i suppose i'm lucky

i have wonderful, supportive parents
i have a community of scattered friends who are all just like me
i'm not getting kicked out of my house
i'm not getting death threats

i can come out
hell, i've come out to a lot of people

yet,
i still feel trapped

whenever i come out

and most people don't understand
that i have to come out almost every day

whenever i come out
i need to explain myself

pan? how's that different than bi?

it's very different, but people feel the need to tell me
just how invalid my orientation is

and then i'm caught in a very complex gender debate
with a person who thinks its merely as simple as
** and XY

pan? they don't even know what pan means

and they judge me
they judge and judge and judge

people i've known for my entire life,
my chosen family,
they judge too

my brother?
my twin brother?
he judges too

and all of you?
do you ever wonder why i never write
just one of my cheesy love poems about a girl?
or a non-binary crush?

no, you don't wonder
you assumed i was straight

and i don't blame you  

i thought you would judge too

Sometimes I wonder
If you really do remember me
Remember the beautiful poems you once wrote me
I thought they were so special
I thought we were so special

I know it might be weird
Or cheesy
But I still think of you
Its been 2 years now and
The only way I know how you're doing
Is by reading your forever cryptic verse
On a flat screen

Sometimes I wonder if you miss me
Like I miss you

If you wish things could have ended differently
Like I wish most days

I wish I wasn't so mad at you at the time
I wish we could have at least stayed friends

Poetfreaks gotta stick together

You were once my best friend and confidant
And now I barely know you

Sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream

Sometimes I remember that I thought
You were the love of my life

Sometimes I wonder if I still love you

You're the one that got away,
But your poetry's giving me deja vu

the worst part of love
is the falling out

the moment where you get off the ground,
dust off your clothes,
take a deep breath,

and admit:
"i fell for him"

key word being fell

cause the falling's over
and reality's begun

picking myself off the floor,
heart in my hands,

the flint is dull and
sparks haven't flown
for too long

I know a rather eager girl named Grace,
Who falls in love at a very fast pace.
When a guy says hello,
Just watch Grace go,
And see her fall right onto her face!

"hope is the thing with feathers"

in the way you make me feel
like i could rise above this earth
and launch myself into the stratosphere

in the way you make my heart
flutter and patter
and wiggle around in my chest

in the way you send
sensations up and down my whole body
straight through my extremities

"hope is the thing with feathers"

when you so much as look at me
and i cannot help but feel
the unmistakable ruffling
of the thing with feathers

she walked in with such a glint in her eyes
and you walked in with a hidden smile on your face

you got your food
and immediately plopped down next to her
as if there was no where else you ever belonged

we had a group discussion
about things that don't even ******* matter

while you two shared tiny inside jokes
and conversed like it was only you both
that could hear

we walked out of the hall
and you two walked ahead
alone
hands swinging
occasionally touching
eyes shining with
something

you thought i wouldn't notice
the lingering glances
and whispered stories

and how you follow her around
like a lost puppy
looking for a treat

and how her face lights up
like a ******* christmas tree
when you text her

she exhales a tiny
"awwwwe"

and i know you've told her
something so characteristically sweet

and how she's so eager to respond
like she's been waiting to do it
all day long

and how she changes around you

and creates a personality
just for you

like how she flips her hair
and pouts her lips

and says dumb things
only so you'll explain them to her
in your adorable awed smart voice





how she gave you your first kiss last night

how you didn't think i'd see
you bending your neck
leading your hands to frame her delicate face


my once delicate face
crumpling in the stale silver moonlight

staggering home

and sleeping just so i'll
forget for once
that it was her
and not me

gentle smiles
holding open the door
so many band shirts
craving his graphing calculator
extremely complicated physics
low smooth singing voice
curly hair i just want to touch
kind observant eyes
noticing everything (even the things i always try to hide)
asking me if i'm okay (he always knows when i lie)
insisting i'm pretty (especially when i'm down on myself)

(apparently, my romanticism is a turn off)
(i'd stop being a romantic for you)
(i'd do anything for you)
(if i could kiss you)