I smell like ***
Air heavy with the palpable heat of I-Cannot-Sleep arousal
Why do you have to be so delicious?
You gorgeous, bearded, mind fogging  *******
I rage at you from miles away
Crackling edges of my ire willing you to wake
The wet, slippery heat of my core begging for you to take a taste
To give relief
Strung so tight you could play me without tuning
Your deft fingers ringing such sweet melodies
In the soft silence that is all I have for a caress
My self-rung sighs speak volumes

You've got your construction hat on
The project funds long gone
Sunk deep into the frame
Laying before you

Steel cut. Sharp edged
Yet you see the beauty in these bones
Know what it's like to go it alone
Having only support beams
To keep your shape

Call it a draw
                   Don't call it quits  
No more use for that cement mix          
Weighing down the boots you'll pour it in
Cold drop. No sudden stop.
Sinking into ill dug culverts
Lapping at scarred shores

I've stood this long without
Now I need your help
To weather the storm

Soaking up the sweet, slow shine of summer
Basking in June's warm day glow
You remind me of innocence
Times long passed when I did not know the ache of loss
I find myself feeling guilty for loving you
Being happy
Even though I know the gone would wish it for us
I breathe you in my tie dyed lover
A vast array of rainbow hued passion
Spilt across my peaches and cream canvas
You go down easy like sweet wine berry wine
Late July before us twanging on mountain top strings
I'll be here while you sleep softly
Guarding a back that always has mine

What if it came with storm clouds?
Would it matter if I flooded the space between us with tears?
I look back, 20/20 pulling ******* sore edges
Sorry has a place but not here
My fingertips can feel the warmth of your wanting
Pulling away just like my heart did
Slow, methodical, intent to hurt
No amount of what-could-be would turn me
Even now my words are silent yet I do mean their weight
Whether you've got an oar or not is no matter
Shame lapping at your distant shore
At least I did not ghost you, no no
Much worse in my eyes to me
I pulled along a tug boat with a jet engine
Even while you struggled to be free

I am derelict
Heaven sent
Down in the puddle
With my eyes to the sky
I'll never forget the feel of your secret silk
As it slipped through my fingers
All of the light in the world
Captured between our parting gaze
Sacred soul fire raging
Then in a whisper dying out
Lucky me I kept the spark
Enough to keep burning
Long after you have been gone

I have yet to look you in the eye
Yet I know that gaze holds a galaxy within it's depths
Swirling hues of creation mingled with the spark of the divine
*What I would not give to feel your gravity

Smoky jazz music floats on air
Carried by the whispers of prohibition
Deep woods moonshine
Flashing smiles from pearls to cigar tips
Soft velvet red coating lips
Hiding behind champagne glasses
Their fresh diamonds sing of blood
I watch from the office chair
Wing backed, cushioned
Fit for a queen
Bayou queen with swamp water veins
Ebony skin like satin
Whiskey eyes that take it all in
I built this from nothing, hole in the wall
This is my town
You have to pay to play
My debt book is thick
Your names like a mantra I hum beneath the saxophone tune
I'll get my money
*Or I'll get you

Slithering smooth seduction spans synchronizing sacred satin sheets*

The letter S
Has much power over our hormone driven lives
*** and Sadness
Being two that drive us/hinder us
The most
Why not spiral out, keep going
See where the end takes us
Our comparison to every single thing that we know or have thought of
Is relative and personal
Each experience unique in that you experienced it
Speculation drives our curious natures to question
To create
*What will inspire you today?

I do not feel myself today
Stolen stunned sparkle sunned
Crystallizing adrenaline ***** hypertension maniac
Overwhelming in here. Crowded.
Always willing to be the first to jump
Potent love affairs with rushing wind and endless heights
Break apart.
Come undone.
Let go.
More surreal than tangible
Fading softly into the mist of kilauea
Great fire mother blessing me with the burning
Ablaze, a Phoenix from the flames, rising into the night
Bursting all over the constellations, adhering to the cosmos
Third eye open
Awed.
Amazed.

Many moons have passed
Since saying good-bye was all there was left between
Your fading heartbeat and my own
I dug a hole, filled it with months of sorrow
Almost drowning in the constant torrent
Winds of change blew through, turning face to sunlight
I miss you.
I will always love you.
But I must pull myself together.
You once whispered softly to me through a veil of tears
"Don't let this ruin you. Move forward and find happiness."
I am taking your advice
Creation has always been my greatest passion
I hope you will continue to inspire me Jeremiah
I am ready.

