i often find myself dreaming of a place
with colorful skies
and stars on the ground,
with thousands of flowers
littered all around.

i hope to see caterpillars dancing among the leaves,
and butterflies flying out of the trees,
as well as fairies frolicking throughout the forest,
and a group of fish in a big city chorus.

i wish to only eat sweets,
and have gumdrop seats,
along with long licorice vines,
and silly string borderlines.

maybe even a boy so beautiful
the angels cry.

he can take me swimming in the lakes,
and on pop rock mining dates.

where we'll laugh,
and we'll cry,
but not worry at all.

and inexplicably, fall in love with one another.

too bad i wake up eventually

i know you're not real, but your voice is so vividly clear that i swear it's like a tiny person has made their home in my head.

and those moments where it feels like a shadow is gently tickling my bare back at night, i know these are not visions. i know i am sane.

when i can smell the scent of pine, and fresh mint, i know it's you. i'm not hallucinating! i'm not crazy! you're there! you are!

but i slowly began to realize those haunting calls, and subtle touches, and the faint scent of mint and pine, are not dreams. they aren't visions, or fantasies. but instead nightmares.

they are the memories you've whittled into my brain, slowly but surely ruining my sense of reality.

i really hope all those subtle glances
and soft touches were real
because if not,
i don't think i can survive it again

i've liked guys before, and i've thought that i was in love, but with you it's different. when i hear your name my stomach clenches so painfully, it needs a few minutes to recover. and sometimes i catch myself thinking of you, and how you seem to have the prettiest eyes i've ever seen. like i've always thought that green eyes were gorgeous, but yours are blue and god ****** they are ******* beautiful. i could stare at them all day. then there those times when i watch a movie and someone says something funny, i would think of how you'd laugh at it. you know, those laughs where you squeeze yours eyes shut tight, and open your mouth wide. those real, deep-bellied laughs that make me smile so ******* wide it hurts. sometimes during sad parts when the boy leaves the girl crying, i'd think of you holding me, allowing me to feel the warmth radiating off you. i hate you for this, i really do. i don't want to feel pathetic for pining over someone who will never love me, but no matter what i do, you always manage to creep right back up to the front of my mind. i wish love was easy, and i wish you loved me too. but i think thats what makes love so special. it teaches you to grow, and become a better person. it'll make you so ******* happy, and mind-numbingly sad, but then the other people you love will help to make it better. love is in everyone, and everything. and to me, you are my everyone and everything.

i just kept running until my heart was pounding against my chest like a prisoner trying to escape from his cell. i tried to take in air, but every breath shot a toe-curling ache throughout my body, then my fingers went stiff, and my posture fell slack. i kept running though, i just needed to get  to where i needed to go. if i keep running without a destination, then i'll be running forever.

i'm scared.

i could sit here,
and let the words pour out.

have the pain drip from my fingertips,
the memories,
of my first love,
and kiss,
and the day he first held my hand.
maybe i'll talk about when he left for her,
that other girl,who had a prettier face,
and a smaller waist.
i lost him,
i lost him to her and that hurts,
but i won't say anything out loud,
i'll just write it on here.

they did this.

they said that skinny is thin arms, a petite waist, and knobby knees. they labeled this as perfect, and those who don't thrive to look this way, are fat and ugly.

who gave them that right? who allowed them to stand superior to us all, and set standards? i want to know why i have to struggle every day and sacrifice my mentality just to look perfect.

i grew up watching the gorgeous actresses and models on t.v., and i saw that they had boyfriends and everybody thought they were beautiful. society labeled them as the body types we have to strive for.

there's that saying that "its my body, i'll do whoever i want to it."

but the thing is, it's not your body, it's society's.