tresses
braiding with ribbons
calms my buzzing nerves
walking barefoot
in clear water
hand in mine
pacifies the static behind my eyes

let's die and stay dead

What did I see
Was it you looking at me
Or am I lying to myself
And storing up pretty lies on a shelf
Were you really smiling at me
Or are you lying to me
Am I thinking to much
Desperate for a touch
Is there something wrong with my mind
Or could you really take your time
To stay and lie with me
Stars and velvet and dark trees
Is this real
How I feel
Memories of how we used to be
Every single one is killing me
Ink on skin on skin
It was so easy to let you in
I miss you
The way you used to be
I miss the old words
Us and we

When the inky sky holds the sun
She'll pull him closer
The stars dancing in her hair
I'll slowly forget you
Even though I promised never to
I have to
So it doesn't hurt
At twilight
My thoughts
Turn to black velvet sky
Vast and star-lit
The night will kiss the sun
And say
I love you
Her eyes will shine
With her galaxy tears
And say goodbye
My memories fade
And I whisper goodbye
As you slowly disappear
From my mind

What
Have you done
But tear me apart
Little tiny pieces
Of my broken heart
A day
An hour
A second
A year
Darling
It's useless
This irrational fear
I've been waiting
For relief
From the pain
But all
You do
Is hurt me again

I'm burning up
It hurts too bad
Too much love
It's really sad
Cool me off
With your frozen heart
Too much emotion
is tearing me apart
I can't take it
My poor old heart
So much heat
I'm about to pass out
Rescue me
And pull me out
I know I can thaw it
That beautiful block of ice
You need some help
I can see it your eyes
Icy blue
I've got too much heat
Darling, you can take some from me

The poor boy
Had his heart
Taken away from him
His mother
Didn't approve
His lover
Wasn't his
She taunted him
His mother
Would beat him
"Brat!"
She called him
His not-his lover
Would cheat him
Of happiness
"****!"
She called him
Til he fell onto his knees
And wept
And said
"I can't take this anymore"

I'll never be recognized
For who I want to be
No one will care about me
For the things I see
The beauty in my words
No one really cares
None of my efforts
Really compare

Monday, 9:36 p.m.

Cast the stars
Upon an ocean of ink
Twinkling
And fizzling out
Or lighting on fire
Like memories
Of mistakes

Time to see
If today will make me buckle
With tears
Or bubble over
With joy

****
with a smile like that
you could get away with ******

your absence
is like a wound
made by
the moon

A cool gust of wind
In a once inhabited shell
Candles blown out
From a pair of ghostly lips
That feel ghoulishly similar
To the ones that once touched my own
Left in the dark
Like I was years before
Time and time again
Overwhelming fear is breathed into my lungs
Shivers climb down my back
As if traced by the delicate fingers of an apparition
From a past that haunts me
A voice murmurs in my ear
Sweet nothings a cruel reminder
Of a love that froze me in my place
Slowly turning each corner
Stepping one in front of the other
Twisting hallways lead me to the darkest chamber in my heart
I look for myself in a pulsing mirror
But all I see
Is you

oh, don't act so naive
how ignorant you pretend to be
the lies you tell for just one kiss
you remember what they told you was bliss
to tell the truth i wish i was like you
i want to be happy, too

As crystal clear tears rolled down her cheeks,
The stars glimmered and shined in her presence.
The flowers bloomed for she was their sunlight.
She lay silent, waiting for the sun to rise, so the warmth would dry her tears.
But it never came.
For she was the sun of the wilderness around her.
So it was forever nightfall.
The girl continued to cry.
Her tears made more stars.
Her quiet sobs were the essence of the flowers and trees.
The animals tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t let them, for when she did, the animals would burn, for she was the sun.
The girl was a girl, but she was also a caretaker, a mother, and a sun to the woods.
And she cried and cried.
For she was the sun.

