Dirt and rubble clog the passages of my heart.
A wasteland cursed with empty skies.
Bleak, oppressive.
Yet we wonder ever forward searching for the calm night.
Embrace the darkness.
I can smell it clinging to you.
Around your hipbones stars circle.
Constellations foretelling supernovas spiderweb my palms.
Stay awhile.
Play awhile.
Digging through only for you.
Calling me. Falling free.
We are the byproduct of concrete love letters
Vicious and exposing, hands always empty but outstretched
Hollow
We become see-through pale once more

She walked through the window
Stumbling and reeling
I called out to her hollow
Have a care for the ceiling!
She turned bleary eyes
Smiling crookedly at me
Her face one of several
At the same time three
Amber liquid in a crystal glass
Sloshing over the brim
The newly mopped floor
Whispered sternly and grim
We are only watchers here
Sitting silent and long
As rocks often do
Listening  to a  stream's running  song

In a sea of faces
Your eyes would be my anchor

Whether I wake up to rain
Or the sun in the east is not yet born
Waking up next to your smile
I am always warm

The subtle slip of your honeyed grip
Fell softly from my anchor
I felt my heart go free, my body leave
The taste of loneliness left it's rancor
Now stars and seasons pass swiftly
Aging lines into easy game
Despair stunned, hot metal gunned
Memories ease the ache of this frame
On down this river I float cold, still
I wouldn't know the light
Tender limbed, my thoughts blend in
As youth flees it's desperate fight
We let our boards warp from lack of care
Mindless in our neglect
Yet hope still gleams between our beams
If forgiveness we choose to elect

There is still a softness here
Hidden along my laugh lines
Occasionally reaching my eyes
Allowing you a glimpse of what could be
Regret. Life taken too soon. Grief.
All of these have hardened me
Where there was lightness sits heavy
Bones of birds now steel
Molded Osmium to once pliable exterior
Replaced constant sun with drifting shadow
Yet all of this is still me, my spirit unchained
Unchanged
To want me is to accept all parts
Regardless of their weight

He had a heart of stone
Strangled by thorn and shadow
Halfway into the night already
Consumed by the need to feed
No spirit could fill him up
Searching for his well spring
Their blood was twisted but destined
A light to keep the age of gods warm
He could sense her close
Summer honey suckle over powering the tang of sea salt love letters
She calls to him from across the sea
His heart answers in mournful melody
The fear of never knowing her touch 
Haunts him well into the dark
Waking fitful and drenched 
Her name a whisper in the blackness on his desperate lips
He wonders if she suffers the way he does
Questing always for clues to her capture
He will find her
No matter how long it takes
No matter how far
*He will find her

There is no ancient living here
No holy
Just the only
Sparking flies of fire twinkling against twilight
I breathe in the exhaled breath of late spring
Feeling full but light all in the same motion
New moon cast no shadow here but I can still see her's
Outlined by star shine the gravitational pull of the divine
That lies within us all
The rains keep falling so that the air is tangible
A dancing partner when I thought I was alone
Feet fall in squishy patterns against grass that should still be forest
I hear their call, the wildlings
Wolf howl. Dove Coo. The slithery slither of night time creatures.
Spinning in circles through the darkness
Wishing I could but take their form for a moment and run free
Break apart from the day to day pressure
Of what is expected of me
Focus on the fire fly dance
Just keep spinning

The dearly departed
Leave us broken hearted
Empty but for memory weighed space
Our love lost in time
For yours and for mine
Never forgetting their silence graced face

I write you out
Give voice to the silence
I would talk about it out loud
An injustice though, for those unfamiliar
With loss
You hear the words
But do not feel them
Cradled arms hold close and tight
To memories full of soul deep and light
You brought so much joy
Jeremiah
Your name still feels whole on my lips
Life is always a stage
Some would say yours was a tragedy
I know better
An epic drama full of love, adventure
Comic relief
When the despair becomes unbearable
That is what I cling to
My oasis amid drought
A light house beaming bright
During storms raging against rocky shores
I'm still afloat with our laughter
I'm still afloat