Letters roamed back and forth
Smelling strongly of desire and sadness
Traces of it remain clinging to their worn edges
Permanent black marker scroll dancing across lines
Waltzing seductively through my dreams
Pens slowed, life moving in, our choices setting adrift
The chaotic rhythm of our hearts
I cannot stay here settles on trembling lips
I have never said good-bye before, it was always See you later
With burning eyes and a lump in my throat I fade away
The last warthm in your eyes chilling as my hand slips from yours
So this is what it is like to crash land
Colors speeding past you in a rush of skydive adrenaline
Taking up the void that remained from your leaving
I will not condemn your freedom but ask in return that you accept
My Phoenix flame setting the night sky ablaze

I am sorry*

We shared those words today
I no longer worry about the shade of our hands
Come Dawn
Love still connects us
Bridge building is slow
Worth while to the persistent
To the patient
Compromise
We are not compatable through
Religion. Philosophy. The Soul.
However, for us, music still stands
Classic rock and 70's disco fever
High pitched BeeGee's
Crooning Zepplin while deer watching
That connection alone binds us
Much less the love of mountains
Cold lungs on frosty mornings
Hunting for dinner with bow, with arrow
I have missed you
Wasted time stretched between us
No longer
Happy Father's Day

I suppose I have stalled confronting
The true depth, true meat of the problem
I am missing.
Not a half or a whole or a part
The me that was with you
Is gone
I begrudgingly have come to aching terms with your loss
Only to wake up silent and still
Reaching for your warmth
Not every night but some
Those that hum that certain tune
The one that reminds me of you
I most admittedly am in mad, passionate love with life
Every passing cumulus cloud
The flood of mortalities wake
I will keep jumping from great heights
Feel of the fall only eclipsed by safe landing
Feet on ground
Reaching deep to find me again
The one that can handle the sting of your loss
I do not want to forget
*Only to remember

You creep, crawl and scuttle
Piloting drunkenly through my lamp shapes
Aimlessly, it seems, in search of shelter
Shell in shield shape, legs of prickle
I know your vast numbered presence harbors one of two meanings:
Spring has given life anew
               Or
*Winter is coming

This will not break me
I may posses a wooden heart
Which bobs along through tempest
And calm
But you'll never find me wrecked on the bottom
Weighed down
Fighting for air

I need no one's validation
To know that what I feel
Is real.

You came by the house last Tuesday
To give your condolences
Seems like everyone knows about the sorry condition of my heart
I was built strong, could hold up under a hurricane
But what do you do with a strong foundation when it's rocked by an earthquake?
My smile told you I was doing ok
Tortured eyes tell you something different
I could see the war on your face, in your ringing hands
Do I stay and sit with her in silence or walk away?
Just because I see in shades of gray does not mean I am blind
To the rich green of deep summer outside my doorway
Give me another week and I'll be fine
Something about my wavering voice tells other wise
Ready to know again the story of the sky and sun
Bringing life back to the dead earth
Awakening again frozen passages of my heart

I long for warm sand beneath my feet
This cold seeps deep into bone
I'm here for the darkness
Oh sun lover won't you come home?

The light from a Nordic sun
Casts soft shadows around your haloed skull
Blessed with the voice of God
Speaking through every crack you have let come loose
Your laughter ricochets off of glass screen
Thor's thunder in mortal form  
LED back lights highlighting your face in joyful relief
I am in awe
Across many landscapes our revelry roams
Making bold statements through electric edges
Slinging axe and sword for sport
Yet you gentle at a warm touch
Curling possessively around those you love
A protector unknown but always on watch
Your rough hands glide over plastic satin buttons
ahhh... such sweet music they make
Lulling me into a lassitude of comfort
Of good humor
Of lust
We are like children in our recess
Bantering from one side to the other with gauntlets thrown
Pick it up!
Gladly...then up the bar and throw it back down
Will it always be like this?
"I don't know"

I plan on sticking around to find out

Age old age old the golden rule is true
However I would alter it a little
To say "Do better unto others than they unto you"
You may find that you will be taken advantage
Used and abused
Do not let this bruise your spirit
For it is not only hope but you that you will lose

I have always been a giver, a maker, a wisher
Spilling out golden sunshine where ever I go
Lucky in love, zesty with life
I wear my happiness like a coat of rainbows
That's not to say I have not had my days
Where clouds threaten to smother
I just blow them away with what wind I have saved
Hopeful tomorrow will not see their cover

Sirens go off in my head
You stand before me once again
My thoughts racing, bright
I'm not the woman you used to know
Tripped and bruised under all these smiles
But you are counting on all of your old tricks
To make this go your way

You have another thing coming.

