Awareness
Cotton soft sheets against satin skin
One eye eases open
A muffled groan into pillow
Tells the sun to continue it's slumber
For the moon still wishes to reign
Her silver light dancing over valleys
Each curve highlighted in pearlescent relief
Hollows where your tongue longs to linger
The dawn edging closer
As do you
Lover mine donning smile
Open heart
Right here
Always in between
Where I am
Where I'm supposed to be

I hope you woke up next to sunshine
A soft smile and sleepy eyes
To greet you come morning
I hope she lights you up inside
Loves you for you
Helps you to love yourself
I hope...

North, South, East and West
Circle round and practice best
Let nothing through that would cause harm
Hold the walls, sound the alarm*

In misty grove she weaved and braided
Her love and kindness never sated
Energy flowed to and from
Body swaying to the midnight hum
Full moon gazed upon white flesh pure
Knowing in silence the loss she endured
To keep her mind clear and her nerves at ease
She lost herself amongst the trees
A spell was spun to heal other's hearts
For her's and grieving would never part
The only cure is to help and to give
That is how she chose to live

We should ease the squeeze we have on each other's hearts
It is difficult to breathe in here
With all of our solids gone to liquid starts
Jump the moon, hang her high
I seem to always hear hello
Hidden and heavy in your goodbye
I'll keep searching the grounds for your redemption
Digging deep
Regrets in suspension
The circle will come back full, round
Your tongue and mine dancing
To the beat of our heart's pound

A handful of water thrown like glitter to bead against reflective floors
Mirrors my cage in a hundred different ways
If I look closely enough I can see myself that free, that open
With every breath I taste the sharp tang of memories
That without you will never sit with sugar on my tongue again
Now I’m not blaming you or this wooden heart that bobs aimlessly without direction upon this endless see of caged reflection
Just exercising atrophied muscles with which I learn to stretch, to feel
Without drowning these polished plains I place cold feet on each morning
I am Alice here, skirts twisted above my head to obstruct the view
Although I know I do not wish to see it’s vast edges
Not unless they’ve painted you

You and I used to be
So perfectly connected
Thick as thieves, hip to hip
In the  mirror of our irises our happiness reflected

Those days have gone
Shadowed, now in the past
Time has healed those wounds
Heart knows you will not be my last

I do wish though that you could see
How beautiful you are
I hope for you such grand heights
To be again someone's only star

I’m going to get better at this
Your missing won’t ache as much
Horrific reinactments of your loss won’t haunt me
Won’t leave me gasping for air covered in tears of anguish
After each restless sleep
Watching others with their happy purrs won’t cut deep like this ravaged feeling of betrayal that mine no longer does
One day
For now I’m going to cry and rage and remain alone, without console
Hoping that one day happy purrs will greet me each morning once more

We have to learn to love ourselves
Before knowing the love of the world
For when we say "I love you"
We should be saying "I hope I am loving you the way you want to be loved"*

Instead of focusing on being good enough
A very selfish view
We should pin point what makes us happy
The other's will surely follow soon
Down beaten paths that sing and dance
Across the patterns of the night
It's in this heat between you and me
Where we are building sacred light
I have never shied away from day
Nor held fast to rain so dear
All I feel is this burning flame
When your love shines pure and near

Painted toes, the color of ripe eggplants
Flutter and kick around as giggles bubble the rim of my hard edges
Days gone by in silence, broken now by mirth
Drunk on a spring afternoon's nectar
I catch the sparkle in your eye, knowing
What comes next will have me breathless, wanting
"Please" whispered softly as giggles fade to sighs
You love it when I beg
I need this, you, here in the sunshine
Gilded fingertips tracing my tarnish
Chasing away the darkness with the promise of warmth

Warmed skinned
Heart of gold
In between the young
And the old
Passion burns like fire light
Within this cage I learned to fight
Life broke me down with loss
With choices
I built back up with steel
With voices
I've carried on through tears, decisions
Tender is my new found vision
I'll help you too if put to task
All you have to do is ask

You flutter softly
With hope dusted wings
Against the cage
Of my sentry posted ribs

Writing, although favored, is not the only medium on which I lay myself bare.


