I see through that deathly daze of yours.
I see the opportunity,
The regret, the heartache, the gratefulness.

You told me that you weren't sure,
If you are happy you get another chance,
Or sorrow-filled because it isn't over.

Those words broke my heart.
So I left this whitewashed room,
Of demonic devices,
And went to my car.

I wasn't sure what I was doing,
So I sparked this cigarette,
Put it to my lips,
And let everything go.

I looked crazy, I could tell.
Punching my steering wheel,
Crying like you were in a meeting,
With the coroner.

I opened my glove box,
Saw my antidote,
And swallowed.

I dried my sorrows,
Picked up my hope,
Locked my insanity in my car,
And slapped this smile back upon my face.

I couldn't let you see me like this.
I couldn't let you see how upset I am,
Not with you, but with your decision.
You have enough on your mind.

I return back to Hope's deathbed,
Give her a smile to assure her I am fine,
And crawl into the bed next to her.

Back to reality, I sink.
Only to be stolen from sobriety.
It's easier this way.
I feel nothing.
I'm numb.

Numb as usual.
But this time, body matches soul.
And not another tear shall be shed,
For the worst is over...

And for us all,
Recovery commences.

I feel your love,
Yet your marksmanship is poor,
For towards me your love aims not.
Your intentions aimed elsewhere.

A past lover.
And I am not he.

Malicious Misery pushed you too far.
Too far this time.
Your life is precious to me,
Yet a treasure you seek not.

It dwindles within these machines,
Like a strand of seaweed.
Being crashed upon by the waves,
Of this poison you endowed yourself with.

Much a tragedy this is.
Yet not that of Shakespeare.
No, this much too real,
To take a form of fictitious imaginings.

This, much more complicated,
Than a Shakespearean masterpiece.
For if so,
Your love would be aimed at I.

But it is not,
And in resent, I mourn this tragedy.
Yet, I must let love,
Travel upon its everso hellbound path.

My eyes lie upon thee,
And my heart within the feeble hand of yours.
Yet your mind lies elsewhere,
And your desires lie with your mind.

Upon he.
The one currently at your arms reach.
The one at your desires demand.
The one you truly love.

I must not resent this,
For love hath struck thee as it struck I.
And Cupid's arrow hath stuck he as well.
I can see it in his sorrowful stare.

He loves you in a way that I cannot.
A consentful love.
For I am just a scapegoat.
Temporary.

Well now you've quenched your desire.
You've acquired what you sought.
Love of he.
(And I, for whatever its worth.)

His love is a precious gold,
And mine a mere coal.
Black, unwanted.
Only able to provide temporary warmth.

Pardon me for obstructing.
Love hath stolen my precious vision,
And wandered, I,
Into the meadow in which you hunt.

As a poor marksman,
Thou cast thine arrow of love upon me,
And realized I am but a scapegoat,
When the white stag is what you seek.

Once before,
you lined him in your sights.
But evasive is this mystical creature.
And once, he escap'd.

If your life so solidifies,
I shall replinish my vision,
Banish my love,
And obstruct thee no more.

Instead,
I must prosper in silence and patience.
Shun my hearts desires,
And let thee hunt.

I apologize for my inconvenience.
I shall groom each of your horses,
So that you may ride into,
The meadow of love together.

Hence, beware of hunters,
And wandering creatures.
Teach thine unsteady hand,
And this time...

Don't miss.

My eyes have betrayed me.
As these tears start to swell,
I cannot hold them back.
For I know you are not well.

Today you told me you have..

Cancer.

It reminded me of times,
When you used to be my hero.
Now I see all of that fading,
And the words echo in my ear lobes.

I remember when I was a boy,
Is follow you like a puppy.
And never before had I realized,
How I am so very lucky.

You are my father.

And you have...

Cancer.

I cannot describe this pain I feel.
I just tried to laugh it off.
But its rotting within my flesh and soul,
Yet still the word "cancer" brings a scoff.

Cancer...

How can this be that both,
Of my parents catch this disease.
Cancer.
How can one say the word with ease?

I know you'll be okay,
For your faith forever endures,
Everyday you pray,
And your intentions always pure.

Today you told me you have...
Cancer...

Today...
I begin my quest as a father,
Because no one else can feel the love,
That I feel for my younger brother.

Today you told me you have...
Cancer...

Today, my soul began to rot...
Along with my faith.

How is it that you of all people,
Catch this fatal foe?
Your faith in God is immovable.
You're the most virtuous person I know.

Today...
You told me you have...

Cancer.

O star...

How you mock me.
Away from earthly oppressions.
Safe, is thee,
Hung home in heaven.

I envy your distance,
From this place we call earth.
You feel no resistance,
No pain, and no hurt.

For your father, an immortal,
And your mother owns all.
You feel no torture,
Only wished upon when you fall.

O star,
How you mock me.

How dost thee shine so bright?
And if thou art blue,
You still emulate light.

I see the scars on your arms,
And I am resentful.
Resentful that they are not mine.
Resentful that I couldn't stop you.

What's mine is yours,
And what's your is mine.
Including the pain.
But I couldn't stop you.

I left you alone.
In my drunkenness,
I left you alone.
And I couldn't stop you.

My words and worries are useless.
Only the pain you feel brings you back.
I am useless.
Because I couldn't stop you.

I see them and I resent them.
I wish that could be my arm.
My pain.
But I couldn't stop you.

For I was too far gone.
I was too busy stealing my pain,
To recognize yours.
And I couldn't stop you.

I'm sorry...

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy is red,
The color of romance.

I envy your shirt,
It constantly gets to caress your body.
I envy your cigarettes,
Constantly at your lips.
I envy the words that you speak,
For they are much more beautiful than I.
I envy the ground you walk upon,
For I want to be the only thing pleading at your feet.
I envy your phone.
Constantly at your fingertips,
Caressing your cheek.
You speak into it,
And I hear "I love you."
I envy whomever lurks on the other side.
I envy your pillows,
Because I know you cuddle with them when I am not there.
I envy your necklace,
For it is constantly closer to your heart than I'll ever be.
I envy the medicine that you take,
For I want to be what takes your pain away.

You tell your tales,
And I am envious of your past.
Mostly because I am absent from your memories.

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy has no color.
Only silhouettes.

No love can compare to my love for thee.
Unconditional, everlasting, And rooted within my soul.

You gave up everything for us.
Dreams, sleep, serenity, true love.
All of it transformed to chaos.
A chaos that is eternal.
A chaos in which my name represents.

You carry a burden that non other could bear.
A burden that I am forever in debt to.

Stripped of love, the world had been,
Until the grace of your voice reminds me who I am,
I am your son.
As much your guardian as you are mine.

You gave me life,
Something none other could achieve.
Something I could never dream of changing.

Because of you, my faith prevails.
When I stumble, you catch me.
You put me on the path in which I stride.
You created everything that I am.

Through pain, sorrow, triumph, and bliss,
You were there to hold me steady.
You morphed me from dust,
You made me who I am,
Something that I take pride in.
Something that I hope, you too, can be proud of.

You are my creator and my fortress,
My shield, and my sanctuary.
None other could ever take your place.
For you are my Mother.
My one and only.
The one person who has been there since day one.
The only person who keeps me from losing who I am.

You are part of my soul,
From the deepest, most inner core.
We are bound by nature,
And by love.

You are my Mother.
My guardian angel.
My one true love.