The best of intentions
Often lead to broken hearts
Hope graveyards
The memory of warmth
Ghost arms to hold us

I am derelict
Heaven sent
Down in the puddle
With my eyes to the sky
I'll never forget the feel of your secret silk
As it slipped through my fingers
All of the light in the world
Captured between our parting gaze
Sacred soul fire raging
Then in a whisper dying out
Lucky me I kept the spark
Enough to keep burning
Long after you have been gone

The sky was beautiful that night
I saw it, azure sparkle diamond bright
Through tears.

A river.
An ocean.

I thought they'd never stop
You know I'm not one for blubbering
Feeling your transition
From physical to spiritual

Took me with you, for a time

What remained was hollow
Still even sounds like a watermelon
My cantaloupe days ended
With that last sunset
Tuesday. February. The 19th. Florida.
Scars.
Our beauty
Our tragedy
Left inside those that linger on
Running is no cure
Like any disease
It is carried within me
Constantly searching for molecules
To ease this ache

In comparison to the universe
I am minuscule
A speck of dust on the slide of a microscope
While nebulas are being magnified
But down here my heart is huge
Able to ease and comfort
All those who lay their burdens on my doorstep
A single ant may be expendable but when looked at as a whole colony...
                  
              *They could move mountains.

The echo of his fingertips
Resonates through cyber cerebral tinsel bright ends
I sigh into the lengthening shadows
Knowing that with each minute gone
Another day has passed that I don't know the weight of those echos
I know only of their missing

I have been led to my darkest of moments
By hallways lit with the brightest of lights

Maraschino cherry red sun rays cut through pre-dawn shadows
I lay dormant in dream state
Limbs waking up to the vision of juicy starburst colors
Dancing across my pale gray walls
I stretch languidly with whispers of "good morning" coming from each molecule
The first of March three years later and I still ache
No amount of yoga, running, sweat or tears could ease the soreness
I get overwhelmed, stay in bed, retreat from sound
There is no running from the memory of your voice
Realizing that I did not want to was a journey
I prefer the echo to the silence
I trade the shadow for the light

I'll take it from here
Hand off the wine glass and pick up the carving knife
Her lythe body lay hacked clean of both right appendages
On the center of our dining room table
Mouth painted red and bruised
We normally eat together
I loved when he brought home beautiful women
All tormented and smelling of sorrow
Three raw, fresh fillets of meat lay out before him
His teeth curving into a smile
Gleaming in the bright light as he slices strips off
Holds them out to me
I **** at his fingertips while pulling away
The meat is tender, she was in excellent shape
I could taste her laughter melting into my jaws
Reaching for him, unable to resist
Sliding ****** hands down his torso to silk lounge pants
Knowing what was beneath them well
Anticipating what came next
Feeding always evolved into *******
The soft whisper of clothes shedding
Wicked heat radiating in waves
He pulls tight on my hair
Hiss
Lifting up and over the warm form of our dinner
Popping the head of his shaft into my tight heat
Groan
Slowly he grinds into me
Escalating into a bass beat influenced pounding
I scream into the dining room
Always released with his jutting ***
Slowing down to kisses and laughter
Let's eat

By Shel Silverstein**

Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
Well, what do you know?
It's nibblin' my toe.
Oh, gee,
It's up to my knee.
Oh my,
It's up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle,
It's up to my middle.
Oh, heck,
It's up to my neck.
Oh, dread,
It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . . .

******* silky garnet ooze off manicured fingernails
Patent leather gun metal smiles that never bend
Only break
A thousand different endings, where do we go from here?
Brainzzzzz!
Zombie missing body parts I want your fluids love
Break me off a piece Of that
An arm or a foot, craaaack!
Slurp,gurgle,moan, Mmm so tasty.
Never can get enough
Cut deep vein thrombosis all over my exposed heart
Only your flesh will sate the gnawing hunger
(licks lips) more

Lust consumes my every waking thought
The inevitable fall from grace that follows after trauma
I was young, a fledging then and yet was still cast out
Into hell
As my fragile feathers sizzled
I was choked by them
An acrid mixture of burned chemicals, of ozone
The pain is unbearable
Screams, the muscle contortions wrenching my body apart
Blood and flesh take shape mortally and the fall ends
A sudden crack, my vision blurs
Sore ribs reflect a broken heart. Memory erased
The ground is hard beneath me. Flames lick at my back
Cast out from paradise for the trace of impurity my thoughts evoked
One of the fallen. Birthed in sin.