We both know I could rip you to pieces
While doing my nails
Your supposed charm and talent mesmerize
Those that cannot see through the ******* you have so neatly wrapped yourself in
*******
I am not easy sport, hanging off every word
May have been once
The romantic stars of believing everything you said dancing in my eyes
But I cannot see their flirting, winking lights this night
Instead your happiness soon turned to comfort
Discarded.
Leaving me empty and enraged

Saturated with midnight's palette  
I cloak myself in darkness
Moonlight tells the tale of too many dawns spent wishing for twilight
Every time I close my eyes I can still see your colors
Bourbon honey, the golden burst of your striated iris
Greek god glow, soft skin that reached for mine
Autumn's Burning Bush, our heated mouths, braided gums, eager tongues
Winter is tolerated
Varied other states of "now", avoided
This is the suspension of my grief
You lose a lover due to your choice or theirs
Possibility continues to grow between you
(one never knows until one does)
You lose a heart beat to silence
Hope only continues on for those left behind
(if the broken can piece back together)
That once promising soil now home to a bare spot in my garden
I still water your first phase flower
Knowing that I must preserve sufficiently
Color belongs with you
Shadows, with me

The radio has gone silent
No news across crushing blue depths
If whispers I cannot hear
I would give much for even a morsel
To know how you fare
Missing you
Wishing you well

Silence fell, the waves broke through
A whisper on soft wind
I will find a center in you
Pressure pulse beating rhythm to night time dreaming
I am left with the sobriquet
Always leaving
We are heaving, pulling moves from all directions
A solid stunt with clouds for vision
Unknowing of our fated predilections
The desire for something different, sings wild
Curved and copulate along fine lines
Dreaming bright colors vivid like a child
Urging to pull closer and keep what is within reach
Having no more power over the hours
*Than those that the stars keep

Crushing ache throbbing through flesh and bone
I burn for you
But to ashes and into the wind is all the air you have to give
Steady rhythms of tears and rain swallow quiet evenings whole
I cannot recover
There is no drug or cure for me
Although cloud 9 knows my name
Whispering softly against goosebumped flesh
Come to me. Give in.

There is no loss
Between the palms of our joined hands
Nervous dew turns strong holds slippery
I did not wait for you to walk away
To let my heart fall
The tender fountain of my youth
Slowly drying as days pass
Not wanting to let go
I hold tight, regardless of our sweat
Keeping you by my side

I do not know what it is like
To feel empty
Even in my darkest hour
That well of joy we each contain
Has not gone dry with regret
We pull ourselves from depth and shadow
Reminding that this too shall pass
It is only when the quiet comes
That I remember to clench my teeth
Grin and bare it
For every day is a blessing
Every minute a gift

My fingers itch to coast along your sensitive tips
Each sigh and tremor enough to make me remember
What spring sunlight feels like
After a long, dark winter

Ache.
I cannot explain to you what is left
All I know is that the emptiness remains
Waking up hollow, forlorn
Reaching for the comfort of your skin
The sheets lay cold next to me
Still folded, smelling like sleep and summer
I breathe you in deeply
Tears fill my tired eyes, I never cry
Nothing changes, everything stays the same
The quiet night is a constant reminder of what I lost
You got out before I could
Low clouds mope around gray, melancholy
Wishing for sunlight to burn them away
The memory of being whole prevents recovery
I turn over and allow dreams of other dimensions
To take hold and spirit my soul to you

You are gone*
Constantly on my mind
Digging deeper across the rough edge of this wound
I stay high all of the time
To get away, even then you meet me there
Soft smiles instead of tears grace my face
Wearing it down to the sunny bones of my soul
I always go home alone
Bed empty with the cold ghost of your weight
The sheets, washed over and over
Still smelled like your good morning sighs
Now they linger with the cloying perfume of goodbye
Stressed and stretched to the point of breaking
I tear down and rebuild daily with the dawn
Using the thread from your memory to sew the pieces back together

I had that good good muscle ache take me down to easy town
Kind of night
3am rolled around all cranky and late but willing
That's the way these hills, these hour glass valleys
Keep time
I'm wearing red, hoping for a charge  
Raging bull going in for the slick slit ****
Right there.
Always tasting like a new adventure
Each touch feeling like home  
Blood rushes to flushed cheeks
Just... a... little... more
Gold coin electric pulse scatter on the cobble stone streets of my soul
I can feel each cold edge bounce  and echo
Ting Ting Ting
Body clenching and unclenching in tune
Mouths fused, wet with honey
Sweet with a sting
I cannot get enough of this running
*A hunger beyond thirst, for this love

