What an amazing day
For those who are Gay
A milestone long over due
Equality is universal
Should not be treated as adversal
We ALL should be happy for you

Let's go back*
Those drawn out mornings of soft light and even softer touches
Sparkling dust motes floating mid-air
A vision of perfection twisted in love drenched sheets
I could stay in bed all day
Just listening to you breathe

There is no ancient living here
No holy
Just the only
Sparking flies of fire twinkling against twilight
I breathe in the exhaled breath of late spring
Feeling full but light all in the same motion
New moon cast no shadow here but I can still see her's
Outlined by star shine the gravitational pull of the divine
That lies within us all
The rains keep falling so that the air is tangible
A dancing partner when I thought I was alone
Feet fall in squishy patterns against grass that should still be forest
I hear their call, the wildlings
Wolf howl. Dove Coo. The slithery slither of night time creatures.
Spinning in circles through the darkness
Wishing I could but take their form for a moment and run free
Break apart from the day to day pressure
Of what is expected of me
Focus on the fire fly dance
Just keep spinning

Raindrops raining rings
On coffee cup surface.
Too wet to care,
I remain seated on the slab
Of concrete

By the containers.
Oil and filth creep into fresh
Cuts and scratches.
I ignore my hands itching,
Drink and exhale.

I could be a millionaire
Throwing cash at the shadows of
My emptiness, or a holy man
Preparing for Tukdam with
Nothing but his robes to

His name. Anything but this
In-between existence devided
Between too much work and
Not enough free time or sleep.
What am I doing here, should

Be the last words they'd watch
Me think. The concrete won't
Answer. The coffee won't comfort
My restlessness.
But the rain replies:

You're living.
"And what are you doing here?"  
I counter.

*Raining.

After everything I still believe in true love
I may be damaged but I remain strong, unbroken
Tepid winds have blown change into my life
Resurrected a winter heart, blossoming into spring
I miss the autumn though, the in between
When I was focusing so closely on the veins of leaves
Pieces of myself came into view that before were blurry
I know now that was being truly awake, alive, feeling it
Summer was but a dream then
Even further now due to my own coping choices
Drowning my sorrows was useless
Getting so high I could touch clouds did no good
I must feel it to heal it
Now I hurt, let it wash over and suffocate these little lungs
That used to hold the North Wind
Years later, the aftermath of near annihilation
I am sore, bruised, ravaged
Seams have changed
No longer just ragged edges
Somewhere between giving up and giving in
Hopeful (please)
Each morning I pull myself from the safety of sleep
Knowing that even there I am not completely out of reach
Nightmares bring you to me angry, lost or in pain
Bless me from time to time with smiles and warmth
Back from the dead or having never left
I wake up wet with tears of longing
Why did this all happen?
Could never be answered with a sentence or a word
It is what it is
This is what I live with
I have to feel it
To heal it