I have holes in my favorite pajamas
Wearing out everything I love

Your soft morning sighs reach me
I crack open wishful lids to view
The perfect curve of your bearded cheek
Warm rays blind
The sun is bright too I suppose
Compared to you though...
What sun?
You light me up
Soul spark ignited
Seeking out the sore spots, rubbing deep
No cobwebbed corner goes untouched
Just when I start to drift back off in your arms
You kiss softly at the base of my neck
I arch back into your waiting heat
Arousal placed, rhythm reached
We are lost in each other's push and pull
Hard, fast, hair wrapped around rough hands
I come swiftly, wet clenches tight around you
Milking
You reach me at your peek, explode
Our moans of satisfaction dotting the air between us
Laying entwined, thinking softly as sleep claims our sated minds
*I'll be here when you wake up.

We project the shallows
In the hopes that you will
Let us hide from the shadows
Of the deep

You beg me with your white wash
A silent, aching pull of color
Splash your crimson love all over
Line me with your charcoal dawn
All day long I listen
In the car on the way home
Your plastic wrapper muffled
Seductive word play between your surface and my finger tips
Itch
Twitch
Ggg//l...iiiiitcH
Pull in fast. Race inside.

Turn.
Everything.
Off.

Sitting before you now in silence
contemplation
To form third eye visions with brush
With stroke
Approach with caution...

(spaced out between constellations for fifteen minutes)

Sudden flurry of movement
Glasses tinkling
Water droplets dance in the late afternoon sun
Wild banshee hair tangled
Softly around excited shoulders
Hues. Dyes. Pigments.
Littered in jars aplenty
Coursing through my veins

You may run red but I, I run rainbow
Exquisite Roy G Biv slit wrist theory

*You have to die in order to be reborn.

I am not as thick-skinned as you may think.

Rip those seams girl
You've got a leather heart
I want to taste your deepest secret
I've a mind to tear you apart

"I urge you to turn from me"
"I beg you to leave me be"

My grief is precious, pure and chosen
Heart and lung have stalled, frozen

I've got medicine for those tears of yours
You give me the time of day
I can give you laughter and more

With loving hands, soft sighs and light
He pulled the rain clouds from my sight
Vision sure, hands true
I wasn't broken, just had to choose
My smiles may come and go
But the sunshine he brings will always show

I was made to weather the storm
First steel frame constructed with intent
Then mold carved in alabaster with curves to make even a blind man sigh
I have never turned away from a challenge
The closest thing to sand and stone
In me are love and fear
One, if allowed, can wear you down
The other stop you cold
Neither have hindered my great regard for growing
For learning
Both have left their mark in my eyes
Still smiling even after the light has dimmed
My frailties are not on display
You will never see me begging at your door for scraps
I know how to forage, I know how to hunt
Table set by my own hands

Deep breath
Hold it in
Dust coating lungs and heart valves
Exhale
The heavy weight of another day keeps me stationary
I May be confined to the monotonous drudgery
But my mind is staining glass, blowing witch *****
Drawing circles with my tongue over your chest
Inhale
Pine. Rain. Man.
You sit down next to me
Quiet, reserved, not wanting to disturb
Scattered. Unsure.
Needing you to displace
Rummage through the aftermath of melancholy
Fresh air
Exhale
It's always easier to breathe around you

You sit quietly
With fidgeting hands
Lacing fingers into your own
That you wish were hers
Gravity from the black hole
That is the mid-west pulls you further
Into her stunning rings of brown eyes
Strawberry tipped, Large ******* and a mouth that could **** start a Harley
A pen in hand you doodle
Glancing up at a clock that should be melting
Going as slow as tree sap on a January morning
You wonder of she is careless or careful
Does she laugh that loud in person
Or only when she  occupies that space around her that glows