Summer strips
Fading slowly into Fall's fantastic wardrobe
Of chill kissed edges
Burgundy so rich you can drink of it deeply
Flaming orange who's heat you can still feel
Corn stalks as high as my daddy's shoulder
Who's height I crooked neck at to gain eye contact as a child
They sway gentle in late August breezes
I dance to the melody of their ripe harvest call
Apples hang heavy on juice laden branches
September slides down my chin like July watermelon
Both leave a 6-year-old's grin
And the knowing that soon all will be sleeping
Naked at midnight in January
Frost forming on lit windows
I wish I too could hibernate

There is kinetic energy
Shaping around you and me
Lengthening our edges of
Passion's high held ledges

Blowing candles
Twenty and nine
The supposed last joyous year of youth
I still feel 12

Many sorrows
Many great blessings
Ribbon together in bright May pole colors
This beautiful weaving of my life
I wear it close, this art work
For even the tiniest of words
Have effected it's pattern

*Our age should mean no more than acquired wisdom
Like fine wine we sip on memories
I am no different
A toast to you Birthday Girl
Make a wish for me

You

There are so many words I could pull out of my fingertips.
Passion that fills my lungs
Shadowed *** filled air breathing through me
Waking up that sleepy side that never knew
The heated intensity that you've always called to
Soft lips and sharp teeth capturing your need
******* and biting it into an inferno

I want to go down in flames together

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end of our elaborate plans
The end of ev'rything that stands
The end

No safety or surprise
The end
I'll never look into your eyes again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need of
some strangers hand
In a desperate land

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the king's highway
Weird scenes inside the goldmine
Ride the highway West baby

Ride the snake
Ride the snake
To the lake
To the lake

The ancient lake baby
The snake is long
Seven miles
Ride the snake

He's old
And his skin is cold
The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here and we'll do the rest

The blue bus is calling us
The blue bus is calling us
Driver, where you taking us?

The killer awoke before dawn
He put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall

He went into the room where his sister lived
And then he paid a visit to his brother
And then he walked on down the hall
And he came to a door
And he looked inside
Father?
Yes son
I want to **** you
Mother, I want to...

Come on, baby, take a chance with us
Come on, baby, take a chance with us
Come on, baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me-aca

Son, women (sigh), women are a kin to the ocean
Riding the currents of their emotions
Through cold and warm
Swelling, ebbing
Pulled by silvery moon
To navigate their shifting tides
One must be a patient sea captain
Hurricanes and tempests may steal your hope
Hold fast! Secure the rigging!
Listen to the wind though, my son
Her siren's song will guide you through to safe harbor
On those days when you reach calm waters
The aches she soothes in your soul
Will be worth any perfect storm

You have not posted since mid-year of 2014
I search your name with bated breath
Hoping to see something new that I was  not privy to
Your fingertips have not been idle
Their vibrations sending morse code
Through the miles of separation
That always seems to span between us

Rose petals like love letters crinkle around well loved edges
The sweet scent of their memory still saturates my senses
I miss you more than I could ever articulate
Each nerve ending longs for just a whisper, a touch
Occasionally I stumble across old recordings of your beautiful voice
Now only in dreams do I witness
Soft movements, tender touches
Waking with aches and pains that only you could ease
A well painted visage fits perfectly over the sadness
Aglow with sunlight and smile veneer seals solid with coarse tears
I keep hidden what I cannot hide

Gray dust of frost
Tips green with sharp edges
Warm puffs of breath dissipate quickly
I am silent. Still.
The whisper of wind through bare tree tops
Squirrels bark at Blue Jays that steal
My heartbeat quickens as I catch the snapping of twigs
Rustling of leaves is music to my ears
Soon a smudge of brown
Different from the rainbow of neutrals this forest reflects
Moves steadily towards me
My tree stand height is perfect
The kick from my shot gun will be welcomed
An extension of myself wielded
To fill my freezer for these coming months
Of darkness

I had a dream last night
That we, Humans
Evolved without vocal chords
In the near distant future
Due to our advancement in technology

(it will be here before we know it)

Cars already can read our eye focus
Pretty soon they'll drive us home
Social responsibilities fall tragically short
With robots watching our children
While adults go out to play

Our communication skills dwindle
Abilities to talk heart to heart
Eye contact
Conversations over dinner
Are limited to blank boxes
Black text
Our once brilliant colors, faded
I feel this disconnection
Heading back to nature to heal
What I know not how to fix
Besides to spread love, laughter
Especially kindness
With every step