My eyes
Politely ask for sleep
It pains me
But I must decline
I have things to do
Places to be
But I also would like
To stop and dream

I love the way you smile
And I'd like to stay a while
But it's really hard to know
If I should stay or I should go
If I should love you even more
Or if I should let you go

I love you
I think I need you
I don't believe you
When you took speak
Your mind

Say you love me
Even if you don't
Say you want me
Promise you won't be alone

Darling I wish you would stay
Darling I'm going insane
Darling we're playing a game
Darling love me without shame

i'm at a loss for words
when i think of you

you fill my flesh
with warmth

i can't remember
when i knew
an entire group of people
who were pure
i'm not talking about
people saying ***** jokes
those ones are the best
i'm talking about the cruel people
the ones who hurt
who cause pain
for fun
maybe
the world is cruel
or maybe
i'm just easy
to hurt

in your shadow
i see roses bloom

So
Controversial
So I want you?
Do you want me?
Thinking of you
Thinking of me
Drives me absolutely wild
Watching you
Watching me
Makes me wonder
What do you want?
It's kind of dark
When you think about it
How lonely it is
Inside my head
But when you're there
It's like
The world
Gets brighter

I found a piece of glass in my bed this morning
Perhaps
My dreams
Were meant to bleed

without you,
          i can't seem to do anything
                                               but
                                                       f
                                                         a
                                                           l
                                                             l

                                                               a
                                                                 p
                                                                   a
                                                                      r
                                                                        t

is this a joke
you're kidding me
right?
you're lying
you don't
love me
right?
you're messing with me
you're trying to make your friends laugh
just another funny story to tell
right?
i don't understand
this is
fake
it has to be

welcome
to the city of night
devoid
of all kinds of light
stars
twinkle but not very bright
eyes
see without sight

welcome
to the city without sun
count
but now there's only one
start
but soon you'll be done
hide
but soon you won't be able to run

i don't really know why
i let myself believe in lies
i know you kinda love me
but i'm still kinda scared
i'm ready to love you
but i'm still not prepared
i've got three months until it's all new
three whole months til i see you
i wanna be yours
want you to be mine
sick of feeling lonely
kinda wish i was high
i miss your watermelon vapor

if i held your heart
in my hands
i would kiss it
and hold it to my chest
i would give
you mine
and all
of my time
and i wish
you'd hold
me dearly

I’ll watch you
Passing by on your cloud
Waving at me
Tears like rain, pure and loud
I’ll say hello
One last time
As you feel relief
For once in your life
No more heat
When your wrists bloom red
No more pain
When you get stuck in your head
No more pressure
From behind your eyes
When you hold it all back
Trying not to cry
You gave it all to me
When you cut your ties
You gave it all to me
When you decided to die

it's morning and i'm awake
count up all my pills to take
eyes are bleary
bones still weary
but it's morning and I'm awake.
no breakfast for me
no coffee or tea
i'm still tired
wish i was wired
i'm running late
for a not-very-important date

and my darling,
i cannot wait to your face again
after so long
the lips
i wish to kiss
the hands
i wish to hold
the hair
i wish to muss
i will be back soon
i promise you

I'm lonely
Wish you could hold me
I'm tired of boring
My feelings are storing

I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll lose you
I'm afraid that I'll love you
I'm afraid that I'll hurt myself

I wish
I wish I was okay
Wish I had something
Wish you would love me

There's something about the way you smile
That lights my heart on fire
With a flame that shines through my eyes
The way you laugh
Fills my soul with content
A lazy smile
Stretches across my face
When you look at me
I can't help but feel
Worth it
Like I could be
The love of your life
You give me butterflies
When you say my name
And I feel
Real
Emotion
And I know
That I'm in love with you

i feel d r a i n e d
after i cry
but so full
of false things
l i e s  i tell myself
to feel better
b l e e d i n g  i watch
i watch people r u i n themselves
And it hurts
it h u r t s
I hate it
how c r u e l  the world is

I yearn to rest my eyes
Blanket them with my lids
Sleep deprived
I miss the night
I'm tired
And I know you are, too