Gripping panic. Where have you gone?
Dark shadows pull heavily on already languid limbs.
Your smell permeates my pillow but your warmth is gone
Dream of you. Whisper your name amonst the stars
Pleading with them for just a glimpse of the sun
For only your light can wake up my silent heart
Lurch, pulse, stutter...then thump thump thump
A soft rhythm of life
I lie in wait
Eye lashes flutter close
Feeling you inch closer and closer
Coming alive has never felt so good
Blood and bone burning for just a taste
Feed me

Your hands cup the mound of my soul
Blowing softly on dying embers
Sparking them back to life
Full flame
I've been walking solo
With a torn heart hidden
Your steps falling in tandem
Upon our crossing paths
Needle already threaded, waiting
Tears fell as you mended
Pulling on scarred edges
My spirit roared back to life
My vessel once more whole
Our steps became lighter
Weaving in and out
To the sweet rhythm of contentment
To the racing beat of adventure
No roots needed
I've got my home right here
*For it is where the heart is

I had that good good muscle ache take me down to easy town
Kind of night
3am rolled around all cranky and late but willing
That's the way these hills, these hour glass valleys
Keep time
I'm wearing red, hoping for a charge  
Raging bull going in for the slick slit ****
Right there.
Always tasting like a new adventure
Each touch feeling like home  
Blood rushes to flushed cheeks
Just... a... little... more
Gold coin electric pulse scatter on the cobble stone streets of my soul
I can feel each cold edge bounce  and echo
Ting Ting Ting
Body clenching and unclenching in tune
Mouths fused, wet with honey
Sweet with a sting
I cannot get enough of this running
*A hunger beyond thirst, for this love

Summer strips
Fading slowly into Fall's fantastic wardrobe
Of chill kissed edges
Burgundy so rich you can drink of it deeply
Flaming orange who's heat you can still feel
Corn stalks as high as my daddy's shoulder
Who's height I crooked neck at to gain eye contact as a child
They sway gentle in late August breezes
I dance to the melody of their ripe harvest call
Apples hang heavy on juice laden branches
September slides down my chin like July watermelon
Both leave a 6-year-old's grin
And the knowing that soon all will be sleeping
Naked at midnight in January
Frost forming on lit windows
I wish I too could hibernate

I just don't know any more
Born with the thirst
My apathy competes with it daily
You bathe in my joyful countenance
Never splashing further but surface deep
I know you are hurting
We all are, in some form or another
I do wish I could ease your pain
Please, just once, refrain
I call you up to cry
Twists  into all about you
Words of solace tumble from these numb lips
Stretched thin over a veneer of caring
The hard part is always the swallow
How do I get around this goose egg
Closing up my throat
Defense mechanism meant for strangers
I don't shed tears for the self-inflicted
*At least you have a choice

You sit patiently at my feet
Humming earth vibrations lulling you to sleep
Your fragile warmth sinks into me
My soil cradles your cosmic divinity
Sharing the soft breeze of a June afternoon
Knowing you'll leave me all too soon
Wishing it could be different, our paths more whole
Growing like root trees out of the same fold
I will stay here growing while you go away
Waiting as night falls for another sunshine filled day

His fingers grew cold and stiff in the cradle of my own
Last breath rattled, marker of death
Innocence violently stripped away
Shell left, a hollow reflection
Those pieces lay in defeated slumber
For months the clouds gathered
Rain, soft and chilling
Lulled quiet the rage, tears fell
A violent gush coming dangerously close to flooding
All of the hidden cavities that remained
Until one day the sky opened
Hesitant rays like bird's first flight
Shimmered down with angelic serenity
Bringing warmth once again
My eyes squinted to adjust
Recoveries healing hand
Had finally reached out to sooth
The wounds remain, puckered, ragged edged
I will carry them like badges of honor
For you were worth fighting for
Your laughter still echo's
Plastering the walls of the hole you left behind
With saturated, hopeful colors

I've been in three homes
Where a piano, or three
Resided in the dining room
Now one would think
That this would encourage
Music to accompany the eating experience
However, growing up
Singing was forbidden at the table

Sirens go off in my head
You stand before me once again
My thoughts racing, bright
I'm not the woman you used to know
Tripped and bruised under all these smiles
But you are counting on all of your old tricks
To make this go your way

You have another thing coming.

