I remember the exact day and the exact time when you made the choice to get involved in my life.
I remember the first words you said to me, in person and online.
I remember how we would stay up all night, just to sleep in all day because we thought everything was more exciting at night.
I remember that you were the first person I'd talk to when I'd wake up and the last at night.
I remember telling you that I thought I was a mistake and you told me how I was perfect in every little way.
I remember where I was and what I was doing the first time you ever said "I love you."

I remember when you decided to leave for two weeks.
I remember when those two weeks turned into two months.
I remember when you came back and promised to be "moderately present."
I remember that to me, it seemed like all you wanted to do was get high.
I remember that you became to busy for me.
I remember that it seemed like you were my entire world but I was just tiny peeble in your hand that you liked to play with.
I remember exactly what I said to you on the last day we talked.
I remember when we stopped saying "I love you."

*-c.a.

we don't talk anymore
i don't really know why
we just kinda stopped trying
i guess it was too good to be true
and all good things come to an end.

*-c.a.

I've been spending a lot of time on tumblr so it got me thinking a lot about who I am and who I'm becoming.

I've learned that wearing certain clothes because everyone one else wears them or because someone will like them is pointless because you will feel uncomfortable.

I've learned that piercings and tattoos are a personal preference and that it's your body so you should be able to feel free to express yourself.

I've learned that love is love no matter what.

I've learned that things over the internet can hurt you and feel just as real as in real life.

I've learned that a mental diseases and mental disorders doesn't mean you have to be treated differently as a person but it also doesn't mean you need for help should go unnoticed.

But the most important thing, in my opinion, that I've learned that by being yourself is the only way to true happiness.

*-c.a.

My dearest love,
You have to be strong. You can't break down. When all the troubles and burdens of the world pile onto your shoulders, do not let your knees buckle. Remember proper posture, you must keep your back straight. Slouching adds to back ache. Remember my darling that no task is too mighty for you. For if it was given to you to do then that is what you must do. Don't forget about your heartaches my love, because that pain will become a dull reminder that you can always do better. See boys are nothing special until they notice that my, you certainly are special. And remember honey, don't drink with your friends. You must be the sober one to hold their hair back. I know that sounds like no fun but when it's a matter of life or death, you'll be glad that you are.

*-c.a.

Sometimes I get a little bit cynical
with all this critical
thinking.

My brain is spinning out of control
with the thought of
self-destruct-ion.

My music is my only savior from
this night that wants to
swallow me whole.

1,
2,
3 am and
I should be asleep
My heart is pounding in my stomach
My lungs are in my legs
Everything is backwards in my head.

*-c.a.