I gave you everything !!
I gave you my heart, I gave you my mind
I bared my soul to you, and yet it wasn't enough

I gave you my virginity, I gave you my love
I gave you the best parts of me
I gave you the worst parts of me,

Heck I gave you the ugly, dark, deep part of me.
The part that I lock up and keep buried, the part that I did not share with family or friends, the part that I do not acknowledge as being me. That I gave to you

I gave you my body, I gave you my life.
I gave till the tank was dry and I was running on fumes, caffeine and delusions

I stood in front of you naked and bare,
stripped of my clothes, my pride, my humour, even the wall that I had built to protect me was shattered.

My insecurity laid bare, my fear on show for everyone to see,
I gave you everything

So young, so naive, so full of love and hope

I gave you everything
Yet it wasn't enough

feeling spectacularly alienated
and being spectacularly different
are not the same thing

I was a mess, or, I still am.
But you loved that.
You loved the way my lips tasted like honey,
The way the sun kissed my tan skin.
I breathed summer air as if I was made of it and,
Well,
You fell in love.
I couldn't blame you,
I felt like a dream.
That was what I was, though.
When the sun set,
My skin no longer glowed,
My lips cracked,
The air in my lungs was cigarette smoke.
When the sun rose,
My hair shined,
My smile was bright,
My eyes were a brown-eyed honey pool.
As if the night didn't consume me,
The scars buried in my flesh were taken by the sun,
Returning me to grace the surface as a false advertisement of health,
Happiness,
Warmth.
I held the sun in my hands once,
Even during the night,
Until it was taken away from me.
The sun pulls my strings until I cannot dance any longer,
For the moon catches me in her gentle light,
Allowing me to bask in the unreachable moments of the day.

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

the moths ate holes
in the silk of my hands
your touch falls through them
like black volcanic sand