We both know I could rip you to pieces
While doing my nails
Your supposed charm and talent mesmerize
Those that cannot see through the ******* you have so neatly wrapped yourself in
*******
I am not easy sport, hanging off every word
May have been once
The romantic stars of believing everything you said dancing in my eyes
But I cannot see their flirting, winking lights this night
Instead your happiness soon turned to comfort
Discarded.
Leaving me empty and enraged

Slate skies lay still
Cool against my smile on bus stop corners
Already missing the bright caress of sun
Your letters arrive less and less
Further apart than the one before
I breathe you in on each envelope
Curled black ink telling more secrets than truths with each line

In my bedside drawer
rest letters sealed and stamped.
piles upon piles of potential
regret.
I may not shine, but I choose
not to rain.
silence is at times
closer to a yes in my language than in yours.
here, attached to the leg
of a white dove;
my heart. blank paper is
still paper. men suffer
from limbs lost
without words.

Tracing the edges of many a time read pages
I hear between the lines
More loudly than what is written
Dear John on the tip of my fingers
A heart that will not give up
Shadows lace this back and forth
Waiting for the light to break

My heart and I are not
always on speaking terms.
sometimes I want to
tell it I'm sorry, but it alway
beats me to it.
keep my blood flowing, I
beg of it, and I will think
for us both.
later. later. later.
then we'll rest in love's
nest of sweet childlike
restlessness.
later.
I have heavens for us, after
the rain.
suns with your name
on them.
blue is the color of sorrow
and cloudless
skies.

I will be seeing you in starlight
Behind the echo of my midnight sighs

It was just about dark
You know that time of day
When murky shadows touch even the most harmless of surfaces with malice
It felt that way
Your hand was heavy in mine
Clammy, stiff with regret
"It's complicated."
silence
Tears choked my reply
All I could think of was the rush
Butterflies you gave me that never died
They fluttered still in their death throws
There was nothing left to say
I did as best I could to make a graceful exit
Kissed your cheek softly in goodbye
Pulling my fingers from your limp grip
And turned away

*It is always in the looking back that we regret

We are young, fresh
Stars in our eyes falling hard
Summer running wild across cotton candy skies
I wish I could push pause
Take it all in deep, slow breaths
Another season of warmth and sunshine
Passing me by with a quickness
Your smile glitters just beyond my melancholy
Bringing me back to the present
I mirror it with ease
Even if a part of me will always be wanting

Your side of the bed
Is not the same
Without you in it

I need to vent
An aperture has broken open inside of me
Spewing the poison of unspoken words
They oxidate and spoil against the back of my throat
Making swallowing a horrid task
I am not sure where to start
Unhappy? no Malcontent? no
Neglected there's the word
What remains is turning hollow
Weeds grown scraggly, untamed between my teeth
It needs voicing, this creeping malice
It needs out

Glitter falls from pregnant clouds
Giving birth to light amidst midnight
January blooms ice tipped, gorgeous
The face of silver moon on dark landscape

There is still a softness here
Hidden along my laugh lines
Occasionally reaching my eyes
Allowing you a glimpse of what could be
Regret. Life taken too soon. Grief.
All of these have hardened me
Where there was lightness sits heavy
Bones of birds now steel
Molded Osmium to once pliable exterior
Replaced constant sun with drifting shadow
Yet all of this is still me, my spirit unchained
Unchanged
To want me is to accept all parts
Regardless of their weight

Bleeding through like milk ink art
Your eyes splash the morning with color
Cobalt, sea foam and jade
I want to paint you
Paint you with my adoration
All silky acrylics and soft oils
Sweeping across the canvas of your smile
With the brush of my tongue
My fingertips
I would add to your already glowing masterpiece

