You were the poison in my wine
And I drank it just to feel drunk,
To feel like I was alive
Because the best way to feel alive
Is to know you're slowly dying

I want to play with your hands
And teach you how to dance
I want to kiss you in the morning
When I can barely feel my lips

All sixty-two of my spinal nerves
Are screaming, pleading
"Don't get hurt."

I took a walk through the crevices of my mind
That made my stomach churn
And my eyes wander

I colored this whole page outside the lines
Just to prove you can't keep me in binds.

My heart is not
Broken
It's only beginning to
Grow

It was not a pleasure.
It was sin
It was craving
It was 3 a.m. false hope
It was thinking I'd be okay
It was midnight stars
And blurred vision
I was alive the whole time
But it was not a pleasure.