*Your sheets feel heavenly against my skin

I remember how bright you shined
Silver linings do exist

I long for warm sand beneath my feet
This cold seeps deep into bone
I'm here for the darkness
Oh sun lover won't you come home?

Gray dust of frost
Tips green with sharp edges
Warm puffs of breath dissipate quickly
I am silent. Still.
The whisper of wind through bare tree tops
Squirrels bark at Blue Jays that steal
My heartbeat quickens as I catch the snapping of twigs
Rustling of leaves is music to my ears
Soon a smudge of brown
Different from the rainbow of neutrals this forest reflects
Moves steadily towards me
My tree stand height is perfect
The kick from my shot gun will be welcomed
An extension of myself wielded
To fill my freezer for these coming months
Of darkness

I still dream of you
Walking softly through carpeted hallways
As to not wake your daughters
Checking on them in slumber

Warm eyes would greet mine come morning
"Well hello there gorgeous."
Forming across those kiss hungry lips

I see pictures of you
Whisked back up in that moment
Tears fall, chin trembles
All I can hope for is your comfort
I cannot be selfish, wishing you home
When pain was your constant companion

Though, love played a huge part too
I could not ease the ache your mortal form was cursed with
Your soul, however, sought out my touch

In my old age that is what will shine bright
Amid years and years of faded shadows
The memory of your smile
*The sweet taste of your love

Can be exceptionally rough...*and beautiful

Honey ripples sticky and sweet
Down the pouted edge of my hungry lips
Slurping softly through the mist, my full moon skin feasts on soft, midnight wind
"Shed, shed , shed" whispers in my ear
I listen
Long grass tickling the curves of my dancing thighs
Laughter, raw and true, sings out above the tree tops
I have never felt so free
Someone on the outside would see a wood nymph
Fingers hard digging into dark earth
Then sprinting fast with willow-the-whips kissing my ribcage
Inked arms out, head back
My feet pounding the rhythm of January up into the stars

I have been through many things
Not hardships, experiences really
That have left their wounds
Underneath my skin, between heartbeats
I am a patchwork of scars
Some deeper than others
Many still healing
Few that never will
At the end of the day I must pause
Take a deep breath and realize
No matter how much I bleed, hurt or cry
I will survive

The dearly departed
Leave us broken hearted
Empty but for memory weighed space
Our love lost in time
For yours and for mine
Never forgetting their silence graced face

A tangled mess
Sucker punched by my own blow hard suckers
Each scrape a deep wound full of poison and rapture
If I could but belt out this volcano of regret that burns deep
Perhaps I could take just one solitary breath that did not taste of you
That wasn't a constant reminder of
What. Could. Be.
Sea witch hair scattered every which where
Like seaweed jamming traffic along the ragged edge of reef
Is there a volunteer?
Someone willing to rehinge this off-the-rails oddity
That is and is not before you
A dead sea of guilty shade
Heavily armored
With fathomless depths of rage and remorse

I just want to lay here
Wallowing in your loss

If I could give but one word of advice
It would be like corn silk to wet fingers mid-shuck
You doing your best to shake them off
Sticking all the same
You asked
A smile curves at sun wrinkled corners
Once again I fall all ripe peach juicy
Right into your calloused hands
We roll and chase, playing children in an orchard heavy soaked with late August light
Green moss intensity locks with my whiskey amber stare
Breathing you in, wanting you deeper than I can hold a secret
Golden hour glows around whispering fingertips
Sipping softly of your sweetness
Nipping at heated skin
Dizzy tilt my head back until the sky goes wild with stars
Lay me gentle into tall grass
Giving promises to love me hard

The moment you realize
This is a journey you control.