Mirror bound, this shadow and I
For once my desire sees eye to eye
Distracting sharp edges and rough play
Searching for that biting darkness I used to crave
On wicked things my heart takes a tumble
Head over heels for salt worn stubble
I just can't shake this ache for fire, for flame
When I taste that razor edge and only get blame
Deep down inside I still feel your grit
Wave after wave, pounding away at it
What I would not give for your finger tips
Drinking full, drinking deep from regretful lips
Plunder. Pillage. Take it all.
If only to leave me panting and raw

Day glow orange fields fuzzy my vision
Attempts at removing the blinders are met with derision
My warm finger tips reach out to entwine with your cold ones
Always the familiar taste of fire dancing along your lips
Come here. Giggling softly into the fall of hair around your face
I want you
Our eyes tangle with heated single minded purpose
My mouth aching to wrap around the hard length of your ****
Rubbing my face softly against your hipbones
Your hands bury themselves in my tresses
Moan for me, breathe in harsh and back bowed torment
This tongue only ties and slides for you
Hot jets of *** coat the back of my throat
Your labored thoughts settling in the air between us
Pull harder next time, my scalp still isn't raw
Wet dripping smooth tight heat
Desire intensifies to need, fingers plucking gently at sensitive flesh
I look to you for a happy ending
Finding you fast asleep

When I was much younger
Salamander for skin with aching veins of Pele
I always knew that I was better for the burning
Then ever I was for fading away
Making promises to innocence I would not hold on to much longer
Merely echos reminding me of what can never be
Resonating through the hollowed hallways residing deep within me

Two years gone
Willow-o-the-whisp whispers
Fleeting in those final moments
Yet standing stark as limestone monuments
Now that time has passed
Many things I let slip soft as silk against your feverish skin
Hoping that they wound their way through the fog of narcotics
Finding the struggling will of your spirit
Easing your decision to soften your hold
How could I explain that your vessel was failing
You knew in the slowing of your heart
The stressed racing of mine
I could believe you smiled though your features lay lax
Last breath eased out in exhaustion
Finding peace after a well fought war
Two years gone
*I still feel you here

I am reminded of that scene from Fight Club
Airplane conversation
About single serving friends
Among every other convenience
We pass through each other's lives
Cool breezes. Hot sands.
Finger lengths entwined, connected
Eventually slip their grip for most
Some I can hold onto
Vice like in my intensity
The hurt and confusion can over rule
Common sense about change
We all are evolving
I cannot, will not, hold it against you
There is a purpose for every path crossed
A single serving can **** you
**A single serving can save your life

Stay
You always seem so far 
Away
Even the bleached roads between us
Cannot keep these lies from drowning 
Piece by piece
I don't want this to hurt you
I don't write this to hurt you
My hands fall down by broken sides
Bruised love handles telling their own 
Version of what always happens
Stay
You don't have to rip away 
Tearing what little fabric we still hold
Deafening, the aching numbness that follows
Silence
A sword wielded  by an expert marksman
On your own time, sweet heaven hurry
Tensed like a bow string, ready 
Stay
Never fade

I do not know what it is like
To feel empty
Even in my darkest hour
That well of joy we each contain
Has not gone dry with regret
We pull ourselves from depth and shadow
Reminding that this too shall pass
It is only when the quiet comes
That I remember to clench my teeth
Grin and bare it
For every day is a blessing
Every minute a gift

Downtown's been calling
I just let it ring
Like virginity that conversation,
Once ended
Will not be taken back without painful
Drastic measures
You are not poison
You are forever
The perfect drug, made just for my wounds
You would destroy me
Jam my busiest crossroads
Old haunts blending into new aches
I'm not ready for your vacant houses
Windows cracked or hollow
That feeling, those shells
Lie within us all
You need a warrior
I am one,yes
Call to arms
I'll be on the front lines, ready

                           Pain.

In any form is welcome.
For pain is feeling but not too deeply
Not like the scars of sadness
I am shell shocked, disconnected
No longer whole
Shrapnel still embedded
Organs and tissue assimilate to it's form
Healing, yet still
Unable to lift a sword to defend
Are you ready for that?

(silence)
I know what you are thinking

"How will we know if we don't try?"

                           Big Picture Moment

When I'm ready...
                 I'll let you know.