Sweet sweet mercy
You've got all of my serotonin receptors going crazy
Firing haphazardly from one side of my psychedelic nerve endings to the other
In synchronized ******* bliss
Your affection splashes in prismatic colors
Reflecting sea breezes, night skies
Too tight ribs barely contain
Unable to handle my wrecking ball heart
Throb
Breaking down these rainbow stained walls
Please
I gotta get out of this skin
The sharp edge of your butterfly kiss
Will do nicely
Alice in Wonderland style
Curiosity often leads to trouble
Inked permanently across your tongue
I want a taste
*Just give me one taste

I would like to say that our parting was just sweet
No sorrow
I must admit differently against the secret dark hours
Whispers holding the shape of your hallowed name take form
Merely caressing our true connection
Distance. Time. Neither hinder
This intense passion that still lingers in every beat of my aching heart
Ravenously reading your every slipped word
I wonder if even between lines one or two are just for me
A gypsy heart longs to wander
Roam each peak and fjord in search of feeling
Even Skathi's January chill cannot bank this fire inside of me
Burning ever brighter for you
Lay me down gentle but pull me hard, unyielding
Your Nordic blessed eyes speak volumes  
Devouring.
Warrior curved mouth against soft, blushing skin
I want to know what it feels like to be loved by you
Giggles, childhood memories, deep sighs into the wee hours
*What I would not give

An empty room seared into memory
It once held your breathless form
I listened to that heart go silent
Crying wet, hiccuping tears onto your heated skin
I cleaned you up, kept you warm
Tried desperately hard to shut your eyes
Knowing that you would never smile with them again
I cannot say for sure if you heard us
Your father breaking down through the speaker
Mitchell, your best friend, sobbing through the phone
I held each call gently, wishing not to cause you more pain
My voice softly singing the song we danced to at our wedding
The stark, violent feeling of your loss
When you were finally free'd from your mortal prison
For you that word took on a whole new meaning
I have never been so proud as the day when you made me yours
But watching you, fighting along your side
To not give up
Even to your last ghost of thought
I was even more so
Left with an aching dark moon
A dead sun
No light to reflect off of my screaming face
I grieve in darkness
Where I can still feel the weight of your  hand in mine

He ripped it open
He pulled it tight
Softness eluding
Absorbing light
He escaped in mourning
He swiftly returned
Partially healed
Mortally burned

I still dream of you
Walking softly through carpeted hallways
As to not wake your daughters
Checking on them in slumber

Warm eyes would greet mine come morning
"Well hello there gorgeous."
Forming across those kiss hungry lips

I see pictures of you
Whisked back up in that moment
Tears fall, chin trembles
All I can hope for is your comfort
I cannot be selfish, wishing you home
When pain was your constant companion

Though, love played a huge part too
I could not ease the ache your mortal form was cursed with
Your soul, however, sought out my touch

In my old age that is what will shine bright
Amid years and years of faded shadows
The memory of your smile
*The sweet taste of your love

There was always much more
I should have, could have
Held against you
Weekends left watching cartoons
When sitting on your lap
Was all I needed
Hours of listening to shot gun conversations
Mostly trash about my mom
You know she struggled 26 hours to push me out
Without a **** I was useless to you
"You don't need flowers do you?"
A statement, no question
As you walked out of the delivery room
I have no pictures of you holding me
Many scars for the times you did
We talk every few years
They pass by like blinking
Sleeping
I hear your methadone laced voice
Far off echo's of bedtime stories
Summer afternoon's next to the river
Your laughter bouncing off fish scales
I miss you.
This bridge between may be burned
Your body sick with disease
Tired with age
Lucky for us I excel at the breast stroke
I don't want to wake with nothing but
Your memory floating
On the surface of my childhood

Got this ache
Ooh sweet fire, burning me down
Wrapping hot silky wet around all of my sharp edges
You make me feel like a hot house orchid
Ice eater
Anything to temper the flame
Liiiick
Straight up center stage
Curtains parted
Gasp and low moaned surprise
Fingers dancing, soprano orchestra sings
Yeeeeees
Opera house style
Standing ovation
Bow taken
...we should make a season out if this

The best of intentions
Often lead to broken hearts
Hope graveyards
The memory of warmth
Ghost arms to hold us

Gritty beach smile
Should have tanned naked instead
At home with no sand

I caught your scent at the grocery near the cereal isle
Which is funny, you never liked milk much
The telltale whistle you used to find me lost in a store
Echoed through my memory
My heart sang, then sunk
As I realized you've been gone for 8 years
Happy almost birthday anyway
You would be turning 39, still young and with so much left to live
Time, slippery and cruel, rushes past me
I guess I will always be looking for you
My heart softly whistling into the shadows