Pursed lips french exhale into the coldness of late January
On the inhale I can taste your cemetery shadows
The rich, bitter heat of your stalwart heart
Thumping to the tune of midnight
I want to draw on your edges with salt and whiskey
Make it burn, make it hurt
Let it really sink in how far away our fingertips have become
Am I still she?
Is this still me?
Looking for answers under the bird feeder
All I find are empty shells

There is softness here
Lullabies and water lily lies
Half moon curved on trembling lips
Do I even want to know?
I sigh into the shadows were you used to reside
I almost cannot bare the weight of your echo
Solace in moonshine and borrowed time
Until the sun breaks over the mountains edge
Not to be complacent but how else should I handle this?
Wagon wheels turn with gravel sung rumble
Swinging water lily lies and a goodbye kiss

Whether I wake up to rain
Or the sun in the east is not yet born
Waking up next to your smile
I am always warm

I cannot say with any more ease
What you cannot say to me
I'm standing here holding my heart open
Your's is still running
Can't seem to see
You send your apologies on rough waters
Led by white sails
But what love is this that keeps you lying?
What truth is this that leaves me dying?
So you push me away
You pull me back
A constant emotion you fade to black
Should it hurt the way I feel?
Or should I do as I have learned and deal?

It has been long, this silence
Words pursed on lip edges that round with smiles instead of saying what needs to be said
Dust here, really
Drawing circles with found sticks that whisper stories of gusty gales and fruit that hung too heavy
Circles turn to cyphers that I use to channel this lack of thought
I need a taste, just one
Something sweet and sticky
Someone worthwhile and not too picky
For my standards lay between these stories and me

I have been lit by candle
Wreathed in darkness
Kissed by that magic hour between twilight and 3am
None have held me
Rhythm of longing beats on through the night
Fingertips grasp for yours to keep company
Solitary and solemn without your shadow to whisper to
What happened then?
Where did you slip off to that I did not notice until the cold seeped in betwixt the floorboards of our secret place?
I fall on knees already sore with roses turned to bruise while waiting for an echo
Faint light dances, just a sliver
Bright enough to tease but too faint to ease

I caught your scent at the grocery near the cereal isle
Which is funny, you never liked milk much
The telltale whistle you used to find me lost in a store
Echoed through my memory
My heart sang, then sunk
As I realized you've been gone for 8 years
Happy almost birthday anyway
You would be turning 39, still young and with so much left to live
Time, slippery and cruel, rushes past me
I guess I will always be looking for you
My heart softly whistling into the shadows

I do not often connect well
with my rhyming poems. Even if their messages are felt deeply instead of just word play.


**They feel forced.

I’ve got a wild hair
This oil spill running through my soul
Reflects iridescent rainbows
Soft shadows clinging to dark depths
I inhale the star dust of old bones
They scatter my brow, meteorites plunging across the edges of my sight
Exhale
The wind like burning sonnets
As I belt out across the wide expanse of fading cotton candy sky
My lungs ache with unspoken words, ones I long to whisper, to sing
Instead I scream until my legs feel weak
There is no more left of me
But for the rich loam of Appalachia curving crescents beneath each fingernail
Hold fast babbling brook
Hold fast

I don't know this place
This face
Anymore

A sudden drop in lighting
Temperature raised a few degrees
Lines of sorrow on a face
Once lined with laughter

What's become?
What's become of me?

What if it came with storm clouds?
Would it matter if I flooded the space between us with tears?
I look back, 20/20 pulling ******* sore edges
Sorry has a place but not here
My fingertips can feel the warmth of your wanting
Pulling away just like my heart did
Slow, methodical, intent to hurt
No amount of what-could-be would turn me
Even now my words are silent yet I do mean their weight
Whether you've got an oar or not is no matter
Shame lapping at your distant shore
At least I did not ghost you, no no
Much worse in my eyes to me
I pulled along a tug boat with a jet engine
Even while you struggled to be free