leaving your mind crippled
and your body numb
fear hurts

i don't want to think about all the
what if's
and the
oh no's



i just want
silence

the feeling slowly creeps up my spine,
shocks my finger tips,
and edges into the inner workings of mind.

"try to distract yourself."
"you'll be okay."

i don't want words of wisdom,
i want the feeling of gut-wrenching relief,
that heinous piece of medal would give me.

all i'd have to do is sneak away,
and drag it across my flesh,
whilst thinking of all my inner and outer tormentors.

i'd finally have that feeling where everything stops,
and the only thing my mind would register is the pain.

you all say i'm better than that,
i'm worth more than my demons say.

but maybe i'm not,
maybe i'm perfectly content with not being okay.

rows of satin,
draped on trees,
the color of flowers and honey bees.

long, colorful dresses,
and bare feet,
music in the air,
and a table full of sweets.

the most important thing i need,
is not diamonds,
or flowers,
but a man,
a groom,
the one who loves me endlessly.

i hate you.

i hate every single little thing about you.

the way you laugh way too loud,
and smirk way too much.
the way you flirt with other girls,
and dress like a ***.
the way you are hilariously unfunny,
and just a tad bit to mean.
the way your hair is unkept,
and your room's never clean.

sadly, i'm mistaken.
it was once said there's a thin line between love and hate,
and i really don't hate you at all,
quite the opposite actually.

your kind of like a double negative.

always going back on your word,
never doing what your told,
loving me blindly,
and hating me clearly.