I was not force fed ideas
Growing up my mom viewed us as wild flowers
Strong enough to soak up the sun in our own way
Allowing weeds to share our space
Never choking
Their chance at living just as important as our own
Guidelines were simple, still are
Respect others
Your space is precious, as is their's
Forgive transgressions
Grudges will fester
Above all
Listen
*You hear a lot more if you are not only waiting for your turn to talk

I am thirsty
Calm waters, bubbles galore
Swallow fast
Sip it slow
Picking raspberries in late June
Warm juices running along ****** fingertips
On the cusp of homemade wine season
I cannot get enough
Stained mouth hungry for more
Along my lip's edges I can taste your smile
Sunshine light with a hint of bright
I want to drink with you
Share with you
Get loose and fuzzy
Ready to fill your cup with more
Swinging away in breezy hammocks
Drunk on each other
Drunk on summer

She ruffles her Phoenix feathers
Flames dance and lick off the edge of her salamander tongue
She may be made of sugar
But she won't melt
Born a J
               A
                   N
                      U
                         A
                            R
                               Y girl with snow storm tendencies
Her winter eyes radiate with knowledge
That the stars above sparkle only for her
Set into the sky by the jealous night
Not to be out done by the hypnotic w
                                                              a­
                                                            r
  ­                                                       m
                                                        t
     ­                                                 h of the  sun's rays
Only the moon truly holds her schizophrenic heart
Her soul, full of zeal, stretches to accommodate all she holds dear
Hoping one day

                                Maybe

She may burn a place clear for you

For solemn hands to hold as I grow frail and old
Wrinkled eyes smiling tiredly back at mine
In their depths I would relive soft tongued mornings
Stormy edges that echoed the heated joining of youth and vigor
I have danced and dallied with the widow maker
With sharp design he’s a real heart breaker
Ticking time tears add salt to each story retold
At my feet to little ears and little eyes that yearn to see
If only for a moment
What it was like to be free

Ten thousand feet above any other breath
I have ever taken
Easing chilled eye lids close
Savoring the clarity of the moment
A running start
Front flip off the front of the falls
Water pausing in mid-air
Then rushing past me in a deafening roar

My stomach turns in knots as I watch him eating
They call him a geek
Glass, copper coils, iron nails
His plumber is famous
A broken light bulb scatters before me
Now it's my turn to geek out
Placing a jagged shard on the end of my defenseless tongue

Dancing orbs of light scatter across the festival
Grounds ablaze with performers of all talents
Dragon breathed, tattooed, freaks from the circus's sidelines
All of us blood children to the flame
Blistered, scarred hands twirl above me
My fire hoop twisting up my glistening body
Heart entranced.
Fully alive.

In the quiet light of morning
Sleepy slumber eyes
Meet my sunny, smiling gaze
Heaven is as personal as our gene structure
*This heaven is mine

Silent steps through dappled foliage
Listening deeply to the tree's east-west creak
Their song is one of simplicity
Bygone roots of an era long past
Digging barehanded through dark, rich earth
The pressure of dirt beneath my fingernails
I ache for lazy days and long summers
Firefly guts staining I-Hold-Them-Too-Tight fingertips
Grape Popsicle juice staining a just budding chest
My eyes close against reality
Afternoon warmth wraps around me
Slipping off into memory against a sturdy trunk
You cross my mind
Crimson, Frankenstein green, black
Used to be
Now
Brown, faded blues and tan
Deep breathes to shake free
Left wondering where my midnight soul went

I once blushed golden on a blue watered beach
As the minister held out rings for us to share
Each had it's own meaning for the other
Each heart's deep love laid bare
Those same eternal circles now rest quiet
On ceramic lily pad made especially to hold
Vivid memories of your hand in mine
Happy Anniversary my love, in whispers softly told

******* silky garnet ooze off manicured fingernails
Patent leather gun metal smiles that never bend
Only break
A thousand different endings, where do we go from here?
Brainzzzzz!
Zombie missing body parts I want your fluids love
Break me off a piece Of that
An arm or a foot, craaaack!
Slurp,gurgle,moan, Mmm so tasty.
Never can get enough
Cut deep vein thrombosis all over my exposed heart
Only your flesh will sate the gnawing hunger
(licks lips) more